Contention
by Annabeth Black
Summary: As if love wasn't hard enough, Steve Rogers had to go and fall for Erin of all people. Erin, the woman who disliked him more than anyone else. Erin, whose past had been ruined inadvertently by him. Erin, who made him feel like he was flying. Steve Rogers/OC Disclaimer: I do not own anything other than the OCs and the plot line
1. Part 1 Chapter 1

There are just some things in life that need to happen. That's just the way it is and Erin was on a mission to make sure something that needed to happen did.

"Ow! You're hurting my arm!" Jane protested, trying to keep up with Erin who was tearing through the park, dragging Jane behind her.

"We're running out of time!" Erin panted. She paused for less than at a fork in the path and turned her head in a very owl-like manner as she tried to locate something. The momentary delay in movement allowed Jane to rub the shoulder Erin was practically yanking out of its socket. For such a petite girl she was surprisingly strong. This was something Jane hadn't found out until that morning when her seemingly innocent new neighbour had practically kidnapped her from her home and whiskered her away to New York.

"Where are we going?" Jane asked for the hundredth time as Erin shot off in another direction.

"You'll see!" Erin huffed, speeding up.

And Jane did see. She saw a sight that made her want to laugh, scream and cry all at one. She saw a sight she thought she'd never see again; a sitght that would have normally made her stop dead in her tracks but with the brunette propelling her forward it was impossible to do so. She saw and she stared in shock for a moment before trying to make her legs move independently of Erin's force so that she could run to him faster, so she could confront the man she'd been waiting for for over two years.

Then Jane noticed the other people, making the group before them eight in total. That would be eight people Erin would knock over with the momentum they were moving at if she didn't hit the brakes. Eight people with _superpowers_.

"Watch out!" Jane shouted but it was way too late.

With an almighty crash Erin took down the largest of the group: a big man with long blonde hair, a red cape and a painful suit of armour that bruised Erin's entire torso. This beast of a man was linked to a tall, skinny male with sleek black hair who was sporting green and black robes and a mouthpiece that reminded Erin oddly enough of a harmonica despite it having been knocked sideways out of his mouth. The four of them lay in an awkward heap for a moment, Jane rag-dolling on top while the shifty man struggled between Thor and the pavement as he tried to free himself from the strange device that bound his hands together.

"Idiot mortal!" Loki hissed as Thor thundered "Watch where you're going!"

"Nice timing C-" Tony smirked, striding over to the pile and extending a hand to Jane who was on top of her. She glared at him which cut him off before he could pronounced her last name.

"Sorry I'm late sir. Took a wrong turn." She apologised. Steve offered her a hand to help her up but she smoothly ignored it and stood on her own.

"You know her?" Thor asked unhappily, dragging his brother to their feet.

"I hired her to collect Miss Foster here." Tony admitted smugly.

For the first time in what felt like forever Jane and Thor looked each other in the eye, battling to keep their emotions from rushing to the surface. It was a mistake to keep things bottled up but each feared the other didn't feel the same way so stunned silence hovered between them.

"Oh look, the clumsy girl brought my brother his pathetic little human back." Loki drawled, sneering in their general direction. "I thought you were fine leaving her here on this wretched planet Thor?"

Thor broke his gaze to glare at Loki but before he could retort Erin pounced on the god and punched his jaw. Once, twice, three times Erin's fist smashed into Loki's face before Steve grabbed her and hauled her off in the way he might have dealt with an angry puppy. Erin struggled against him and clawed at the villain but she wasn't strong enough to break out of Steve's restraints. That didn't stop her getting a good kick in at Loki who remained on the floor. As he howled Steve dragged her back, much to Erin's displeasure.

"Savage child!" Loki snarled, truing to clutch at his face with his bound hands.

"Erin, _no_." Tony scolded. "Go put her in my car will you gramps?"

"No! I'm not going with _him_! I'll behave." Erin protested, trying to worm free of Steve's grip.

"For some reason I don't believe you. I wonder why?" He said loftily, appearing to search the air around him for an answer to his question.

"Because I'm too much like you?" Erin snorted.

"Bingo," Tony tapped her nose lightly with a single finger in the most patronising way he could muster. "Now go wait in the car with Steve."

Erin wasn't having it though. She squirmed in Steve's grip and kicked his shins in a feeble attempt to escape. Sighing, he picked a scowling Erin up around her tiny middle and slung her over his shoulder. She writhed and kicked harder as he took her to Tony's cherry red convertible, cursing as they went. He was impervious to her protests though and didn't react, even when her chestnut hair smacked him in the face.

"What was all that about?" Natasha asked, raising an unimpressed eyebrow.

"Erin is… emotionally invested in this meeting." Stark shrugged, glancing over to where Jane and Thor had moved to in order to have a private conversation.

"Jane," Thor frowned at her blank face. "Say something. Please."

In response her hand shot out and smacked him across the face. "You said you'd come back!" She glowered at him.

"I know. I know and I'm so sorry but you have to understand-" Thor began to excuse himself but Jane wasn't having it.

"You're wrong! I don't have to understand! I spent a _year_ waiting for you down in New Mexico! I thought you had forgotten me! I thought you had _lied_!" Her voice rose unintentionally as she revealed her inner-most fears to him. All the hurt she'd felt and suppressed over the last couple of years resurfaced all at once so Jane was forced to feel her heart break all over again.

"I could never forget you! The thought that I might not be able to see you again killed me inside a little more with each passing day but I was not permitted to see you! The bridge is still broken and I have been bound by duty to my home." Thor yelled back.

"Bound by duty? What does that mean?" Jane asked with exasperation. Duty was not prioritised before _love_. Well maybe it wasn't love at all. Maybe it was nothing. Maybe she was nothing to him.

"I WAS MOURNING MY BROTHER!" Thor exploded. "I thought him to be dead! No matter what he is now, no matter what he has done Loki has always been and will always be my brother! It wasn't until I learned that he was alive that I was able to suspend my grieving! Can you comprehend what that was like for me?"

"Actually, I can." Jane replied in a low, angry voice. He didn't know her as well as he thought. He was clueless to the loses that littered her past.

There was a pause as the two stared at each other wordlessly again. They were both breathing heavily and feeling that electric desire couples get to jump into each other's arms. Why did this have to be so hard? Why were the feelings still there? Jane wanted to know so that way she could delete them or remove them or something. She knew that Thor felt something too but that didn't make it any better. Or did it? She could see emotion there in his eyes, proof to his claims. She didn't know whether to trust them or not. Even worse, she didn't know if she could trust herself.

Eventually it became too much and overwhelmed, Thor turned his eyes to the other Avengers. They'd all moved further away to give Thor and Jane as much more privacy as they could in the public setting. It was clear they were still trying to listen although they acted differently. Clin and Natasha tried to make out they were talking quietly to one another while Bruce kept a close eye on Loki who was still trying to clutch his throbbing jaw. From the car Erin watched the couple through the rear-view mirror unashamed, ignoring Steve and Tony's fruitless attempts to steal her attention.

"I should go," Jane decided, pulling Thor's attention back to her. "This was a mistake. I didn't even want to be here." She turned to leave.

"Jane, wait." He looked torn but she couldn't see. Her back was to him and her eyes were cast to the floor so she wouldn't have to look their audience in the eye. "Come with me." He offered hesitantly only because he feared rejection.

He couldn't see Jane bite her lip as she blinked back tears. She had only just given up on Thor and the possibility of him returning for her. She was meant to be moving on and she had in a way by making massive progress not only with her research but with the little family she had left. It wasn't just because of them that Jane rejected the idea initially though. Going with Thor would undo all her hard work. There were still things she had yet to discover but then again, going to Asgard would give her a whole new world to discover. But what if she couldn't return to Earth again? She'd be very dependent on Thor and with all of his duties he wouldn't have the time for her that she needed.

"No." She said firmly, keeping her back to him.

"No? What's changed? Is it a man?" Thor hid his hurt behind suspicion and envy. He walked around so he could see her face. This was something they couldn't try and hide from one another.

"No. No men or man or anyone." Jane shook her head, avoiding his eyes. No man could ever compare to him. Surely he knew that?

"Then what is it?" Thor demanded. Ha had to know because the suspense was driving him insane.

"What if I go to Asgard with you and you get bored of me? What if something goes wrong and I'm left on a strange planet with no one to help me? What happens then?" Jane finally cracked. Meeting Thor's eyes she transferred all of her fears and uncertainties with a single look which he tried his best to understand.

"Get bored of you Jane? Never. We have so much to learn about one another and to teach each other. As my bride, the people of Asgard will always be willing to help you if something happened to me. Come with me Jane." Thor tried to tackle her fears but he knew that there was a lot more left unsaid.

"Your bride?" Jane faltered. She laughed nervously because marriage… well marriage was such a big idea. Too big to think about yet.

"If that is what you desire." Thor nodded sternly as it was what he wanted somewhere down the line. He would never, ever force her into it though.

"I- I-" Jane turned to Erin whose eyes were practically popping out of her head. She couldn't help but laugh at her new friend. The girl was tiny and mad. Jane would miss her.

"I want to go to Asgard with you." Jane admitted.

"But?" Thor sensed there was more to it that Jane initially stated.

"But I don't know if this will work," Jane let out a shaky breath. "And I don't know if it's the right thing. It feels right though."

"It _will_ work," Thor beamed.

He took one of Jane's hands in both of his own. He moved in close slowly enough to give her time to pull away if she wanted. She let him, trying to think of a reply. In the end she didn't need to as he kissed her, soft and sweet on the lips. In the background Erin cheered and Jane couldn't help but laugh at her.

"You friend is very enthusiastic, is she not?" Thor chuckled, resting his forehead against Jane's.

"Yes she is." Jane agreed before kissing him again.

They broke apart again as Erin barrelled into them, engulfing them in a massive hug.

"Thank you for restoring my faith in love." She rejoiced, not letting go.

"No! Down Erin!" Tony pulled her off the laughing couple.

"I wasn't finished!" She protested but upon seeing Steve advance on her she moved away instantly.

"Wait, what am I doing? I'm not going to Asgard _now_ am I?" Jane clapped her hands to her cheeks, ignoring the filthy look Erin threw at Steve's back.

"Of course you are." Thor replied cheerily. He couldn't wait for many reasons and the reality of the situation made him incredibly happy.

"But what about my things?" Jane breathed. It was all happening so fast.

"I've got you covered," Erin interjected. She took Jane's wrist again, more gently this time, and led her over to Tony's car. Popping the trunk she handed her a completely stuffed black backpack. "In here are enough lady bits, make up, underwear and snacks to last about a month. Mr Stark and I have already had a team pack up your apartment - which we'll rent out on your behalf – and have had everything placed into storage for you. Your research is being shipped to Stark Towers where Thor can pick it up when the bridge between worlds is mended. I've already sorted a cover story for anyone who might want to know where you've gone but for whatever reason can't handle the truth so you really don't have a single thing to worry about." Erin assured her.

"When did you do all of this?" Jane laughed in surprise. The sneaky girl had thought of just about everything.

"While you slept on the plane mostly but Mr Stark and I have had this planned for a couple of days." Erin shrugged like it was no big deal.

"Thank you so much." Jane hugged Erin tight, bringing tears to both girls' eyes.

"Let's get you gone," Erin smiled sadly, squeezing her new friend slightly.

Jane nodded and Erin turned her back. She hated watching people leave. Instead she wandered off a little ways and took out her phone. Now that the chaos was over she thought it would be a good time to call her dad. They hadn't spoken in a long time and she figured an alien invasion would be a good a reason as any to catch up again. After several attempts though there was still no answer. Erin didn't worry though. He missed a lot of her calls. If he wanted to talk he'd call back. She just knew it.

When she swivelled round to face the group again she was met with the sight of just Steve standing alone, hands in his pockets as he waited for her to be done.

"Can I give you a ride anywhere?" He asked graciously, indicating his waiting motorbike with a nod of his head.

"No, I'll walk." Erin declined with as much civility as she could muster.

"You sure? Because I don't mind." He tried not to insist but he didn't feel comfortable just leaving her alone. He had this strange feeling whenever he looked at her that he couldn't quite place.

"Yes." She answered shortly.

Before he could detain her any longer Erin dodged around him and walked in the general direction of her apartment. Steve watched her go and felt strangely sad to do so. Something about her interested him. The way her mood changed radically, her aversion to him and her attitude all reminded him vaguely of someone he once knew. That was enough to make up his mind on several matters that had sprung to mind as he watched his fellow Avengers leave. From his jacket pocket Steve pulled out the strange mobile telecommunications device that Director Fury had bestowed upon him and after several minutes of semi-confused faffing he managed to call the person he wanted to talk to.

"Come on Grandpa, surely you know better than to call someone while they're driving." Tony scolded mockingly.

"I need your help." Steve stated, frowning because asking for help was not really his strong point. Usually he was the giver of aid, not the one in need but the 21st Century was a strange time and he was definitely out of his depth.

"_You_ need _my_ help?" Tony laughed half-heartedly. "See that, he can't go five minutes without needing my help." Tony added to Bruce who humoured him with a hollow chuckle. "What can I do for you?"

"It's about Erin." Steve let out a big breath, bracing himself for the teasing.

Instead he was greeted by silence on the end of the phone which made Steve worry that the line had gone dead. The sound of traffic in the background assured him that Tony was just remaining silent though.

"Tony?"

"You're barking up the wrong tree there Captain." Tony finally spoke, all trace of jokiness erased from his voice.

"What do you mean?" Steve asked defensively. He knew full well what Tony meant. He didn't understand why he was saying that though. They'd only just known one another for a few seconds.

"Co- Erin had no interest in you. Just leave her be." Tony told him firmly.

"How can you know for sure? She's only just met me." Steve pressed him. He deserved a chance at least. Everybody deserves one chance as it's only fair. Sadly life isn't fair sometimes but that was fine. Steve had always fought to change that. He wouldn't stop just because Tony said so.

"I'm related to Sherlock Holmes so I can tell." Tony replied offhandedly.

"Impossible. Sherlock Holmes is a fictional character." Steve pointed out.

"Very possible," Tony countered in that arrogant way he always did.

"It doesn't matter. Look, I – I just need to find a way to connect with her, to get to know her. Can you help me? Please?" Steve was trying not to get frustrated. Tony could be infuriating sometimes.

There was another pause and then a small sigh.

"I'll see what I can do."


	2. Part 1 Chapter 2

Erin studied herself in the reflective golden elevator interior. Her hands trembled as she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. For the hundredth time she smoothed the skirt of her casual black dress before clutching the thin strap of her satchel so tight that her knuckles turned white. She grimaced and wiggled her toes inside the tight, shiny black heels she only wore to business meetings. Once she'd returned home Erin had received a phone call from Tony inviting her to the partially destroyed Stark Towers although for what he wouldn't say. Secretly she hoped it would be to discuss further employment with him. During her little odd job of collecting Jane, Erin had really got on well with Mr Stark. He was a fun employer and if he hired her – though for what she had no clue – then she could quit her pathetic Starbucks job finally.

With the typical _ding_ the elevator doors slid smoothly open and Erin stepped out. This was evidently one of the levels that had been unaffected by the battle through the city. Through the massive windows she could see the half-destroyed cityscape between the pulley ropes of the teams of builders that swarmed the outside of the building to repair the damage. The TV, which was as wide as her body was tall, had been turned up to maximum volume in order to mask the reconstruction racket outside. Some sort of modern music channel blasted out synthetic beats which were average at best in Erin's opinion. She wasn't really acquainted with modern music as it was all more or less the same song now and that bored her.

Where it was yet to be properly decorated the room was painstakingly white with only sparse splashes of colour provided by the haphazardly placed furniture and holo-screens to alleviate her eyes. A sweep of the room revealed to Erin that there were more people present than she had expected. Dr Banner was in the kitchenette drinking and chatting with Tony and a man she only knew as Hawkeye from her father's stories and news reports. Natasha lazed in one of the many plush cream leather sofas as she flicked through the latest issue of _Guns & Ammo_. At a round ivory table Pepper sat pouring over pieces of paper and holo-projections of stocks whilst Steve sat opposite her reading a book about the progression of 1970s America. The latter two happened to be closest to the elevator so they were the first to notice her appearance. Together they stood up and came over to welcome Erin, who had forgotten to move.

"I'm so glad you made it!" Pepper greeted her with an air-kiss on the cheek and a hug Erin warmly returned. Since their first meeting where she had been given all the relevant paperwork, Erin hadn't seen Pepper at all. They'd gotten along so well the first time and now she was glad to see the kind face again.

Once she was released Steve offered his hand out which Erin coolly accepted because Pepper was present. Her skin crawled at his touch but she made an effort to conceal her disgust.

"Tony!" Pepper called, gesturing her boyfriend over to them.

He heard and turned to see Erin awkwardly standing there, looking anywhere but at Steve after she'd snatched her hand away. With his usual boyish grin Tony bounded over and hugged Erin too.

"Erin! You made it!"

One of the great things about Tony Stark, Erin decided, was that he was such a good faker that he could make you feel special, important or wanted and you would believe him to be sincere even if part of you knew it was all an act.

With the brightest smile Tony ushered Erin over to the kitchenette. Out of the corner of the eye Erin saw Steve follow them as Pepper returned to her work.

"As I'm sure you know this is the amazingly intelligent Dr Bruce Banner," Tony introduced her. "And this handsome chap here is Agent Clint Barton, also known as Hawkeye."

"How do you do?" Bruce smiled, leaning forward and shaking Erin's hand. His hands were warm which Erin liked, especially as hers were always so cold.

Clint nodded in Erin's direction but said nothing which was fine. Erin could understand not wanting to converse with strangers. Most days she felt that way herself.

"So now seems to be as good an opportunity as any to reveal to you all my latest project," Tony announced, commanding the attention of everyone in the room. "I have had the most wonderful idea and as such have commissioned Erin here as the Head of Writing and Research for said project."

There were several looks of alarm in Tony's direction and everyone's eyes flitted curiously to Erin who, up until that moment, had been oblivious to this fact.

"What I want, well, what _we_ want seeing as I did briefly talk about this with Erin a couple of days ago, is to turn your histories into stories which we would obviously sell to the public." Tony told them.

As he was met by instant barrages of disapproval Erin cast her mind back to when she first met with Tony. They had been talking about her aspirations in a getting-to-know-you conversation before they had truly gotten down to business. She had mentioned she was a writer and Tony had briefly mentioned her writing his biography but they hadn't dwelled on it much as conversation had naturally veered away from the subject.

"Will you just hear me out?" Tony's voice snapped Erin out of the past and back to the present. "At the moment the public has a very split opinion about us. We can't do our jobs properly if the people we're saving don't want our help. Telling them our origin stories would endear us to them and thus make our lives easier."

"Tony, people can't know my history. It's classified for a reason." Natasha pointed out.

"What about the money?" Hawkeye added. "Who would the profits go to? You, whoever you were writing about or her?" He motioned to Erin with his thumb.

"She has a name you know." Steve said defensively.

Erin glared at both men and folded her arms. She could handle assholes just fine if Clint wanted to be an asshole to her. What she hated was how Steve was so quick to defend her when she was not only a stranger to him but also perfectly capable of defending herself.

"Why does it have to be about us anyway? If we should be telling anyone's story it should be Phil's." Natasha completely ignored the Captain's statement.

"While that's a nice idea getting information would be more difficult considering the fact that he's dead." Bruce pointed out.

Erin's heart skipped a beat.

"Phil?" She looked to Tony for confirmation.

The light vanished from his eyes though his smile was still plastered onto his face. Wordlessly he gave a minute nod just as Clint clarified for her "Agent Phil Coulson."

"I see." Erin said slowly, trying to steady her heart which had switched to the other end of the spectrum and was now racing.

"Did you know him?" Steve asked. She wished that he hadn't.

"No, not at all." She replied, shrugging off whatever she was feeling.

Tony was impressed at how well Erin hid her feelings. If he hadn't known her secret then he would never have had a clue that she was bottling up a magnitude of emotions. But he did know her secrets and not just because JARVIS had pulled up a lot of delicious information on her either. They had gotten to know each other rather well during their first and only meetings before he had Pepper put her on a flight to Norway where S.H.I.E.L.D. had hidden Jane for her own protection.

"_Why am I here?" Erin had asked the moment Tony had gestured for her to sit down at their table in a luxurious restaurant. Even from the beginning she hadn't been one to mess around. She got things done, like Pepper only younger and bolder with was more like Tony himself. He liked that about the young woman._

"_I know your father," At his words Erin attempted to get up and leave but he grabbed her arm and stopped her from going. "He told me about your interest in Thor and Jane Foster." That made her listen. _

_Erin sat down again and looked at Tony expectantly. _

"_I have a job for you if you want it, reuniting them." He told her._

_Erin looked him up and down. Despite the high class of the place he was in a T-shirt and she could see the glow of his arc reactor in his chest through it. She couldn't shake the feeling that she was being played somehow. Like someone had paid this man a lot of money to humiliate her somehow but who would do it? Peter was the only person she could think of that had reason enough to but he was all the way back in England and hadn't heard from her in seven years._

"_I'm not having you on, I swear. Thor is on a S.H.I.E.L.D. helicarrier right now and I know how much you want to help." Tony spoke fast to keep her attention. He'd already done some background research on her and knew she had a habit of walking away._

"_Why?" Erin kept her response brief and to the point. She didn't trust him. She didn't really trust anyone._

_That was an excellent question. Why did it matter to Tony if the Asgardian brute was happy? None of these people really meant anything to Tony. There was no real reason for him to waste his time, money and energy on this venture at all._

"_Because as off-hand and self-centred as I make myself seem, I actually like helping people out and so do you." He told her honestly because he recognised himself in her and the girl had barely spoken a word to him._

_Erin narrowed her eyes for a second but quickly determined that for once someone was being open with her. She sat back in her seat, careful to keep eye contact with him._

"_Do you want to eat dinner and talk here? Because if not I could take you up to the helicarrier. Apparently The Captain makes a mean-" Tony started babbling but a dark look from Erin cut him off._

"_Captain America?" She asked to fill the gap._

"_Yes." Tony was wary to answer as the look didn't leave her face. "You don't like him?" He finally asked._

"_That man ruined my childhood and he wasn't even alive then." Erin stated._

_She picked up the menu laid before her and made it clear that they wouldn't be leaving. Tony evaluated the situation for a moment. It was clear Erin wouldn't talk about The Captain anymore so he let the silence resume until the waitress arrived. He would start the conversation there from scratch, making sure to leave out any reference of her father or Steve. Under normal circumstances he would never have been so considerate but they had a lot more in common than hating their fathers and a habit of being bold._

Tony passed Erin a glass of vodka and lemonade which she took gratefully and downed more or less in two swigs. Steve watched her with alarm as she traded her empty glass with Tony for another full one. No one else seemed to notice or care as they broke up into their mini conversations which was just fine by Erin. If she was going to work for Tony writing about these people – and she would end up doing just that despite their protests because Tony Stark always got what he wanted in the end – then she had better start making notes.

Out of her satchel she pulled out an empty notebook and a fountain pen. She hopped up onto the counter and opened the spiral-bound book to its first page. As the afternoon progressed she noted all the little ticks and quirks the Avengers showed that would make them seem as real as they were to readers. For example, Bruce's breathing was too controlled to be a subconscious effort because no one breathed in on every first beat and exhaled every fourth naturally. While he spoke his fingers would trace numbers and letters on his leg or the table surface. The movements were so small though that it was easy to miss and Erin suspected that was the point. It was a private calming technique which she would end up showing the world but only with his permission. Each of these characters would proof her work before it was released. That she was certain of.

Another interesting thing Erin noted was the way Natasha and Clint behaved. Though they never spoke to one another or even looked in the same direction the pair would alternate in sweeping the room with a look that used the reflection of whatever was about ever twenty-three seconds. Natasha also rested her feet on the edge of the coffee table and Erin could imagine her using her feet to flip or kick it at an attacker if the situation came down to it. She also noticed that Clint was standing right next to the magnetic bar where all the kitchen knives were suspended. She knew his preferred weapon was a bow but Erin also knew that an agent like Clint would not have exceptional skills with just one offensive weapon. Had anyone smashed through the window he would be the first to react, throwing a knife with excellent precision at the offender. Erin could picture it in her mind and she had to admit: it was pretty cool.

It wasn't easy though, making those notes. These people spoke of Coulson who had died but he wasn't the only one. Dead bodies were still being found amongst the rubble and they were really only in the first days of rebuilding the city. How many more had they not been able to save? How many innocents had been caught in the crossfire? Thinking about all the dead bodies and the off-handed manner Bruce had mentioned Phil, Erin began to feel ill. She couldn't concentrate and alcohol certainly wouldn't help.

"I'm sorry, I've got to go." Erin apologised suddenly to Tony.

He nodded and the look he sent her showed he understood. Hastily Erin said goodbye to everyone and rushed for the elevator. Out on the street her breathing began to get shallow and she felt light-headed. Before she could flag down a cab she was overwhelmed and sat down on the curb. She was attempting to control her breathing as she'd seen Bruce do upstairs when someone spoke behind her.

"Can I escort you home?" Steve asked, sitting beside Erin.

She groaned. As if she wasn't having a bad enough time already.

"I'm fine thank you." She declined as politely as she could muster.

She closed her eyes and tried to refocus. If she couldn't see him then maybe she would be able to convince herself he wasn't here.

"You seem to be distressed and I couldn't let you go home alone while vulnerable." Steve frowned.

Erin's eyes snapped open and she glared at him.

"Let's get this straight right now. I am not vulnerable, I do not need your help," Erin snapped. "You don't have to let me do anything because you don't own me. You are nothing to me. The fact that you assume every woman sat on the curb is a damsel in distress really angers me because I can hold my own so just _leave_."

Steve blinked but didn't move. With a frustrated noise Erin got up and flagged down a yellow cab that forced Steve to jump up and move out the way. Still speechless he watched as the aggressive girl got in the cab, slamming the door behind her. Never had he been spoken to by a woman like that. Even when Peggy snapped she didn't have the same menace or hatred that Erin seemed to have for him. It baffled him. He didn't know her after all. What could he have done that was so bad?


	3. Part 1 Chapter 3

It was late evening, the day after Erin had gone to Stark Towers, when Pepper called her home. Erin was sat on the floor in the kitchen, staring disgustedly at the walls her father had painted long before she even came to the country. Something had possessed the man to paint the room to look like a giant American flag encased the room. Erin quite liked the white flagstone tiles that were cool against her feet and the marble worktops but in her opinion the red cupboards were too bold and the star-shaped light fixtures on the deep blue ceiling look ridiculous quite frankly. She couldn't change it though because technically this wasn't her place. Her father's name was on the lease but she paid for everything without his help. He hadn't been to New York for at least a year now anyway. She should change it. She wanted to change it but she didn't have the heart.

To deal with the eyesore she covered all of the cupboards with post-it notes of things she had to do like _call publisher_, _buy milk_, _shave legs_ and _get second safe_. Photos of dresses, shoes, jewellery and other fashionable items had been tacked all over the cupboards too as incentive to keep her weight steady. Not many US clothing stores catered to size 4s and below and overseas ordering was not a pleasant experience as her neighbours kept on "forgetting" to give her her packages so Erin had needed reminding that eating was a good idea. An assorted range of cookbooks and other, fiction works were stacked high upon the countertops allowing absolutely no room for food preparation. Clean dishes were also piled on the draining board but Erin hardly ever bothered putting them away as she would need to use them again several hours after cleaning them. Full grocery bags lined the wall below the semi-circular breakfast bad hatch waiting to be put away but after hauling them up many flights of stairs by herself Erin wasn't really in the mood to move. Instead she just stared at the fridge, the front of which was cluttered with magnets from across the globe that her father had collected from his travels, without really seeing what was in front of her. Silence rung in her ears. It was Saturday night. Everyone was out.

The vibrating in the back pocket of her jeans startled Erin. She rocked herself forward and answered the call without bothering to check Caller ID.

"Erin's phone." She stated in a mature tone. After all, it could have been her publisher.

"Hey Erin, it's Pepper." The voice was clear on the phone which was unusual as normally Erin had terrible signal in her apartment.

"Hey," Erin greeted her cheerily. She stood up and stretched, rubbing the numbing part of her body tenderly with a hand as she cracked her spine. "What's up?"

"Tony wanted me to call you to set up a meeting about that book idea," Pepper told her. "That is, if you're interested. I know how Tony can be, dragging people into his schemes without their full consent." She laughed briefly and Erin joined in.

"No, I'd love to do it. What days are you free?" She asked, grabbing a pen and paper off of one particular stack of hardback _cooking for beginners _books she wandered into her even more cluttered living room. Using her pinky finger she turned on her laptop and perched on the edge of the swivel office chair, careful not to push off the stack of freshly printed papers already resting there.

"Well I know he wants to get this project underway as soon as he possibly can," Pepper mused, flicking through both their calendars on the other end of the line. "Tomorrow afternoon is free. Do you want to meet anywhere in particular?"

"Someplace not too expensive with caramel coffee would be great," Erin replied, scribbling hastily on her piece of paper as she did so. She didn't even have to check her calendar to know she was free. She had nothing planned for another week and that was only returning to her job.

"I think I know a great place." Pepper's smile could be heard in her voice.

"Cool. Is it just going to be us or…?" Erin trailed off, knowing that Pepper knew what she meant.

"No, uh, Steve is going to be there too. Tony had a discussion with the others and right now he's the only willing… participant in Tony's scheme." Pepper filled her in.

Erin turned pale.

"Okay, that's cool. I, uh, I gotta go but I'll see you tomorrow yeah?" She had to fake enthusiasm but it was enough to convince Pepper.

"I'll text you the meeting place and time later." She arranged before having to go.

Once the call ended, Erin snapped her feeble biro in half. Of course it would be Captain freaking America that she would have to work with first. She could never have something nice on its own in her life. The good always had to come instantly paired with the bad. Her chance to finally get her name out there as a writer and she was stuck with one of the men she hated most in the world. Just great.

Throwing down her things beside the laptop, Erin stalked back into the kitchen and began to put away the food she'd just bought. When that was done she even put away the dishes just to waste time. In the back of her mind she knew she ought to be doing background research on Steve, getting together plans to present to Tony as possible ideas for how they could proceed with the task and such but she just couldn't bring herself to sit down and concentrate. She knew more than she wanted to know about Captain Rogers from the seemingly endless string of facts her father spouted out when she was young. She knew more about him than she knew about her own father which was just wrong. Still, she didn't know enough.

Sighing, Erin stalked into the living room and moved the stack of papers off her chair. Slumping down, she opened up Google Chrome and searched "Captain America".

**About 72,000,000 results (0.51 seconds)**

Oh boy. She scrolled past the many news reports of the Captain's "amazing feats of bravery" and many, many videos people had taken of him jogging at dawn, buying groceries and battling various criminals. Erin snorted when she saw an extract referring to the man as a "representation of the pinnacle of human physical perfection" and couldn't go on with her search. She closed her computer lid and stared at her desk blindly for a moment before getting up and walking into her bedroom. She didn't bother flipping on the light because she knew exactly what she was looking for and where it was hidden.

In a large box located in the exact centre of the space under her bed there was a file she needed. Lying flat on her stomach Erin crawled into the dust and dragged the heavy wooden crate out of the space, grunting slightly with the strain of it. Luckily for her the lid slid off easily enough as Erin was feeling slightly drained after her claustrophobic experience under the bedstead. Inside the box were an array of items: baby clothes, crudely drawn child pictures, collages, baby albums, certificates and files. Ignoring everything else, Erin picked up an A4 brown folder and flipped it open. Inside were a single notebook, Captain America themed children's activity pages and a single photograph. She had intended to go straight to her father's notebook were he'd creepily written down a bunch of background information on his childhood idol but the photo made her stop.

She had only been five at the time it was taken. Her cheeks were round but she had lost most of her baby fat by this point. With hair in pigtails and a terrible full fringe, Erin could place the day in her memory with near-perfect accuracy. The photo had been taken at some sort of fair in a town she couldn't remember. She remembered her father waking her that morning though and putting her in that horrid dress that was like a puffy skirted version of her kitchen. Erin could recall arriving at the fair and how her dad had asked the face-painting lady to put Captain America shields on her cheeks. She'd only gone along with it because he had promised she could wash it off before he took her to Holly's birthday party after the fair. That had been the first in a long series of broken promises.

"_Say cheese!" her dad beamed, holding the camera up to his eyes._

"_Cheese!" Young Erin had grinned as wide as possible because she thought she would get what she wanted that way. _

_There was a flash and her father lowered the camera. His light brown hairline had already receded pretty far back, even then but his pale face wasn't as lined as it would become as the stress of his workload increased over the subsequent two decades. Putting his camera away, he smoothed down his Captain America T-Shirt and took Erin's tiny hand._

"_Can we go to Holly's now?" Erin asked, looking up at him with wide, chocolate puppy eyes._

"_Not yet sweetie." He kept his head down but she could see his eyes scanning the area through his peripheral vision which frustrated her because it's rude not to look at the person talking to you. He had told her that. _

"_But the party started already! And she's my bestest friend" Erin whined._

"_Sir, I can take her if-" An Asian woman offered. She'd been with them all day, playing the role of mother in whatever charade Erin was oblivious to._

"_That's not necessary May." Erin's father assured her._

_Both woman and girl opened their mouths to protest when their attention was stolen by a man at a large stall selling Captain America memorabilia. Instantly Erin was dragged over while her father browsed through the merchandise in case there was something he already had. Erin, being only five after all, pouted and threw herself on the ground. Tears welled up in her eyes but she bit her lip to keep them from falling. Only babies cried. She had really wanted to go to that party though! There was going to be jelly, ice cream, a piñata and even a real live pony! She'd seen so many things in her brief lifetime but she'd never seen a real live pony up close!_

_May crouched down in front of Erin and watched her for a moment. Then she handed her a tissue._

"_Don't worry. The second your daddy is done here I'll take you to that party." May promised her quietly._

_Erin blinked and dabbed clumsily at her eyes._

"_He won't ever be done here! He's always looking at Captain America things and never at me!" Erin cried._

"_That's not true. He's always talking about you at work." May told her. Gently, she took the tissue off of Erin and used it to wipe the tiny girl's nose._

"_Really?" Erin's puppy dog eyes had returned._

"_Yeah," May smiled and so did Erin. _

_The older woman opened her arms and Erin got up and walked into them. Her father always gave her nice hugs but Erin was certain May's were better. In fact, she ranked May in the top three of her _Best Huggers in the Universe _list along with Santa Claus and her mother (not that she knew who her mother was or what she hugged like – Erin had just decided that moms always gave the best hugs)._

_Over May's shoulder, Erin saw the most bizarre thing. A nail was somersaulting through the dirt towards them. Her eyebrows furrowed as she watched a key roll beside it. Taping May on the shoulder, she pointed to the items. May's eyes went wide and she picked Erin up. Confused and a tiny bit frightened, Erin allowed it without a fuss as she normally would have made. _

"_Phil," May tapped her father on the shoulder and nodded at the ground._

"_Get her out of here. Call in back up," Phil murmured to her._

_May nodded and started to walk away with Erin when a knife sailed past their heads._

"_I don't think so." A high, cruel voice tutted behind them._

_Erin buried her head against May's shoulder. She felt her weight being shifted to one arm as May raised her wrist and the small communicator on it to her mouth._

"_All units in the area mobilise. We have found the target. I repeat, we have found the target." She barked._

_Once the message was out she placed a protective hand over Erin's head and ducked to find cover._

That's when the memory went hazy for Erin. She didn't remember how it turned out in the end but she knew that the magnetic man was caught and taken far away. She also knew that she'd never made it to Holly's birthday party and her friend didn't speak to her for a whole week afterwards (which is an incredibly long time in a child's mind). Erin hadn't even gotten to go home with her father. May just took her back to her aunt's house and that was that.

Angry at the memory, Erin threw the file and its contents on the floor. Her cheeks felt hot and her eyes began to water but she wouldn't cry. What was the point? Her father was dead now so he couldn't make amends for what he'd done. She had to live with the fact that she was alone and no one from S.H.I.E.L.D. had the decency to call her and tell her this. In an act of anger she kicked the wooden box over onto its side and stormed out of the room.

Erin was the only one in the gym that late in the evening. That was fine by her though. She could play her music on the radio while she used the punching bag before her. Pent up aggression only made human interaction more difficult so she came out to the private boxing gym to unleash her pent up emotion.

With each thudding punch Erin felt her anger drain away just a tiny bit more. She imagined all the people she hated suspended from the ceiling before her. She punched Steve, her father, her aunt, Peter and that snarky git from the third floor of her apartment building in their imaginary guts over and over again. It was really quite cathartic.

"_I hate you so much right now_," Erin mouthed along to the words of the song as she increased the speed of her punches. She was so immersed in music and thought that she didn't even notice the door to the gym open and close. She wasn't aware of anything until there was the resounding thud of a bag hitting the floor.

Whipping around, Erin her gloves out defensively in front of her.

"Woah, take it easy there. I'm not going to hurt you." Steve Rogers raised his hands in the air.

"Are you following me?" Erin glared at him, not lowering her hands.

"What? I've never seen you before." Steve said.

Erin shook her head and looked at him again. It wasn't Steve at all. Yes, this man was tall, blonde and well-built but he wasn't the man she despised. He was just a guy and a handsome one at that.

"Sorry," Erin apologised, lowering her guard.

She crossed over to the stereo and unplugged her phone.

"You can keep it in. I don't mind." The man offered nicely enough but Erin decline.

"I was leaving anyway." She muttered.

Keeping her head bowed she gathered up all her stuff and disappeared off into the night. There had to be a better way to get these men out of her head.

_**((Song: I Hate You So Much Right Now - Kelis))**_


	4. Part 1 Chapter 4

Erin was late. She hadn't meant to be but she was. Or at least she thought she was. Maybe Pepper had said four and not three. In any case it was twenty past and Erin ran as fast as she could in her heels up the stairs to the apartment where her appointment was to be conducted. Sadly it wasn't the first time she had been late that week and her persistent tardiness was really beginning to frustrate her. As she barrelled past a woman in large, dark sunglasses and a floral headscarf she couldn't help but think back to Sunday, when her lateness began.

_Erin sped towards the café specified in the message she'd received from Pepper telling her where the meeting would be. Clutching the blue paperback to her chest, Erin darted around the floods of people cramming the sidewalk until she finally got to the café entrance. Before going in Erin stopped and fixed her hair in the reflection of the door. Readjusting her satchel she pushed open the door and hurried in to the café._

"_Over here Erin!" Pepper called out cheerily, waving from a booth near the back._

_Erin made a beeline to them and nearly knocked over an old man with large glasses and a white moustache. Apologising, Erin carried on over and slid into the seat opposite Pepper which just happened to be next to Steve._

"_Sorry I'm late," Erin gushed. She placed her book onto the table and pulled her bag onto her lap. "When I left home some hobo was sick on my boots so I had to change into these stupid shoes and then I was starting my book on the tube and I missed my stop." As she said this she slid the book off the table and exchanged it for a spiral bound black notebook. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Steve write a something in a tiny book but she didn't pay any attention. She had more important things to think about._

"_Don't be sorry. It's not like we've been here long." Tony waved his hand dismissively._

"_I ordered you a caramel latte." Pepper added, pushing a large cup towards Erin._

"_How much?" Erin asked, pulling her purse out._

"_The first round was on me, no need to pay me back." Steve answered unexpectedly._

_Erin opened her mouth but thought better of it and pursed her lips again. Instead she flipped open her notebook, uncapped her red biro and poised it over the lined paper._

"_So I assume you're taking the lead on this one Tony?" Erin asked briskly, her tone changing as she settled into professional mode._

"_Nope." Tony leant back in his seat, popping the p as he did so._

"_Tony and I figured as you were the writer you could take the lead. You tell us what we need and we'll try to make it happen." Pepper explained. _

_Whilst Erin looked at her notes Pepper removed a thin tablet from her own bag and turned on the screen. The black panel began to blow and veins of blue light burst to life on the screen. Erin waited patiently while Pepper readied herself, ignoring Steve who thankfully remained silent. _

"_Okay, so we need to talk over a few things before we get going. First we need to discuss what we want to do as writers, as in what story are we telling, how are we telling it and who are we telling it to? Etcetera. Then we need to think about what an audience might want to know. Ultimately we need to achieve some sort of balance." Erin began, jotting notes as she did so._

"_What can't we just do what we want? Surely you write a story the way you want it and then if people like it they read it?" Tony asked straight away, frowning at the idea of seemingly unnecessary compromise._

"_Because we have an agenda here. We want to endear the public to The Avengers, get them on our side in case things become… strained with the government. The… politics of it all mean that we have to take a slightly different approach to how a solo writer would." Erin answered carefully, not because she thought Tony might not understand but because everyone at the table needed to be clear that this was what they were doing. _

"_Okay," Tony shrugged, happy with the answer she had provided._

_Thus started a very lengthy discussion about everything Erin had listed. The story itself that they wanted to tell was simple enough; it would be Steve's life story from the time he was accepted into the army until waking up in the present day or there about anyway. The angle too was straightforward. Steve was always the good guy so they would tell it honestly. Everyone loves a hero after all. The format was the first difficulty the group encountered. Steve was in favour of a standard biography in prose with chapters as biographies were meant to go. Tony on the other hand insisted that Steve's was a boring idea as people weren't too fond of traditional reading anymore. Pepper suggested books with pictures to make it more exciting but Erin instantly shot that idea down. Books with pictures are for children under the age of nine, she claimed, and would not appeal to adults in the slightest. After an entire cup of coffee spent arguing Erin decided that it was a topic they could return to once they had covered several other items on her list. _

_The target audience was also a difficult one to decide. The main thing was to target active members of the US population, so people who were likely to speak up in support of The Avengers if the situation required it. That meant mainly young adults as they were always quite keen to support world-changing ideas. It also needed to be something to appeal to older generations as well though which is where it became more problematic. _

_Several cups of coffee later and they still hadn't really gotten anywhere. Erin was starting to tug out her hair and Tony was getting restless in his seat. Pepper and Steve appeared to be just fine but then again Pepper was used to sitting in long and frustrating meetings and Steve was… well, he was Steve._

"_Here's an idea," Tony said, sitting up straight and looking directly at Erin suddenly. "Why don't you just write it? Do the research, get a first draft of the damned thing and then we come back as a team and try this again." _

_Erin sighed in relief. This was the best idea that had been brought forward all day._

"_Yeah, let's do that." She agreed with a smile. _

_Erin couldn't help herself. She rested her elbows on the table, held her head in her hands and closed her eyes. It was such a strange process to her. Never before had she worked with people to create a story for a specific purpose. It was a tiring experience but she would get paid for it so she tried her best to adapt to the new situation. _

"_Are you okay?" She felt a hand on her shoulder._

_Opening her eyes, Erin saw that Steve had shifted into Pepper's seat as she and Tony had vanished. Her shoulder jerked, throwing his hand off._

"_I'm fine thank you." She said coolly._

"_They said we should meet up soon so you can start interviewing me." Steve relayed the message, ignoring her tone._

"_When are you free?" Erin picked up her pen and looked down at her notebook. She was never busy so there was no need for her to be the one who specified the day._

"_Tuesday. You could join me for lunch at my place?" Steve suggested._

_Erin raised a sceptical eyebrow._

"_I'd rather not discuss my past in a public place." Steve confided in a low voice._

Erin had understood completely. Had the tables been reversed she'd certainly have wanted to discuss the painful subject of the past in the comfort of her own home. That's why she was there, on Tuesday at lunch time, knocking on his apartment door: because she understood. She also really, _really_, wanted to get paid for this job. If she could write this well, maybe she could sell some original stuff. That wasn't important though, the job at hand was.

Collecting herself, Erin tried her very best to smile as the door swung open and Steve greeted her with a smile.

"I'm glad you made it." He opened the door wider and gestured for her to walk past him inside.

"Sorry I'm late," Erin apologised, taking in her surroundings as she did so. "I was finishing my book on the tube and I missed my stop."

"Can I see?" Steve asked interestedly, closing the door and following her down the hall to the kitchen.

Erin handed him the light blue paperback that was still clutched in her hand as she took in her surroundings. It was almost exactly how she'd imagined it: Cream coloured walls, a beige carpet. Oak wood dressers, shelves and picture frames sparsely lining the walls. She pursed her lips at all the books he had lining his bookshelves in an orderly fashion as it reminded her of how her own apartment ought to look like but she smiled again at the sepia photographs in the small frames hung on the wall. There was one of Steve as a young boy with a set of smiling parents but that was the only one of him. The rest were of men from the Howling Commandos; that she knew from her childhood. She also knew that the woman who reoccurred frequently was Peggy Carter, his love interest and the woman she would undoubtedly hear a lot about over the next few weeks. Great.

The kitchen was simple enough, a gas cooker, a stainless steel fridge and a handful of oak wood cupboards all pristine. There were no post-its or papers stuck to the surfaces. Everything was spick and span and regimented. Not an item out of place. The three potted plants stood in a uniformed row on the windowsill, absorbing the sun in an orderly fashion. The small round table was scrubbed clean and contained only a plate of sandwiches, two bottles of pop and a couple of napkins. Clearly he'd been expecting her to eat with him. Erin only felt mild guilt at having to tell him she didn't eat lunch.

"You were reading this on Sunday, before the meeting." Steve remarked as he finished reading the blurb.

"Yes," Erin nodded, turning to face him. "I only ever read on the tube." She wasn't sure why she told him this. It wasn't like he needed to know.

"Right now all I ever do is read." Steve nodded in response.

There was a pause, the silence of which made Erin want to cringe and flee the apartment. She stuck it out though. She had a job to do.

"Are we going to record in here?" Erin asked nicely enough.

"Sure, unless you'd rather be more comfortable in the living room?" Steve suggested.

"This is fine." Erin smiled politely and sat in the chair that Steve didn't pull out for her.

He offered her a drink which at first she declined but then decided that she might need a glass of water and asked for such. As he did this and made himself a drink she pulled out a small handheld voice recorder. Tony had had it delivered to her the previous day, brand new with batteries included. She'd tested the device that morning and instantly deleted the audio files to conserve space, not because she hated the sound of her own voice.

"Whenever you're ready Captain Rogers," Erin announced, starting the recording.

"What would you like to talk about first?" Steve asked, placing the glass of water before her and sitting down across the table.

"Why don't we begin with your parents?" Erin suggested.

That was one of the things she had absolutely no clue about and was probably the most interested in. How did parents raise their child to be a good man? How did parents raise a child at all? She wouldn't know, having been raised by her aunt after all. She had a pen and that spiral-bound notebook open at a fresh page, ready to take notes.

"I was orphaned around the time of my sixteenth birthday. I never knew my father, he died in the first Great War before I was born. A German ship shot his plane down from the sky as he crossed over with his squad to France. My mother raised me on her own. When I was four she went back to nursing full time at the hospital. She died during one of the tuberculosis outbreaks because she couldn't bear to leave her patients." Erin was amazed at how well Steve told her this. She expected some sort of mournful tone, maybe a slight bitterness to his words but he talked about it as calmly as he might have talked about going shopping or reading a book.

"What were their names?" Erin asked, watching him very carefully.

"Joseph Steven Rogers and Sarah Mary Rogers."

Erin bit her lip as she scribbled down the names. She underlined the names Joseph and Mary. There was something she could make out of that, she was sure of it.

"So who were you once your mother died? What did you become before the war?" Erin asked the deliberately awkwardly phrased question. The curve ball was to see how he thought, what his mind was like. His response would shape the way she wrote about him. The little challenge was to see what he was really made of.

"Who was I? Still the same growing boy, just an orphaned one. My mother's death motivated me to help people even more than my father's death had. Both my parents were heroes and I wanted to help people, just like them. That led me to apply to the Police Academy but they wouldn't accept a scrawny kid with asthma. They laughed when I handed in the form and sent me on my way. I applied to the fire department but it was the same. I never had the book smarts to be a lawyer or a doctor and I didn't have a clue about how to drive back then so I couldn't work for the ambulance service either. I did find work at the hospital though as a janitor. It wasn't much but it paid for my keep living with Bucky's family and it was enough at the time." Steve remembered confidently. He was not ashamed of who he used to be. Erin admired that.

"And you were never angry when they rejected you? The police and the fire department?" Erin inquired, not looking up from her pad as she scribbled away.

"No," Steve sounded almost distracted as he watched her thoughts take form on the lined page on her lap. "I was never angry. There was no need to be. They rejected me to keep myself and others safe. If I'd had an asthma attack in a smoking building trying to rescue someone, not only would I have died but my fellow rescuers might have too trying to get us all out. I understand why they did it. I may never have known my father but my mother always told me he would have wanted me to do what was best for the greatest number of people. In some cases it's not letting the asthmatic kid get in the way of saving lives and in others it's keeping hospital patients in a clean environment for their recovery. I did my bit and stood up for what I believed in, just as he would have wanted me to."

Erin's hand paused mid-sentence and he could see her hand trembling. But it was only a pause and soon she was off again, her hand flying down the lines once more.

"Was it difficult? Not knowing him?" Her voice was tighter than usual. Steve wondered about her father, who he was and if Erin was like him in a way. Maybe she hadn't known her father either.

"No," He replied slowly. He didn't want to upset her with his truth. "I knew what he stood for; what both my parents stood for. That made it easier for me because I knew how to make them proud."

"And you were never mad at them either? You never resented them for dying and abandoning you?" Erin wanted to take back the question but it was out in the open before she could think twice. He didn't seem to mind the question though – of course he wouldn't – so she couldn't really retract it.

"Of course not. They were my parents and I could never be angry at them. Death is all part of God's plan. Clearly he intended for them to join him so I could become a better man." Steve shook his head.

Erin, a devout atheist, struggled internally for a moment. Death, God, parents – it was all too much for her at that moment. She was still struggling with the death of her father, whether she had hated him or not. It was hard to keep face in front of others. She would rather burn than let Steve see her break down so she closed her notebook and turned off the device.

"That's enough for today. These sessions will get longer as we progress but-" Erin didn't bother finishing her sentence. She felt sick to her stomach and had to escape.

Shoving all of her things into her bag, Erin fled the apartment, deaf to Steve's protests.

_There was one point, when Erin was fifteen years old, where she hadn't seen her father in about six months. Of course she resented him for the abandonment and the short phone calls but she hated her aunt and living in England even more. Despite what she wanted, Erin couldn't help but miss her father. It was just one of those things that couldn't be helped. So she dressed up for him, hoping to make him smile (which wasn't hard in all honesty) so that the visit would go smoothly. Her Captain America shield shirt was starting to get a tad on the small side but she wore a high-waist black shirt with it to cover the small gap over her midriff. _

_When he arrive she rushed past her aunt to the door, bag, coat and shoes already on. She was rearing to go as she hugged him tight and he could tell. He smiled at her eagerness and whisked her away to the nearest pizza place before her aunt could even open her stupid fat mouth._

"_What was it like India? Was it really hot and crowded? Did you catch the bad guy?" Erin shot questions at him while they waited for their pizza to come._

"_It was super crowded and the air was not only hot but sticky too. It made wearing a suit almost unbearable," Coulson confided with her. _

"_What about the mission?" Erin mouthed, knowing that she shouldn't really ask out loud in a public place but she was so curious. Maybe they could talk in code again._

"_That's classified," He winked at her. "But the Shield returned."_

_Erin smiled despite herself. The Shield was of course _his_ but it was also code for a hostage. If the Shield was lost, so was the victim but if it returned it meant the mission had been a success and another person was safe thanks to the man sitting across from her._

"_So tell me about you then. Is your aunt being nice?" her father asked with interest._

"_I've come to the conclusion that Marie isn't my aunt." Erin frowned, munching on a breadstick as she evaluated him reaction._

_The light in his eyes died a little but that could easily have been due to the cloud passing over the sun outside. He frowned slightly but there was no guilt evident on his face. Nothing that would give away that she was right but that wasn't a surprise. He was a highly trained operative after all._

"_Why would you say that?" He asked with mild concern. At least he didn't tell her to shut up and stop being ridiculous like her "aunt" had._

"_Because no woman could treat their own flesh and blood as horribly as she is to me. Also there are no pictures of you or my mom in her house. And she won't tell me anything about her. It's like she doesn't even know my mom and if they were sisters she would know." Erin reeled off her reasons._

"_Marie is your aunt Erin." Coulson told her firmly which really bugged Erin. She was right and he knew it._

"_She is not, just like the people at school are not my friends and I am not a boy and the sky is not green! I hate that woman, she is not my aunt so I shouldn't live with her. I should live with you in the States!" Erin insisted._

_This was not the first time she'd tried this tactic, nor would it be the last. As much as she disliked her father at times, Erin had always felt very strongly that she ought to live with him and not a stranger. Yes, he may work all over the world and hardly ever be home but she could have a baby-sitter until she was sixteen and then she'd be old enough to take care of herself._

"_You know you can't." _

_That's all he needed to say. Erin knew he would never listen to her properly. He never had before so she didn't bother arguing. There was no need to attract unwanted attention from the people around them. Instead of yelling and throwing things at him she let the rage build up inside of her. She kept silent and wouldn't talk to him because it was always the same. He always acted like he didn't want her to be closer to him and she was sick of it._


	5. Part 1 Chapter 5

Interviewing Steve was not easy for Erin. She was learning all these little facts and things about him that her dad would have loved to have known about him and that she herself would rather not have known about him had the circumstances been different. But they weren't.

Over three weeks Steve and Erin had met in his apartment seven times and gotten over twenty-four hours of recording. It was a long process and they hadn't bothered to do it in chronological order. Erin just picked a topic and Steve would start on that point. Together they would work their way down many different strands of his memory, exploring tangents thoroughly before returning to the main topic for that particular afternoon.

Steve admired Erin's dedication to the task. It was clear she didn't enjoy this stage of the job but she feigned interest well enough and thought to ask him things he wouldn't have even considered. She was persistent and he admired that. He also admired how she never shied away from the more gruesome details of his story. Even grown men had done that before and so did Steve himself in a way. She never pushed him either, never made him rush with his story. If something was upsetting him she'd tactfully change the topic or allow him time to gather himself together before continuing. She was considerate when he had shamefully expected her not to be and he desperately wanted to return the favour.

That was not possible though.

It had started out innocently enough: just a request to dinner or a walk in the park. It was a simple yes or no questions really but nothing with Erin was ever simple as Steve was slowly working out. At first she'd suppressed a laugh and declined in that forced-civil tone she often used with him outside of their interviews. Steve never pushed her but as time passed he would repeat his question after each interview as he was not the kind of man to just give up. She never used the same excuse twice which was something of interest to the captain. The second time he'd asked she had claimed to urgently need to type up her notes and go over the day's recordings, another time she had a doctor's appointment. Once she had to meet Tony and another time she joked (or so he thought) about being allergic to fresh air. It was the seventh time that she broke.

"Why would I want to go out with someone who doesn't even know my full name?" She had asked him heatedly, lingering in the doorway to assess his reaction to the venomous comment.

That had shut him up for a minute. In fact, he was so stunned that Erin had almost successfully escaped the building before he had the sense to run after her and ask.

That was a huge mistake.

At first she would not answer him but Steve pointed out that if she did not tell him then he would surely find out another way. It wasn't blackmail or bribery or anything of the sort but the way Erin bristled and fumed anyone would have thought he had threatened her with something terrible.

And then she said the immortal words that would change his opinion of her forever:

"Erin Elizabeth Coulson."

Steve hadn't needed to ask the first question that sprung to mind. Her look said it all. The anger strengthened by the pain of loss emanating from behind her eyes was a sight to behold. She didn't linger that time. She barrelled straight out of the building, letting her final words ring in his ears. He wouldn't have detained her, even if he had wanted to. Steve suspected it had taken a great deal of bravery for her to confess that to him and now she needed to be alone.

Originally, Steve had suspected that Erin would disappear off of his radar for a day or maybe two but a whole week went by and no one called to arrange their next meeting. There was no word from Erin or Tony so she tried calling them both. Neither answered his calls though which was more than a little concerning. In the end he got through to Pepper who had no idea what was going on but promised to look into it for him.

It quickly became apparent that Steve ought to have gone to Pepper first. The same day that he called her he received a phone call back from Tony, as bizarre as it felt because Tony Stark never called you. You always called Tony Stark.

"Hey gramps, I hear you've been stirring up a fuss back in the ol' Big Apple." Tony greeted him teasingly.

"Why didn't you tell me who she was?" Steve jumped straight to the point, unsure of how quickly his teammate's attention span would wane.

"She asked me not to." The shrug was evident in his voice.

"Whether she asked you to or not, I should have been told. I should have known so I could-" Steve began to get frustrated but Tony cut him off.

"So you could throw her a pity party? So that you could apologise and treat her like she was fragile? Do you honestly think that that girl would let you get away with something like that old timer? Erin didn't want you to know because she didn't feel comfortable with it. You should respect her wishes. Aren't you meant to be a gentleman or is that just a rumour?" Tony reeled off his piece very quickly but the captain still kept up.

"You're right," He sighed. He didn't like what he heard but for once the guy with the tin suit was completely right. "Have you heard from her lately? We've not spoken in three weeks."

"She's fine. I spoke to her this morning actually; had a nice chat about her sponsored vacation to Florida actually. Very nice. Did you know she's almost finished her first original novel? _Choke on My Ashes_ it's called. Pretty grim if you ask me but she's been working on it for, like, five years or something which is just absurd. I hope this project doesn't take as long. Then again…" Tony started babbling just to make Steve tire of him quickly.

"Sponsored vacation?" Steve had to ask, ruining Tony's speech flow.

"I paid for her to go out of town for a few weeks. The poor kid needed the break." Tony explained with an exasperated sigh.

"When will she be back?" Steve asked for both personal and non-personal reasons.

"If I'm not mistaken she got back yesterday." Tony sounded like he really had to think about it but Steve knew it was all a charade. Tony knew, he just liked winding him up with his supposedly superior knowledge.

"Will I hear from her soon?" Steve had to admit that he did sound a little desperate but he couldn't help himself. There was just something about her that could be described as addictive.

"I doubt it. Jane Foster's back in town tomorrow and the two have plans to go shopping." Tony faked enthusiasm.

"They fixed the Bifrost?" He hadn't only been studying American history over the past seventy years but also Norse Legends in tribute to his fellow teammate Thor among other things that he had previously not known.

"Yes and Little Miss Coulson is incredibly pleased. I think Jane is her only friend." Tony stage-whispered the last sentence.

"Tony," Steve didn't need to finish his warning. They both knew the comment, while seemingly true, was also a little out of line.

And then Tony decided to get childish. Steve could tell that he was faking static with his mouth and pretending that he and the captain were breaking up just so he wouldn't have to get told off. Rolling his eyes, Steve hung up. He had gotten what he wanted after all and there was no point in playing Tony's childish games.

Slumping down onto the sofa, Steve covered his face with his hands and took a deep breath. He was tired and concerned. There was no telling when he might next hear from Erin again and he needed to see her, if only to apologise. Still, at least she was back in the city and safe.

"You're back!" Erin squealed excitedly, barrelling into Jane and enveloping her in a massive hug.

"I am!" Jane grinned, hugging her back. She'd been gone for a long time and it was nice to see the girl again. They hadn't known one another for long before she left but Jane felt a strong connection to the petite brunette before her. She owed Erin so much.

"Jane, do you need me to accompany you?" Thor asked, concern evident on his face.

Erin stepped back and simultaneously recognised the gesture as both cute and sickly.

"It's alright big guy," Tony clapped Thor on the back. "Erin is highly trained in the art of delivering pain. She'll keep Jane safe while they're out. Besides, I've got a fun day planned for the two of us."

Erin watched the billionaire carefully and caught the wink he sent her behind Thor's back. She grinned and waited as the two lovebirds bid farewell to one another. Once they had parted she led Jane off to the golden elevator so they could leave Stark Tower, barely able to contain her own excitement.

"Tell me everything."

"What do you mean they don't have chocolate?" Erin asked, outraged as they pushed two shopping carts through Walmart.

They'd had to travel out of the city a little for this most important part of the shopping trip but Tony was aware of their location and while Thor wasn't too pleased Jane and Erin loved the freedom that the spacious store gave them. New York was so compact, in fact it was near claustrophobic. Strolling down the aisles there was room to wiggle their shoulders and breathe as they exchanged stories.

"I mean they don't have chocolate. I have no idea why but it's kind of inconvenient. Some days a girl just needs her chocolate." Jane shrugged, pausing to throw an entire crate of Mars Bars into her cart.

"Odin's really getting you down, isn't he?" Erin frowned.

"He's not so bad really. He allows me to live there. He just doesn't talk to me, or acknowledge me in any way. And he keeps pushing Thor towards Sif even when I'm right there but it could be worse." Jane kept her tone light but Erin saw everything.

"He's a prat and I'm sure he'll die soon enough so you won't have a problem." Erin comforted her.

"Erin!" Jane couldn't help but laugh at the comment. "You can't say things like that!"

"Why not? A – It's true and B – he can't do anything about it." Erin reminded her brashly.

Unable to deny that she was right, Jane decided to move on. "So tell me about you. We've spent all this time on me and I haven't heard a single thing about you."

They paused at the end of an aisle to look at suitcases. Jane would certainly need one to haul all of her recently purchased necessities back to Asgard. Erin was quite for a moment as she looked at the price of the largest, seemingly strongest case there.

"I went down to Florida for a couple of weeks." She shrugged, not offering any more information.

"Just a general holiday or…?" Jane asked, glancing at the girl while she pretended to look at a large silver case.

"I've been working with Steve Rogers and I just needed to get away for a while," Erin confided in her. "Which one?"

"This one." Jane grinned, holding up the most absurd, floral case that was too yellow but large enough for what she needed.

Erin chuckled and took it from her friend and placed it in her cart.

"What else do we need?" Erin asked, looking at both carts that were very nearly full.

"Nothing else from here. So tell me what you're working on with Captain _America_." Jane nudged Erin gently with her shoulder in a friendly way as they walked side by side to the checkouts.

"Tony hired me to write his biography," Seeing Jane's confused look she added. "It's a long story."

"One you don't intend to share." Jane guessed.

"Nope." Erin shook her head.

"What's so terrible about him?" Jane asked as they began to unload everything onto the conveyor belt.

"Do you really want to know?" Erin raised an eyebrow. Jane had no clue what she was asking for.

"Yes," Jane nodded.

Her mistake.

After dropping off their bags at Stark Tower, Erin and Jane went on a walk in Central Park. The sun was sinking behind the skyscrapers, casting a fading orange glow throughout the little oasis of nature in the sprawling urban chaos that was New York. The two had bought hot dogs from one of the many park vendors and walked along in no particular direction, eating and chatting.

"I know… you don't like him… but you should… give him a chance." Jane advised Erin between bites of hot dog.

"Why? So he can make my life more miserable?" Erin scoffed before hovering up the onions on top of hers.

"That's a bit harsh." Jane noted.

"He's a man, it's what they're programmed to do." Erin truly believed in what she was saying which gave Jane cause for concern.

"As a scientist you should believe me when I say men aren't robots. Trust me, life would be easier if they were." Jane snorted.

"Robots or not, there _has_ to be some agenda because he's really trying and I don't trust him." Erin shook her head.

"Maybe-" Jane started to speak but she stopped as she watched a jogger approach them.

"Speak of the Devil and He shall appear." Erin muttered under her breath.

Steve was dressed in a grey t-shirt and black shorts, jogging down the path towards them. Unlike the other joggers he didn't have headphones connected to music. He was also fast than they were but he slowed down as the distance between him and the girls closed.

"Play nice." Jane said through gritted teeth as she smiled at Steve.

"Good evening ladies," he sounded slightly out of breath but it was barely noticeable. It would take a lot for a super human to be breathless, Erin thought, a lot more than a simple jog anyway.

"Captain Rogers," the girls greeted him formally.

"Call me Steve," He corrected, extending his hand to Jane.

"I'm Jane Foster. We've not be formally introduced." Jane blushed a little as she shook his hand.

"I remember. It's a pleasure." Steve let her go.

The small talk made Erin want to gag. She took a large bite of her hot dog to avoid looking at or talking to Steve but he was patient, chatting with Jane about her stay with Thor while he waited for Erin to run out of food.

"I'm glad you're okay," he told her finally. "I haven't heard from you in a while and I got worried."

"I'm fine. I was fine. I just went on holiday. I should have called but I was busy." Erin cursed herself internally for not keeping it shorter. She was wasting time with him when she ought to have been talking with Jane more.

"Are you sure? Because when you left the apartment last time you seemed very upset." Steve seemed genuinely concerned when he had no reason to be which irritated Erin. She hated playing the whole 'damsel in distress' role.

Erin was about to retort when Jane's phone rang.

"It's Thor. Excuse me," She smiled apologetically at Steve and then wandered off a few steps to take the call, providing Erin the perfect opportunity to say what was on her mind.

"I'm fine." She insisted, folding her arms.

"I just wanted to apologise-" Steve began, sincere regret in his eyes.

"Save it for someone who cares. I said I'm fine." Erin shut him down immediately.

"But-" Steve's protest was cut off with a glare.

He couldn't help admiring her beauty when she was angry. The fading light reflected in her chocolate eyes and gave a healthy glow to her skin. Strands of her messy purple hair trailed down her face and softened her features, making her seem as harmless as a mad kitten. The way all of her weight shifted on to her left leg, causing her right hip to stick up and out at an angle gave an air of… _sass_ to her. She was a bold little thing and Steve felt the overwhelming desire to calm her somehow. He knew this was out of his power though. To say she disliked him would be an understatement.

"Are you coming back for more interviews?" He asked finally, figuring that a change in topic would be the best idea.

"Yeah," There was a small sigh in her voice. He couldn't figure out what it meant. "I'll call sometime tomorrow afternoon to arrange the next one."

"You could just come over tomorrow afternoon at the usual time. I'm free." Steve offered. He wasn't sure if he was free or not but he would gladly cancel whatever he had planned to spend some time with Erin. It had been too long and he needed to get back into the flow. He was certain that the more she learnt about him, the more likely she would be to come around and hate him less.

"Okay," Erin nodded and didn't quite smile. A corner of her lips turned up though which was the most genuine positive reaction he'd gotten from her outside of the interviews in all their time knowing one another.

Erin seemed to recognise this because she blinked in a surprised manner and then lapsed back into her usual scowl.

"Erin, Tony needs us back at the tower." Jane told her, re-joining the pair.

"That's okay. I'll see you tomorrow Captain." Erin nodded in farewell to Steve.

He offered to walk them back but Erin insisted that they were fine and could manage. In the end he just let them go but he followed at an inconspicuous distance, just to be safe. He would never forgive himself if anything happened to them. God knew Erin had been through enough already, and Steve was only aware of the tip of the iceberg.


	6. Part 1 Chapter 6

"I feel like today's interview should be conducted in the living room," Erin announced as Steve let her into the apartment. "We'll need the more comfortable setting."

It was their twelfth interview since Erin took off on her unscheduled holiday and things had been going rather well. Erin found herself getting more relaxed around the Captain. She still despised him but, for example, whenever he began to talk about his faith she didn't want to hurl a Bible at his face because he was a massive stereotype. Instead she listed politely and linked his views to her own. To an outsider it may not appear as much but tolerance was a big step forward for her.

Steve recognised the progress Erin was making though and he did what he could to encourage it without letting on that he knew what she was doing. In looking at the situation he compared his treatment of Erin to be like approaching a deer: he had to move slowly and not make any startling sudden movements in order to get close enough to pull the arrow out of its flank. So for a while he stopped asking her out but he still offered to make her dinner so she wouldn't suspect anything. Once, when she actually ate on of the sandwiches he's prepared during an interview he thought at first he was dreaming! He wasn't though and that made him happier than reason dictated it should. He was one step closer to the deer.

"Okay." He smiled and led her this time – for the first time – into the living room.

While Erin set up Steve ducked into the kitchen to get the food and Erin's usual drink of water, allowing her to have a quick look around the room.

Like the rest of the apartment Steve kept the décor simple and bland. Oak wood, beige carpet, brown leather sofa and armchair. No TV but a wooden wireless on the dresser which Erin found both cute and saddening as it was clear Steve was trying to imitate home. Books everywhere and even a powered down tablet resting on the coffee table. A shiny silver record player (clearly a gift) and a whole shelf full of vinyls that probably cost the supersoldier an arm and a leg. There were photographs in here too, just as in the hall, in addition to framed newspaper clippings. Had she had the time, Erin would have studied the clippings but Steve returned and she wanted to get straight down to business.

Today was a touchy subject.

Can you tell me what it was like," Erin asked as she pressed play on the digital recorder. "Waking up for the first time after being submerged in the ice?"

The colour seemed to drain from Steve's face a little.

"Take your time," Erin said soothingly, setting back into the couch. "There's no rush."

"It was… dreadful. At first I thought I was fine, that Stark had fished me out and I was fine. Maybe I'd been out for a few days. It could have been weeks but it didn't matter. I was in a comfortable bed and I could hear the city out of my window. Hydra had been defeated and the war would be won.

"And then I head the radio and I froze. It was the commentary of a baseball game from before I signed up. I'd been to that game with Bucky back in the day so I knew something was wrong. At first I thought I'd been captured by the enemy. Escaping a German camp would have been so much better than what actually happened. I must have helped bring down a dozen of Nazi encampments during the war. I knew how to do that. I had no clue how to outrun S.H.I.E.L.D. though. I didn't even know who they were.

"When I escaped from the cell it was just endless grey corridors. Men and women in black suits were trying to slow me down but I dodged them and ran like hell. I heard the American accents and English words so I knew I was home so to speak but the world already felt wrong. In my time the walls were milky brown. Now everything was grey, not even silver. You might not think it but to me it still is a massive difference. Initially it made the surroundings seem futuristic and alien to me.

"Then I emerged out onto the street and I genuinely believed I'd stepped into another world. It was so loud. Noise bombarded me as I ran; some of it was definitely unnatural. It was so bright too. It was impossible to tell what time of day it was as the sun was hidden behind the massive buildings but I could tell my eyes were being assaulted but additional lights from your electronic billboards. It was so overwhelming and being chased and surrounded by and unknown, uniformed enemy didn't help, though it did remind me of home."

There was a pause as he gathered his thoughts. Erin remained silent until he resumed his train of thought. She had nothing to ask then.

"They told me it was 2012, that seventy years had passed while I was frozen in ice. I laughed it off at first as a fanciful idea from a story book but I was quickly proved wrong.

"To say I didn't take it well would be a lie. It was the worst experience of my life. More painful than being shot or losing my parents and Bucky combined. Everyone I knew – my friends, Peggy – had all grown up, lived their lives and died without me. They were all just gone and I had no one. I didn't know anyone in this time or how to even begin to change that. No one in this strange world shared any similarities to me. The soldiers were of a different breed, a different calibre. You were all changed by your advances in science, altered by your new morals, too young and too safe to know suffering as I had known it. I was a relic, the only living remnant of a time that no one seemed to even care about.

"I know that all sounds terribly vain and self-centred but I wasn't able to prevent these thoughts for the first time in my life. I ought to have been grateful that I lived at all but instead the realization that I was well and truly alone sent me on a downwards spiral. I hardly ate, hardly slept. I found an old gym that had been running since before my war and I holed myself away there, just punching bags of sand as I fought off the flashbacks. I became more machine than man, running on auto-pilot. I didn't want to get to know this new world as first. I couldn't bring myself to let go of the old one." Steve's voice became a little shaky and his hand trembled slightly as he reach for his glass of water.

"What changed your mind?" Erin's voice was soft as a feather. Her pen and paper lay forgotten at her side and her eyes glistened. She was also trembling slightly, visibly moved for once but the words that had come gushing out of his mouth.

"I realised that being angry and isolating myself would not bring them back." He replied firmly.

Unable to stop herself, Erin abandoned her sofa and crouched before Steve in his armchair. She took one of his hands in both of hers and pressed the knuckles briefly to her lips.

"It's okay now," she reassured him in that same gentle voice. "You're okay."

It wasn't until she touched him that Steve realised how violently he was shaking. Her touch was warm and steadied him slightly but he was unable to stop himself completely. Anxiety flooded through him as it sometimes did and he drew away from her, fear leading him to withdraw into himself. Erin followed him though, moving up to perch on the armrest she wrapped her arms around Steve's shoulders and stroked his hair soothingly. As his breathing became more laboured she hushed him and murmured comforting words.

"You're okay now. It's okay. They're safe now. I understand."

Soon he calmed down. Focusing on a single thought helped him regain control as it always did.

"How would you know? You've never lost anyone by seventy years or fought in a war that was Hell on Earth." He wasn't bitter or bratty about this. He was simply stating the obvious differences between situations.

"I have lost more people than a girl of my age should. What is Hell on Earth compared to the hellish depths of an isolated human mind? I'm not saying you've had it easy but just because it's not exactly the same doesn't mean I've not suffered to a similar degree as you." Erin explained, trying desperately not to turn it into a competition.

"Who have you known who's died?" Steve asked, hoping her stories would distract him from the gaping hole he felt inside.

"It's not about who's died, it's about who's walked away. People don't choose to die but they can choose to leave which is worse. The option to abandon you show's you're not good enough for them. In some ways that rejection can be worse than bereavement." She corrected him darkly.

"Why would anyone want to walk away from you?" Steve wondered aloud.

Erin laughed, a loud, harsh sound that was void of any real humour.

"You don't know me or what I've done." She pointed out, trying to keep the cruel edge out of her tone. She was meant to be comforting him after all.

"You can tell me you know. I won't judge you for it." Steve offered, looking up at her.

Erin retracted her arms from around him and looked away. "No thank you." She replied in that same civil tone.

The deer had trotted a few steps away.

Everyone has this idea that Captain America is meant to be this patient, perfect human being that's less over-powered than Superman but still an all-round great guy. They focus on the super, not the human. They forget that along with the enhancement of his reflexes and regeneration, all of his emotions were amplified too. That means that the tiny bit of him that retaliated to rejection (which before had been so small that he didn't even register it pre-serum) had grown into something slightly bigger that demanded to be felt. She was pushing him away again and he really disliked it. It wasn't fair, but neither is life. That didn't prevent him from calling it out though.

"Will you stop it?" He asked, letting the hurt betray his voice because he wasn't going to hide from her like some weak, scared kid from Brooklyn in the 1930s who had never even held a girl's hand before.

"Excuse me?" Erin bristled, getting up and turning to face him.

"You heard me, I said stop it." He replied, getting up also because it would be rude to sit while she stood.

"Stop _what_ exactly?" Erin folded her arms and her weight shifted onto her left leg once more.

"Stop pushing me away. I'm trying to be kind and reaching out to you but every time you just slap my hand away and it's not fair." He finally confronted her about it.

"I do it for a reason." Erin snapped as though that in itself was a good enough justification for her actions. She wished she'd just stayed on the sofa. Things weren't going to plan at all.

"And what reason is that?" He had the right to know. Even the best of us break after being pushed away so many times and sometimes we just need to know why.

"If I let you in I give you power over me. I will _not_ be screwed over by another man!" She raised her voice instinctively but he didn't flinch.

It seemed like all inhibitions between the pair had been removed. Erin had set something in to motion that allowed the two of them to finally speak their minds. Sadly, that left them with an explosion that would make things worse before they could get better. She didn't see it but Steve did and he was going to ride the shockwave in hope that the end result was worth it. He knew it would be.

"I'm not another man. I would never hurt you." Steve insisted but she wasn't having it.

"That's what they all say and it's too late for you! You already have." Erin growled. She grabbed her stuff and made an attempt for the door with full arms. Steve was quicker than her though and blocked her way.

"You're not going anywhere until you've explained yourself." Erin wasn't the only one who could put their foot down. This outburst startled Erin but not for long.

"You're not the boss of me." She snarled but she was still unable to get past.

"After all my attempts to reach out to you, after what you've just said, you owe me an explanation." Steve rightly pointed out. Her treatment of him just wasn't fair.

"Is it not obvious? Who's my father _Steve_? " Erin exploded, practically spitting out his name. "And who did he idolise? I hardly ever saw that man growing up and guess whose shadow I lived in during all that time we spent together? I can't tell you how many childhood parties and play dates I missed out on because that man popped up out of the blue and took me off to do something to do with _you_! I couldn't form a proper relationship with him, nor could I with people my own age because of how hectic he made my life! Did you know I didn't have a seventh birthday because of some freaking Captain America convention in Seattle? My aunt never remembered anything to do with me and my father never showed up! Children are petty Steve. I didn't go to their parties so they didn't come to mine! I spent most of the day alone! If it weren't for May I would have run away and God knows what would have happened to me then!"

In a rage Erin threw her things on the floor at his feet but it didn't bring the satisfaction she required. It was clear that there was a lot of harboured anger about her past, more than the captain had speculated. He opened his mouth, frantically searching for words of comfort but she wasn't finished.

"I could never date you after all the _shit_ I went through and even if I could, we would never work so get the stupid idea out of your head and let me out of here!" She raged.

"You can't know that for sure." Steve insisted. She wasn't giving him a chance. Plenty of people defied the odds. He had, so many times before.

"I'm not the right kind of girl for you." Erin stated angrily. She began to pace on the far side of the room.

"Not the right kind of girl." He echoed.

"I'm not the type of woman you need in your life right now, if you even need a woman at all." Erin gritted her teeth as she explained herself as simply as she could. The less words she said the better.

"How do you know that? You don't know what I need because you won't let yourself get close to me." Steve couldn't believe what he was hearing. It was one of the most absurd excuses he'd ever heard.

"You're one of my characters! Of course I know you! I know everything about you! What do you think these interviews are for? I don't get kicks out of hearing your lovesick tales about Peggy you know. You need a woman like her: strong and devoted, who will wait for you to come home every night and get on with it when you don't. That is not me so just let me out!" Erin yelled.

"You're wrong you know," Steve kept his cool, unlike Erin who was clearly freaking out. "You know who I was, not who I am now. My needs have changed just like my situation has changed."

"I can guarantee that I'm not it." Erin growled.

"You can't guarantee anything. You won't give me a shot." Steve shook his head.

"And I won't ever give you a shot! I will never ever give you anything so why won't you just let me go?" Erin shouted.

For the first time in his life Steve allowed himself to do something rash. He strode across the room and grabbed Erin by the waist. He almost chickened out but clearly there was no going back from this point so he just went for it. Leaning forwards he kissed Erin. A foolish move but surprisingly she didn't resist. In fact Erin felt something stir deep within her: a longing for romance that she had long since learned to repress.

"There is more between us than you'll allow yourself to admit. I know you feel it too." His breathing was laboured as he tried to regain self-control but the point still stood. He was right and she hated it.

"Lust! Primitive urges that drive the actions of men!" Erin laughed scornfully, dismissing what she felt.

"That's not it and you know it." Steve was getting cross now. This was just ridiculous.

"I'm not playing this game again." Erin shook her head, speaking more to himself than to him.

"This isn't a game." Steve frowned.

Erin shook her head again and took a step back.

"Thank you for your time Captain Rogers. I think we're done with the interview section of this process. I'll have Tony or Pepper get in touch." She extended her hand, lapsing into a professional manner.

Steve blinked, confused.

"So what, it ends just like this?" He didn't bother hiding the hurt. He'd tried so hard. Maybe it was for the best.

No, it wasn't.

"Yes, and you're going to let it happen." Erin stated firmly. She was regaining composure, sinking back behind her wall into the comfort of her shell.

"No I'm not." He shook his head. Things never just ended this way. It wasn't realistic.

"You just don't give up do you?" She smirked but her eyes conveyed something more. It was a look that could have been mistaken for pity but was in reality a sense of sadness. She didn't want to be having to do this ever again.

"Life's too short to give up." He admitted.

Finally he shook her hand and held onto it for a moment too long.

"For some." Erin said almost carelessly but she knew it would sting. She wanted it to. "Goodbye Captain."

"Miss Coulson," he sighed, sticking to the formal mode of address.

Erin walked around him, picked up her things off the floor in the most dignified manner she could and just left.

She just left.


	7. Part 1 Chapter 7

Erin was in a bad way. In fact, to those who knew her, it was safe to say she'd gone of her own version of the deep end. Anyone who bought denim shorts so tiny that you could practically see what they had for breakfast was clearly going through some sort of personal crisis. And Erin never, ever, wore crop tops. Never. Like, not once in her life even as some sort of fashion experiment. Nor had she ever before possessed or worn what could only be described as kinky, diamante-studded suede boots. There was a very simple reason for this drastic change: she had never tried to dress to impress the general masses before, so she'd never been given a reason to expose all that flesh.

The thing is, desperate times call for desperate measures (and hair crimpers).

For the first time in her life Erin had made the executive decision to venture out Saturday night rather than hole up in her apartment watching _Supernatural _reruns. At first it had been a terrifying idea and something that would probably end up being the worst decision of her life but Erin didn't know what else to do. Regret haunted her every waking moment. She wanted to go back to Steve and apologise but she was too proud to admit she'd gotten out of hand. Besides, being humbled had never aided her in the past. Why would it have an effect now?

She had tried very hard to get him out of her head. She wrote, went to the gym, read, watched TV, completed nearly half of the many post-it notes that infested her kitchen but it was no good. She couldn't push him from the back of her mind. He distracted her from everything she intended to do. Steve had succeeded in infiltrating her thoughts in a way that didn't involve her disliking him and that made her hate him even more.

To be fair, Steve wasn't faring too well either. To Tony's surprise it was the Captain who had been the first to reach out to him for assistance, telling him about the incident.

"I warned you." Tony hadn't even hesitated to point this out but once he'd had his fill of 'I-told-you-so's he did try and help Steve out. Part of Tony pitied the soldier. Rejection was never easy and Erin… she was something else. He tried talking to her on Steve's behalf but she kept ignoring his calls. Had it not been for her semi-regular tweets and video surveillance footage JARVIS had pulled up from around the city he might have had cause for concern. If Erin felt the need to work through it alone though then he wouldn't intervene. Besides, his hands were full balancing Steve and his own problems.

The other Avengers and Pepper thankfully helped him out. Bruce aided Steve's quest to catch up with the world's progression and every so often Clint and Natasha would show up and take him out for the evening. They were trying to recruit him full-time to S.H.I.E.L.D. with no avail. Steve felt emotionally compromised – he couldn't throw himself into missions this way. It would risk the life of his team. He wanted to avoid danger at all costs.

Erin was the opposite. At the clubs and bars she was flirting with every guys going. Being several years out of practice it took a while to worm her way back into the game but Erin was young and attractive enough. It wasn't long before she was getting free drinks anywhere up from three times a night.

Being a solo socialite involved a lot more trial and error as Erin found out. There were a variety of things that she turned into mini rules almost to make herself feel better about the entire experience. For example: getting on the tube alone at 1am was _not_ a good idea as it tended to induce severe paranoia, neither was splitting a cab with male strangers. Females were easier to trust but still shady; never be the first or last to get out of the cab. No one knows where she lives that way and Erin was not stuck with paying the entire fare. When choosing where to go to the night there were two real choices for Erin: either go to a new place where she wouldn't be recognised or haunt the same bar. She tended to do both, the first so she could experience new things and the second because she had begun to make friends with management which was always a good idea as sometimes guys got a bit much and in familiar places it was easy to get help. One of her number one rules was never to take _anything_ that had been left unattended or not given to her directly from the bar staff. God knows what people had done to it.

There may have been a lot of rules but it kept her safe and allowed her to have what she thought was fun. It was a long time before she got into a situation she couldn't handle.

His name was Mitch. Or at least that's what he told her. Erin suspected he was lying but then again, that may have been because she was judging him based on her own standards and she was definitely lying about her name. Her reasoning was that in a new place surrounded by potential stalkers, one could never be too careful and "Lizzie" was always one to play on the safe side.

Mitch was (apparently) a British farmer on holiday. His father owned a large farm and rented out the lake to fishermen which was how he was able to afford the trip. When Erin quizzed him on things like the farm location he wasn't wrong at all. She knew from the years spent there growing up and that enabled her to know that the accent he sported wasn't fake either. Unlike many other men he wasn't lying straight off the bat which made her relax and let her guard down. Her mistake.

"Don't you miss London?" He asked her, paying for both their drinks despite Erin's insistence that she could pay for her own.

"Not at all. At the end of the day, western cities are all more or less the same." Erin shook her head as they meandered through the gyrating throng towards an empty table in the back corner of whatever club they were in. Erin had followed a hen party here, not really paying attention to where she was headed as it was already close to midnight and she wasn't the most sober person in the place.

"Hush now, we both know you're telling porky pies!" Mitch nudged her playfully with an elbow. "The culture is so different here!"

"Lies! Name me three differences between New York and London then." Erin laughed, challenging him as she slid expertly into the chair that had its back to the wall.

"Okay, for starters, in London there aren't food venders flocking practically every single corner! Americans sure do love their hot dog stands where as we Brits will actually go and sit down inside to eat if we're hungry. How you all walk and eat without getting indigestion is beyond me." Mitch began, poking out his tongue playfully as Erin accepted his first answer. "Secondly, there's the monuments which define a city-"

"Nu uh, that doesn't count," Erin giggled over the pulsing music, leaning in so that he could hear her cities him. "If you removed all monuments from all cities they'd be the same!"

"Fine but you're wrong. London is way more residential. We have real houses and are spaced out, not stacked up in tiny boxes on top of one another like people here." Mitch rolled his eyes dramatically as he adapted to her rules.

"Don't disrespect apartments! Houses take so long to clean and not all of us are rich enough to employ cleaners." She winked.

"Not yet you're not," He winked back which caused Erin's heart to start racing inside her chest.

"One last difference." Erin smiled, ignoring all potential roads his last statement led to.

"Ah, yes. The most important difference: people actually acknowledge each other on the tube." He grinned triumphantly.

"Not always." Erin stuck her tongue out at him.

"Maybe but it's way more than in England. Does that mean I win?" He asked, wriggling his eyebrows impressively.

"Maybe," Erin smiled.

Threading her fingers together, she looked Mitch up and down. He was certainly handsome if you were into pale guys with blonde hair and big muscles. He had misty green eyes and teeth that had definitely been clinically whitened. There was a male-model vibe to him that Erin couldn't miss. He was very pleasant to look out but he'd put a little too much cologne on. Erin stopped thinking about that though as he took her hand across the table and held it to his lips.

"Tell me why you left London and if there's any way I can persuade you to come back there with me." He demanded in such a way that Erin couldn't protest. He seemed so genuine and interested in her. It had been so long since someone was like that.

Steve hadn't left the gym since 7am. It was now nearing midnight but he wasn't tired. He was a super soldier, infused with special serum that magnified everything to the point where it was unbearable. He could punch the same bag all day, take only a handful of breaks to fuel and empty his body and he would be just fine. The anger was still present though. It was nothing compared to the rage repressed in Bruce but it was still significant to him. He hated himself for getting into this situation. He was angry at God that things had to get worse before they could get better. He wished that he didn't feel that way but he was struggling to reverse the process. In the end he just embraced it and began the long process of punching inanimate objects to try and rid himself of the negativity that consumed him.

"Jeez Cap', I hope that's not me you're punching." Natasha folded her arms as she walked across the floor to stand in his line of sight.

"Don't be ridiculous." Steve panted, not pausing in his activity.

"Heartbreak that bad?" She raised an eyebrow.

Steve didn't say anything.

"You need to give that a rest. Clint's outside in a cab. We need you to put these on." She threw a drawstring bag at his feet.

Steve stopped and finally looked at Natasha. She was in all black as always but it was a nice outfit, suitable for blending in with the general public. Steve sighed and picked up the bag. There was no point in arguing. He never won anyway.

Erin wasn't sure exactly how much she'd had to drink. All she knew is that Mitch was a great guy. He kept buying her drinks, they'd arranged to go to the movies the next day. They had so much to talk about and the conversation never lulled or got awkward. She was literally buzzing, though her head throbbed in the background. Part of her figured that it would probably be for the best if she stopped drinking but Erin was confident she could handle a couple more drinks. She'd never been a lightweight after all (something her aunt claimed Erin had inherited from her though how exactly that worked was beyond them both).

"So I was thinking about making a move from here," Mitch said finally, yawning a little to emphasise his point. "It's 1am."

"Oh really?" Erin took her phone from her shorts pocket and blinked a couple of times before the hour came into focus. He was right, it was. They had only really been talking for about an hour but it felt like forever. They had covered so much and Erin felt like she really knew Mitch now. It was so weird.

"Are you going to stay…?" He asked hesitantly, squeezing her hand slightly. He had been holding it pretty much all evening. His hands were warm and a little bit sticky with sweat but Erin didn't mind. She'd held worse.

"No," Erin shook her head and giggled a little as the world swished before her. "I ought to go too. Work tomorrow and all." She lied through the most beautiful smile. Or at least she thought she did. The perception of drunk people is very different to that of the rest of the world. She didn't remember that though, or that she ought to put her phone in her bag. Instead she slipped it into her pocket and grabbed her things with one hand.

"Okay, let's go." Mitch grinned and he helped her up.

They were able to walk to the door with relative ease this time. Many of the people had filtered out of the club as time passed, heading off to new places or trailing back home to their beds. Bed seemed like such a good idea to Erin, who became tired the instant she got to her feet. Once they walked outside and were blasted with cold air she changed her mind however. She felt so alert but oddly sedated at the same time. It was weird and she felt too exposed. Where was a blanket when she needed it? The skimpy denim jacket around her tiny frame wasn't going to protect her from the outside world.

"Hey, you remember that friend I was telling you about?" Mitch asked, shoving his hands in his pockets as they began to stroll down the sidewalk.

"The one you're staying with?" Erin asked, just to clarify. He'd spoken about a few friends that night. It was embarrassing because he actually had friends. She'd managed to avoid questions related to that area of her life. Too many lies and she wouldn't have been able to keep up the façade that she was in fact a tolerable person.

"Yeah," Mitch nodded, turning a corner to a quieter street. Still people but less cars and more spaced out lights.

"I remember." Erin spoke up after he was quiet for a few moments.

"Well he said it was cool if you came back with me. You know, if you wanted to." Mitch offered.

He slipped a hand out of his pocket and grabbed hers again. A shiver ran through Erin as she thought it over. The thing was, she knew her answer before she even considered it.

"No, I'm sorry. We'll see each other tomorrow anyway." She smiled apologetically.

She wasn't that girl.

"That's a shame. I know living by yourself gets lonely sometimes so I thought you might like waking up to some company," He shrugged. "My friend thinks you're really pretty by the way." He added casually.

"Wait, what?" Erin wasn't sure if she heard him right. How did he know? He apparently hadn't even gone out that night.

"I told him your name. I hope you don't mind; he looked you up on Facebook." Mitch explained quickly.

"Oh," Erin relaxed a little but her heart was still racing, just in a much different way to earlier.

"Like I said, he thinks you're really pretty. So do I." His voice slowed down and he stopped in the middle of the sidewalk.

Pushing Erin backwards, he pinned her between himself and the wall, bowing his head to kiss her forehead. She felt uncomfortable and lightly pushed but he wasn't about to move that easy.

"Won't you come home with me? You could meet him." Mitch breathed in her ear, nuzzling her neck with his nose.

And suddenly super nice Mitch had turned into a dirt bag.

Erin was gutted. Her eyes shut and she sighed as his hands wrapped around her waist. She had really wanted there to be one decent guy out there. In reality she knew there were many and that they probably didn't go to clubs or whatever but she was still disappointed. It had been such a good night. Why did he have to spoil it?

"Yeah," She nodded. "I'd love to meet him."

"Really?" Mitch pulled back and looked into her eyes, seemingly disbelieving of what he heard. Bad sign.

"Oh yeah," Erin nodded, smiling as he relaxed.

"Great, I'll-"

He never got to finish his sentence. In one lightning fast movement Erin jerked her knee up and smashed it into his crotch, causing him to howl and double over. Before the bastard could blink she jabbed him in the throat, sending him staggering backwards and into a parked car that began to wail at the disruption.

Not daring to hang around for a second longer, Erin bolted down the street, idiotically in the direction they had been walking in. She thought it would be easy to find a place to loop around back to a main road but either she was more drunk that she thought or something was seriously up. The houses were transforming into warehouses, large looming buildings with high up, smashed windows. Erin was so confused and terrified. There was no way she could turn back. What if Mitch and his friend were waiting for her? What if they'd called the police? She couldn't spend the night in jail. She just couldn't. Who would she call? Who would bail her out? She certainly didn't have a powerful father to do that anymore.

She had been so stupid and now was in a terrible mess. There was no one else around so Erin decided it was safe to stop and call for help. The only issue was: who would she call?


	8. Part 1 Chapter 8

**Warning: Foul language**

"Pick up. Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, _pick up_." Erin begged, pacing under a lamp post.

She felt safer in the pool of light. She was totally alone in the dark which freaked her out more than the distant yet audible wailings of the Emergency Services' sirens. She could fight off people but not many at a time and any number of ghosts or monsters could have made their lairs in the derelict buildings surrounding her. She was in so much trouble and it was all completely her fault.

"Hello?" The voice of Tony Stark in her ear made Erin want to cry with joy.

"Oh thank god. Tony-" Erin began but the next words she heard made her blood run cold.

"Haha, got you. This is actually my voicemail."

Erin wanted to scream and cry and smash her phone on the floor but now was not the time to, not to mention she couldn't part with her only life line in the dark and the cold. She was pretty sure her bag had slipped off her shoulder when she started running from that Mitch guy because it wasn't on her now. That had been everything she had so now she was left without cash, ID, keys or access to warmer clothes. What use was a skimpy denim jacket and a reasonable well-charged phone in her current situation? Not that great considering no one was picking up.

Not one to give up so easily, Erin scrolled through to her next contact.

"You better be dying." Was her landlord's first words when he finally picked up.

"I'm sorry John, I wouldn't call if it's an emergency." Erin apologised sincerely.

"What's the emergency then?" Her landlord growled.

"I'm lost and I lost my bag." Erin tried to keep it simple. He hated it when she went on and on.

"Call the police then. Not my problem." Was his answer and then he hung up.

"Damnit!" Erin cursed.

She closed her eyes and took a moment to recompose herself. She opened them again and saw a little cloud of mist blossom in front of her. It was freezing. No time to dwell on that though. She couldn't call the police. They'd call her stupid and would act just her landlord, claiming it wasn't there problem. People in power (or just in general for that matter) could be very choosy about who they helped and how effectively they did so. With other murders, arson and brawls occurring in the city, who would want to help her out?

Steve would.

He wasn't even an option though. She'd been horrible to him when in all fairness he didn't deserve it. There had to be someone else. Surely she had to know someone else. Erin ran through the list of options in her head:

Jane was in Asgard with Thor and so was certainly unavailable to take her call, let alone help Erin out.  
Pepper, like Tony, wasn't picking up her phone and office hours had ended ages ago, meaning there was no way to get through to her either.  
Bruce was off on S.H.I.E.L.D. business, or so she assumed from Tony's tweets claiming boredom without his new lab partner. He could be back though. It was entirely plausible.

Erin dialled Bruce's number but it went straight to the recorded message.

"Don't let it get the best of you." Erin whispered encouragingly to herself.

There had to be someone else.

Clint or Natasha would have been the perfect people to call but the one time she'd met them the pair hadn't exactly been friendly and she didn't have their numbers. That left her ex co-worker Stacy, Domino's Pizza Delivery and Steve Rogers in her phone contact list.

She was doomed.

Stacy, contrary to how she sounded, was an incredibly posh, very well educated concert pianist who only worked in Starbucks because she wanted to remain grounded. She wasn't the friendliest of people but Erin thought it was worth a shot.

Stacy didn't pick up.

"Okay, maybe I can do this myself." Erin nodded, trying to grasp at confidence she didn't have.

Determinedly, she turned around to begin walking the way she thought she came when she saw a large group of drunk men stagger around the corner. They spotted her and jeered before lurching in her direction. She was so screwed. Doing a one-eighty, Erin turned and hastened off in the opposite direction to the men, calling her last available contact as she did so.

"Erin?" he picked up on the second ring. Of course he did. For a moment Erin almost let herself get distracted by wondering how his voice could simultaneously convey relief and concern but the cat-calls of the drunks tailing her quickly set everything back into perspective.

"Hey Steve," Erin's voice sounded incredibly strained but it was the best she could do. She shouldn't have called. She just shouldn't have but Erin was selfish and she was scared. That justified her in her own mind.

"What's wrong?" He sounded so worried. He shouldn't have been. She had been a bitch to him from the moment they met. He was worried though which surprised her. It wasn't as surprising as his instant recognition that she was in trouble however. She hadn't said more than two words to him and he just knew. In any other circumstance it would have shocked her, maybe thrown her off a little bit but now it just made her feel even more guilty.

"Nothing," she lied, adopting a voice which she thought would be the most convincing. "I panicked. I shouldn't have disturbed you so late at night. My apologies."

She hung up before he could get in another word. She could do this. She could save herself from this situation. Men are never the heroes as often as you'd think anyway.

Her phone buzzed in her hand and Erin answered immediately, praying it was Tony.

"Erin, Natasha and I are already in the cab so it would make everyone's life a whole lot easier if you just told us where we need to find you." Steve told her firmly.

Erin was amazed to find herself unhappy at the mention of the female spy. She had no problem with Natasha whatsoever but the idea that she had been with Steve at 1am turned Erin slightly bitter.

"You're with Natasha?" Erin indulged in a small frown.

"And Clint. He stayed at the bar, just in case. That doesn't matter though. What matters now is that you tell me where you are and what happened." Steve put her back on track.

"That's why I called. I'm lost. I have no idea where I am. My phone doesn't get internet and I've lost my bag." Erin hated being the damsel in distress but the idea that Steve was out there, waiting to rescue her was eerily calming. She knew there was no need to babble because he'd listen to her every word. He allowed her to talk slowly, calmly; just like the adult she never could quite be.

"That's okay. Natasha can have Clint track you while we're on our way. Now tell me what happened." He kept talking in a steady voice, the concern still there but obscured beneath his direct questions. It wasn't time to play about anymore.

For a moment Erin considered refusing. She didn't want him to judge her based on the night's events but then she realised that he had already judged her based on the atomic fall out the last time they were at his apartment. As much as she hated it, Erin needed him and he wouldn't help unless she was honest so the best she could do would be to suck it up and pray she could find a way to settle the debt she would owe him when this was all over.

"I was at this club and there was a guy. He was nice but as we left he wasn't. He tried to make me go home with him to meet some guy friend so I punched him, ran and lost my bag. Now I'm in some sort of warehouse district without anything but my phone which was in my pocket. Tony and Pepper aren't answering their phones, my landlord told me to call the police and there are a group of guys following me. They seem pretty wasted." Erin tried very hard not to rush with her words but she was terrified. The men sounded closer than before.

"Got her," Natasha's voice was clear in the background of the call. "Tell her to find more people."

"Can you get to an area where there are more people?" Steve asked.

"I don't know which way to go." Erin replied, coughing a little to return her voice to normal. It was getting dangerously whiney.

"That's fine. We'll tell you, just don't turn around, okay?" Steve reassured her.

"Okay." Erin echoed, speeding up slightly.

"Natasha says you need to stay on the phone so we can keep track of you." Steve added.

She hadn't heard Natasha say anything but Erin confirmed that it wouldn't be an issue unless she suddenly lost signal. Clearly there was some other reason they wanted her on the phone. She knew enough about technology to know that even rookies were able to track her inactive phone if they wished.

"Erin, are you there?" Steve pulled her focus back with the sound of his strong voice.

"Yes." She replied, nodding though he couldn't see her.

"Good. There's a crossroads coming up ahead of you. Turn right and cross the road." He directed her.

"Right then cross." Erin repeated the instructions.

"Exactly. When you cross the road have a quick look behind you and see if those men are still following." He ordered.

"Okay," Erin took a deep breath as she did just that. "They're closer than before." She reported.

"Did you see how many there were? Don't look again if you can help it." He added hastily. She'd fare better if she kept all contact to a minimum.

"Five, maybe six. How soon will you be here?" Erin was beginning to panic a little. The heels on her boots were starting to hurt her feet and she was so cold. It served her right though for putting on the ridiculous outfit in the first place.

Steve looked to Natasha who waited for Clint's response on the other end of her phone.

"Five minutes. Keep walking straight." Natasha replied.

"Five minutes. Just keeping moving forward." Steve relayed to Erin.

"Hey sugar-tits! Slow down!" A gruff male voice hollered from behind Erin, loud enough for Steve and Natasha to hear.

"Make that two." Natasha corrected, snapping her phone shut.

At her threatening look the cab driver sped up, following her orders. Steve's face contorted and his hands curled into fists as he listened to the vulgar things those men were shouting at Erin. He kept her talking, asking detailed questions about her surroundings but it was hard to keep control. It wasn't often he got truly angry but now was one of those times. Until they found her he wouldn't be able to help her. His eyes scanned the sidewalk flashing past the window searching for her.

"That's her!" He cried out suddenly, spotting a denim clad figure only several feet in front of a faceless mob of men. Erin's violet hair was unmissable in the glow of the taxi headlines.

The cab screeched to a halt and Steve leapt out of it before the vehicle was completely stationary. Erin shrieked momentarily as his arms wrapped around her small and trembling frame but soon she was hugging him back, sobbing into the front of his jacket. For the first time she fully relaxed around him, relief flooding through her because he was there which meant she was safe. She was finally safe.

"I made a mistake." She told him, clinging on tightly.

"It doesn't matter, you're safe now." He stroked her hair reassuringly. "Let's get you home."

"Oit! Back off! That one's ours!" One of the men stepped forward, cracking his knuckles as he yelled at Steve's back.

"Yeah, paws off!" Another snarled, stepping just diagonally behind the ringleader.

"_Paws_?" Natasha echoed, clearly unimpressed as she joined the Captain and Erin who had frozen.

"Erin, go get in the cab." Steve murmured in her ear. The anger he felt was bubbling just beneath the surface and if things got ugly, he really didn't want her to see it.

Erin nodded mutely and released her hold on him. She was ashamed to admit how terrified she was at letting go of him. Her sudden dependence made her weak and foolish but she couldn't help herself. The warmth of his hands on her arms made her feel safer than she'd felt in a long time. It was so confusing and Erin felt torn inside. Her feelings were not something to dwell upon at that moment however. Not with a fight brewing fifty yards away.

"I said leave that whore alone! She's ours!" The large ringleader advanced towards them but Steve met him half way, ensuring he didn't get too close to Erin as she slid into the cab.

"I suggest you apologise to her, _now_." Steve kept his voice low and even. There was a threatening ring to it that passed completely over the head of the thug standing before him.

"What? Are you gonna make me pretty boy?" He began to square up to Steve, assessing him openly and foolishly deciding he could take the clearly superior specimen of man.

"I shouldn't have to." Steve was trying very hard to keep his cool. He had never been one for unnecessary violence but sometimes it was difficult to stay out of these situations. He knew that from long before he'd become a soldier.

"Whatever," The man shrugged, clearly not fully understanding what was being said to him. "We have dibs on that whore so just get yourself another. There are plenty about."

"She's not a prostitute and she doesn't belong to anyone." The Captain insisted.

"Now listen here, that fine piece of tail is ours and-"

_**WHAM!**_

Steve lunged forward, grabbed the alcohol-soaked man by the scruff of his shirt and slammed his fist into the bastard's face. He shoved the ringleader up against the wall and pinned him there with one hand by his neck. The large man struggled but Steve wasn't remotely inclined to loosen his grip. The drunk yelled for his friends but they stood dumbstruck, just staring at the scene unfolding before them.

"Apologise." Steve ordered.

"For what? I ain't done nothing wrong." The foul man yelped, still squirming like the maggot he was.

"You know exactly what for so apologise!" Steve raised his voice ever so slightly.

"And if I don't?" It was irritating more than anything as the ringleader tried to regain some control over the situation. Still, it was clear he wouldn't cooperate without a little incentive.

_Crack!_ With a swift movement Steve broke his nose. A fountain of blood spurted from the centre of the thug's face but Steve didn't flinch. He'd done worse although he wished that he hadn't had to. The thing was, he didn't feel comfortable leaving Erin alone in the back of the cab so he took the necessary steps to speed the process up.

The man screamed out more in shock than pain. Steve released him and he staggered towards his friends, obviously seeking back up. He stopped and plummeted to his knees as he saw them all groaning on the floor, Natasha gazing over them in her usual stoic manner. Clearly he had given up.

"Okay, okay! I'm sorry," He apologised hastily, clutching at his nose.

"Good." Steve's voice rung with authority as he ended the whole ordeal in a single word.

Without so much as a look at one another, Steve and Natasha returned to the cab and slid into the seats either side of Erin, who sat huddled in a small bundle.

"Clint wants to know where to meet us." Natasha said as she flipped her phone open again.

"Erin, where do you live?" Steve asked softly as he shut the door.

Erin didn't speak or make a single noise. She just stared into the foot well before her, the gentle rise and fall of her shoulders the only sign to the outside world that she was alive.

"It's fine, she's just in shock." Natasha said casually, noting the concern on Steve's face.

"Well where do we go? We can't exactly take her to the bar and I have no clue as to where she lives." Steve frowned.

"We could always find out." Natasha offered.

"Do you really think we should leave her alone tonight?" Steve felt guilty for saying it but he wanted to stay with her and at her apartment… well he knew where everything was in his own house.

"No, you're right. I'll tell Clint." Natasha gave a small smile and dialled her partner.

Hesitantly, Steve wrapped a purely protective arm around Erin's waist. At first she flinched but as they got further and further away from the warehouse district Erin began to relax more and more until she was snuggled into his side. Involuntarily she fell asleep against him, her messy purple hair shielding her eyes. Gently Steve brushed it behind her ear with his fingertips, wanting to see her blissfully calm face. He'd never seen her so relaxed and it was certainly a sight to behold.

Thankfully Natasha ignored him – or at least pretended to – so he could keep a watchful eye on the curious girl beside him. He was so glad Erin had called him. He would have expected her to try and go it alone in all honesty which would only have ended badly. She may hate being the damsel in distress but it didn't matter. He knew that no matter how big their fights were in the future, no matter how much they hurt each other with their words, he would always go to her when she called. He felt something so strong, pulling him towards her with an unstoppable force. Steve Rogers was a good man and at that moment he was a happy one because he had helped her. He would do anything to make her happy too.

"We're here." Natasha announced, snapping Steve out of his thoughts.

"Should I wake her?" Steve asked uncertainly, not wanting to move immediately in case he disturbed Erin.

"Carry her and if she wakes put her down." Natasha decided, getting out of the cab. She wasn't really in the mood to wait around. Having no opinion particularly of the girl in the back seat, she wasn't bothered about Steve's dilemma. Natasha just wanted to find Clint again.

Steve nodded even though the redhead was already gone and passed some money to the expectant cab driver. Gently he scooted out of the backseat taking Erin with him. He carried her bridal-style up to the stone steps to the front door of the apartment block, thanking Clint as he removed the keys from the Captain's pockets and let them all inside.

They took the creaky elevator up to the fourth floor rather than taking the stairs that Erin always favoured when she was awake. Luckily it was working that night and didn't seem like it was about to doom them to a horrible, messy death so in less than five minutes Erin was in one of Steve's white shirts, tucked up in his bed.

"What will you do in the morning?" Natasha asked as she re-joined the men hovering by the open front door.

"I honestly don't know yet. Hopefully not wake the neighbours with another argument." Steve sighed. He hadn't thought this far ahead which was unusual for him. Getting Erin to safety had been the priority, meaning that he hadn't really thought through the potential consequences of his actions. He ran a hand through his hair and held the back of his neck as he sighed.

Natasha nodded, having lost interest in the subject already. With quiet goodbyes she and Clint left. There was no need for them to stay after all.

Unsure of what to do next, Steve wandered into the kitchen and made himself a cup of coffee. Several times he looked out into the hallway, wondering whether he could sneak into his room and grab some pyjamas from the dresser without waking Erin. He couldn't exactly sleep on the sofa in his boxers with a lady in the house so in the end he decided to go for it.

Carefully Steve eased the bedroom door open just wide enough to slip inside. He stepped lightly across the floor and opened the drawer with ease. It was difficult to see but he pulled out a pair of blue plaid pyjama bottoms and a white tank top which would suffice for one night.

"I can leave." A small voice offered from the bed.

Steve jumped a little and turned to face the source. Erin was sat up and staring at him, cross-legged like an overgrown child. She looked oddly alert but Steve put that down to her still being drunk.

"Did I wake you?" Steve ignored her offer as he closed the drawer.

"No. Do you want me to go? I don't mind. I shouldn't even be here." Erin offered, scooting towards the edge of the bed.

"I don't want you to go. Please lay down and go back to sleep?" He asked her nicely, hoping that in her current state she'd be more compliant than usual.

"I made a mistake." She repeated that first thing she'd said when he found her.

"We all make mistakes." Steve consoled her, standing there awkwardly.

"You don't understand. I really messed up. I should have apologised a lot sooner but I was too proud. I'm sorry." Erin replied earnestly. She looked at Steve with wide eyes, willing him to believe her.

"You don't need to apologise. I started it. I was the one who crossed the line." Steve sighed. He really didn't want to get into this now.

"I overreacted. I've overreacted since I met you. I blame you for things that weren't your fault and I'm sorry." Erin shook her head. She had no right to pretend she was above this anymore. She owed Steve the truth, even if she didn't want to admit any of this.

"You may not think it but I understand." Steve told her honestly. He sat on the edge of the bed before her, looking at her through the shadows.

"When we wake up I'll start making it up to you. You've done so much for me tonight. I'm in your debt." She hated to admit it but Erin would do the right thing in this situation, even if it was so she didn't owe him anything anymore. Debts were one of those things Erin despised.

"You don't have to." Steve told her, shaking his head.

Erin opened her mouth to reply but Steve couldn't deal with it anymore.

"Erin, you're still drunk and you've had a terrible shock this evening. We'll talk about this when you wake up, okay?"

"Okay," Erin bowed her head and stared at her hands in her lap.

Steve stood up and stretched as Erin shuffled about and laid back down.

"Could you leave the door open please?" She asked quietly, keeping her eyes fixed on him as he shuffled away.

"Of course," Steve nodded.

"Thank you." Erin murmured.

As he left she closed her eyes. She was concerned about how much she would remember in the morning. Erin didn't think that she was too drunk but brains were funny things and sleep tended to remove important things from the forefront of her mind. She was going to try and be so much nicer to Steve when she woke. She owed him more than she cared to admit and it was time to stop acting like a whiney brat and be the adult she was.

The thing is, growing up is difficult and changing takes time. Steve was a patient man though. Hopefully he'd help her reach a place where she might actually like him. That was a distant future though.

Time to sleep.


	9. Part 1 Chapter 9

As she always did when she awoke, Erin emitted an absurd little squeal (that others claimed sounded a lot like a baby dinosaur) as she stretched and arched her back. Instinctively she rolled over onto her stomach, or at least she would have if she'd been at home in her own bed. She wasn't in her luxurious king-size pillow palace but a standard single that was comfortable enough but rolling meant that she hit the floor hard.

"Oh shit." Erin groaned as she sat up and surveyed the room.

The cream and beige Spartan décor of the room was enough to bring the memories of that morning's earliest hours rushing back to her.

"Are you okay?" Steve burst into the room without knocking. To be fair, it was his apartment.

Erin looked at the concerned look on his face and his wild bed hair, then down at herself and the baggy white shirt she wore. She couldn't help herself.

She laughed.

She laughed at Steve's blue plaid pyjama bottoms and his bare feet. She laughed at herself for having fallen out of bed. She laughed because once again she had messed up big time and gotten herself into one of the most awkward and stupid situations she could have possibly ended up in. Erin laughed because she was scared and didn't know what else to do.

Steve thought she'd lost her mind.

"I'm fine, just thought there was going to be more bed." She shook her head at her own foolishness and stood up quickly before Steve could offer her a hand. Silently she prayed that her face didn't give away the embarrassment she was bottling up inside of her.

"I'm sorry." Steve instantly apologised, mostly because he wasn't really sure what else he could say.

"Don't be. It's not your fault. It's mine for getting into this mess anyway. I'm the one who's sorry. I shouldn't have gotten into that situation at all last night or at least I shouldn't have called." Erin shook her head. She was trying to be a big girl but admitting she had been wrong. It was tough but genuine which surprised Steve.

"I'm glad you did. Call I mean. I'm glad you called," He messed up his words in that cute tongue-tied way boys do in the movies which made Erin smile briefly. "I don't want to imagine what would have happened if you hadn't have called."

Erin shuddered and held her arms in front of her. She didn't want to imagine either but she didn't have to think hard to know that it would have been gruesome.

"Well I need to go to the Police and then the Bank if no one's handed in my bag but the second I can I'll come back and pay you for the cab. Do you remember home much the fare was?" She began to gather her thoughts together out loud and directed them straight to Steve. There was no time to waste really. She needed to get home so she could pull herself together and think about her next move.

"You don't owe me any money Erin." Steve refused calmly.

"Don't be ridiculous," Erin wasn't harsh with her words but she meant them. "I have to pay you."

"Trust me Erin. You don't owe me a thing." Steve denied her with that same level of calmness. He'd had all night to think about it and prepare for this moment.

"Yes I do," Erin insisted. She could feel herself getting agitated so she closed her eyes and counted to ten before resuming. "It's only fair."

"Erin, I'm not taking any money off of you." Steve repeated firmly.

"You don't understand. I owe you so much more than just the money. Please let me start off by paying the fare." Erin was ashamedly a step away from begging which wasn't good. Rather she begged than shouted though if she was meant to be turning over a new leaf.

Steve observed how upset and frustrated Erin was getting and had to think quickly. There was definitely a compromise to be made but he wasn't sure how Erin would react to such a proposal. It was worth a shot he decided. Erin appeared to be in a more agreeable mood.

"How about this? I'll let you pay half of the cab fare seeing as you really want to pay it. Then, anything else you believe you owe me will be condensed into one evening outing with me. Just let me take you out and we can forget that this whole ordeal even happened if that's what you want." Steve proposed. It sounded reasonable enough in his head but that didn't mean Erin would go for it.

Erin sank onto the edge of the bed and clasper her hands in front of her mouth. She was thinking about it, which Steve took to be a good sign as before she'd never hesitated to say no.

"When? Where?" Erin's voice was very controlled. Too controlled. Steve worried that it might be a bad idea but he didn't want to back down. All he wanted was one chance to change her mind.

"Bruce is back from Austria this morning. Tony and Pepper were going to accompany us out tonight dancing." Steve thought on his feet. He'd heard about a place he wanted to go that night but he'd not made any concrete plans. The others would be up for it though if he asked them. He was sure of it.

Erin remained silent for a few moments longer before standing up and looking directly into Steve's eyes. In any normal situation she would want to see the man asking her out squirm under her direct gaze. Steve didn't squirm because this wasn't a normal situation. He was certain this was what he wanted so she nodded. At least he knew what he was getting into.

"What time should I be ready for?" Erin asked politely, wishing she didn't look like a mess now that she'd finally accepted a date.

"I'll pick you up at seven." The Captain beamed. It'd been so long since he felt that happy to set a date. It was good to know this would be one he wouldn't miss.

Tony and Pepper arrived with Bruce in two as Erin finished washing the dishes. Steve had cooked them both a full English breakfast which had been too delicious and now Erin felt slightly bloated. Because Steve had already cooked Erin insisted on washing up so she remained in the kitchen whilst he got dressed. It was only fair and he actually let her do it without argument. It felt nice and gave Erin the feeling that she might be able to look past the past and actually get on with the man.

"I'm so sorry we didn't pick up last night!" Pepper apologised, giving Erin a one-armed hug while the girl still had soapy hands. "Natasha called this morning and told us everything!"

"How you holding up kiddo?" Tony grimaced and clapped Erin on the arm as she dried her hands with a tea towel. He looked so tired behind his sunglasses which still covered his eyes even though they were indoors. Erin could tell that he felt incredibly guilty for not being there for her the previous night so she smiled comfortingly at him.

"It's fine. I'm fine." She replied somewhat awkwardly. That may have been because she still didn't have anything covering her bottom half but her underwear though.

"I stopped at the store and bought you some things to wear until we get you home." Pepper indicated the _Macy's_ bag nestled into the crook of her arm.

"Oh you shouldn't have," Erin blushed. She hadn't even thought about what she would wear that day. She didn't even know where her clothes from the previous night were.

"The bathroom's through the door in my room. I laid out a towel on the bed if you want to go freshen up. I have it from here." Steve told Erin as he sidled past her to the sink. The urge to kiss her head and wrap his arm around her waist was immense but in that moment Steve Rogers was the epitome of self-control.

"Thanks," Erin mumbled. She ducked her head and grabbed Pepper's arm, steering the red-head with her out of the suddenly packed room.

"Tell me everything. I want to know now; spare no detail." Tony grabbed a chair and sat on it backwards so his legs were straddling the backboard. He rested one arm across the top of the backrest and propped his other elbow on it so his cheek could rest against his hand. Tony stared expectantly at Steve who remained silent as he began to dry and put away the dishes Erin had expertly cleaned.

"Usually I'm one for personal privacy and all that but in this case I fully support Tony's demands for a rundown of what happened." Banner piped up from where he was learning against the wall under the ticking clock.

"Natasha already told you. We were at the bar, Erin called and we went to get her. What more is there to tell?" Steve told them cagily. He felt a little attacked to be honest. It was a personal for some unidentifiable reason to him but it was also nothing to be ashamed about.

"The bit after Clint and Natasha left maybe?" Tony suggested in answer to Steve's question. He seemed very eager to hear what Steve had to say but it was slightly different from usual. He wasn't fully his usual playboy self.

"I went in to get my pyjamas, we spoke briefly then I went and slept on the couch." Steve summarised because he knew his friends wouldn't let it go until he told them.

"What did you talk about?" Bruce asked not in a nosey way but in a tone that made his curiosity seem less invasive than it truly was.

"Mistakes." Steve answered simply, picking up another dish and drying it so he didn't have to look either of the men in the eye.

"What about them?" Tony raised an eyebrow.

Clearly they weren't going to leave the topic alone until he'd told them all the details so Steve put down the towel and closed the cupboard doors before directing his full attention to his friends.

"Erin said she'd made a mistake by overreacting after the interview. She apologised. That was it." He kept his cool but Steve didn't understand why he had to. His friends were only taking an interest in his life. There was no reason for him to feel this agitated but he did.

"How was she this morning?" Again Tony was curious but not in his usual way. It was like he was asking Steve about the status of a bomb that probably wouldn't explode but was being carefully monitored all the same.

"She was fine. I mean, she fell out of bed and we had a disagreement but otherwise it's been plain sailing." Steve felt a little uncomfortable referencing Erin in that way. It was like they were talking about a small, naughty child or a pet. They weren't treating her like the adult she was and he felt guilty for it.

Seeing the look on his friends' faces Steve sighed. They'd reached a point in the conversation where the other men didn't even need to ask anymore.

"She feels like she's in my debt. We disagreed about her having to pay the cab fare. In the end we reached a compromise." He elaborated

"What kind of compromise?" Banner seemed unusually interested but that went straight over Steve's head.

"Actually, the kind that requires your help." Steve admitted.

Erin was pretty sure the hot water washing over her had transported her straight to Heaven. As the sweat and grimed spiralled down the plug she felt the overbearing anxiety she had been bottling up inside flush away. That night she would settle a debt and the scales would rebalance themselves/ Tony and Pepper had arrived so recovering from the previous night's events would be much easier with their corporate power to support her. Life could be so much worse and she was immensely thankful for what she had.

As she towel-dried herself off Erin took a sneak peak around the Captain's bathroom. She wasn't sure what she was expecting to find. Skin care products and electric razors were after Steve's time so it made sense that he didn't have those. It also made sense that the medicine cabinet was rather sparse as one of the benefits of being a super soldier was that you don't tend to get sick. It occurred to Erin as she slipped into fresh underwear that there was a reason Steve's house lacked character: it was harder to judge a book by its cover if the cover was blank. Then Erin realised that it was a stupid idea. Steve came from a time when money was scarce and he'd never had the time or home to decorate. Putting on her pants, Erin considered why she'd never become an English teacher. With tenuous interpretations like that she'd be perfect for the job.

"How you doing in there?"

Erin jumped as someone knocked on the door. She'd been completely alone with her thoughts as Pepper had returned to the kitchen when she got into the shower.

"What the hell Tony?" Erin called back as she wriggled into her shirt.

"Everyone thought you'd _died_ in there so I came to see if you'd drowned or fallen down the drain or something. Steve wanted to do it but I figured you might want a friend right now." He sounded playful but again Erin recognised something else in his tone.

Opening the door, she didn't directly meet Tony's gaze but instead watched him in the mirror reflection as she resumed towel drying her wet hair. Shoving his hands in his pockets, Tony leaned against the door frame and crossed his ankles.

"Steve told me everything. Your deal – the date – you don't have to do it if you don't want to. We can find another way." Tony was very serious which slightly disturbed Erin. Tony was not a serious guy unless he had to be.

"I know," Erin nodded to acknowledge that there were other routes she could have taken. "But I owe him Tony. I'll go on the date as it kills two birds with one stone."

"Oh, is that so?" Tony asked apprehensively. He didn't like the sound of where Erin was headed even though she'd said those words specifically to put him at ease.

"I pay my debt and he stops persisting with his requests for a date. If I go out with him once and don't want to do it again he can't really argue with me because I tried and gave him a chance." Erin explained.

Tony relaxed a little. She could have said a lot worse. He knew she was being honest. They may not have been the closest of friends but in the relatively short time they'd known one another they had made an unspoken agreement never to lie.

"Okay, well if this is what you want then do it. Just don't hurt him." Tony frowned. She wasn't the only one he felt the need to protect.

Wide-eyed, Erin turned to face Tony properly.

"I wouldn't dare hurt him on purpose like that," she told him. As horrible as she was, there were rules. One of the most important of those rules is that no matter how much you don't like a guy you never deliberately hurt his feelings. It's not nice when it's done to you in public so don't do it to him.

"He saved me." She added.

The additional words hung in the air between them. There was so much potential in those words: he saved me once; he saved me for the first time; he saved me from the bad guys; he saved me from myself; he saved me because I let him; he saved me because I wanted him to; he saved me to prove a point.

He saved me.

"I know," Tony had gone quiet. He felt guilty, like he'd let his own daughter down. Erin wasn't his daughter though, she was Phil's, no matter how Tony felt. "Hurry up. We need to get your bag back and then go shopping."

Tony pushed himself off the wall and walked away from Erin who blinked and cocked her head to the side.

"Wait, what?" She called after him, not sure she heard him right.

"You have a date tonight! You think we're going to let you pick your own outfit?" was his shouted response as he walked out into the hall.

Nervous and a little bit excited, Erin rushed to finish drying her hair. As apprehensive and against the idea as she was, a tiny part of her was looking forward to the date with Steve. She quickly squashed that part of her though. Hero or not, she didn't like him. Nothing could change that.

Right?


	10. Part 1 Chapter 10

**A.N.: All places mentioned are purely fictional as far as I am aware.**

Erin didn't know how to feel. Her stomach said to be nervous as it instinctively twisted itself in to knots upon hearing the term 'date'. Her head said to be on guard because men weren't to be trusted and yes, the guy had saved her but he'd also hurt her (even if it wasn't directly his fault). Her chest cried out that the dress was too tight but reason told her to ignore it – the dress had fit fine in the store.

Her heart was, of course, locked away safe and sound in a place where no one could get to it. She'd not moved it from its hiding place in seven years.

"Erin, you've gone very pale. Are you alright?" Pepper asked, motherly concern filling her voice.

She was twisting Erin's violet hair into a bun at the base of her neck. It was an uncomfortable and fiddly process which required more bobby pins than Erin had thought possible and bizarrely included a squishy foam donut.

"I'm fine," Erin lied breezily.

Her body alone was numb from where she'd been sitting for so long and her head ached from all the pins stuck into her scalp. Quite frankly Erin couldn't believe she had agreed to this. You don't just date a guy because he saved your life! It was too cliché! Besides it put ideas into men's heads that could be very dangerous to both sexes. What was she doing going against two of her major beliefs? If you had to go through that much pain for someone to like you they weren't worth it.

But he'd still asked her out while she looked like a mess, in her lowest of points. Surely that counted for something.

"Maybe it's the foundation." Pepper frowned.

Or perhaps the horde of monkeys rampaging inside Erin's stomach. She really wanted to throw up. Sadly she'd 'forgotten' to eat dinner which meant she physically couldn't. It was an idiotic yet failsafe idea.

When she was finished Pepper stood back and admired her work. Tony's girlfriend had somehow managed to get ready in fifteen minutes but she'd spent about an hour on Erin which didn't even seem possible but all the facial hair removal, nail painting and make-up and hairstyling really added up. No one could say Erin wasn't making an effort for Steve.

"Right, I'm going to go. I'll see you there." Pepper decided. It was 6:55 and she didn't want to be around third-wheeling when Steve arrived.

"Okay," Erin nodded and walked her friend to the front door.

She didn't linger to watch Pepper leave however as Erin found herself in desperate need of a wee. She apologised and ran off before the door had even closed which suited Pepper just fine. She caught the door before it shut and closed it slowly so the latch didn't click in place. She didn't trust Erin to answer the door in her current state.

On her way down the stairs Pepper ran into Steve. Like Erin he was clearly suffering from nerves which made Pepper smile. It was sweet how much he wanted this.

"I propped the door open just in case." Pepper told him as he passed.

"Thanks," Steve tried to feel relieved but he couldn't. The fact that Pepper had felt the need to prop open Erin's door was reason enough to feel anxious.

As Steve reached the apartment Erin had claimed to be hers he could see that, true to Pepper's comment, the door wasn't fully closed which allowed him to relax slightly because it meant that Erin hadn't lied to him. Before he could lose his nerve Steve knocked on the door. Inside he heard a door slam and Erin's hurried footsteps. There was a small thud as something heavy fell to the floor while she paused but by the sound of it Erin didn't stop to pick it up. Flinging open the door, Erin was halfway to putting her coat on when she stopped and had to supress a laugh as she looked at Steve.

"You've cleaned up nice." She wasn't lying.

It was a nice look, just one she wasn't used to. The high-waisted brown trousers, khaki shirt and deep green tie were all very reminiscent of Steve's era. Erin shouldn't have been surprised considering her own outfit. Tony had bought her a violet and white polka dot dress to match her hair with cap sleeves, a swishy skirt padded with netting and a white satin sash. The outfit was made more 'forties' by the wide-brimmed black felt hat with a thick white sash and a matching black felt coat.

"Thank you. You look…" He stared at her, captivated by her new look. "Beautiful."

Erin shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot, looking at the floor.

"Shall we go?" She asked, not meeting his eye.

"Of course," Steve offered his arm out to her, trying his best not to panic. He'd made her uncomfortable which was the last thing he wants to do.

Erin hesitated and then looped her arm through his. She had no bag tonight. She placed her keys, purse and phone in her pocket, paranoid despite the reduced chance of losing her most valuable items. Steve paused as Erin closed the door properly and then led her downstairs.

Steve had stopped the cab a block from where they were headed and with Erin's permission they walked the last little way. Had it been a real date, one with someone else perhaps, Erin would have attempted to hold his hand as they walked but she was too uncomfortable to do it. Instead she shoved her hands in her coat pockets and gripped onto her phone and ran her thumb over the teeth of her keys. She was clearly tense as she kept her head down, staring at the pavement in front of them.

"I like walking. There's something very calming about it." Steve said conversationally.

Erin gave a small smile and replied "I know what you mean. It's very rhythmic."

"Before the war I used to walk most places. There was nowhere I needed to go that I couldn't walk to," He reminisced. "The world isn't like that anymore. It's too big."

"It is too big." Erin mused.

Steve watched as her eyes grew misty with thought.

"What are you thinking about?" Steve asked, unable to help himself.

"Walking. Just walking through New York with my headphones in, drowning out the world with music and not really knowing where I'm going." She smiled and shook her head, clearing away the distractions.

"What kind of music?" Steve asked, trying to keep the conversation flowing. He wanted to know what she listened to. Maybe for their next date they could go to a concert or he would plan something where music she liked was involved.

"It depends on my mood." she finally looked up and smiled at him. She seemed almost embarrassed as she gave a tiny shrug of her shoulders. Steve found it cute.

"So if you were happy?" Steve prompted her.

"I dunno. Probably either pop-punk or something Latin that I can dance to?" She looked away again.

"I've not got around to those genres yet." Steve told her, hoping she'd offer something more than that.

"That's a shame." She shrugged. Erin felt like she'd shared too much. It was her own fault for getting distracted. She might have said more but her stomach was now doing backflips and she didn't feel like saying more.

They walked in silence that was only mildly uncomfortable the rest of the way. They arrived at an old redbrick apartment building. The bricks were covered in decades' worth of grime and the paint of the whitewashed windowsills of the flats were peeling but it didn't matter though. The renovation of the first two floors was enough of a distraction from that. The front had been extended half a foot and the large blocks had been painted cream. Either side of the large wooden doors an arch created a little alcove in which Erin could imagine couples in old-fashioned attire sheltering from the rain. No one stood out there now in the blue light of a new night but later couples would emerge from inside to smoke there, she was sure of it. A light up board had black letters stuck to it telling anyone who passed about the forties dance occurring inside that night until 1am which Erin found quite nice.

"It's about time!" Tony looked up from checking what looked like a terribly expensive watch to tut at them mockingly.

Erin smiled and shook her head as she ran forward the last few steps and hugged him, Pepper and Bruce in turn. At least they would be there to cushion the blow throughout the evening.

"Shall we go in?" Bruce asked, feeling incredibly third-wheelish.

"My lady." Tony comically bowed and offered his arm to Pepper.

She accepted it with a smile and the couple led them in. In another situation Steve would have done the same with Erin but she walked between him and Bruce, commenting on how nice the scientist looked. He and Tony had dressed similarly to Steve but in a navy blue and grey suit instead whilst Pepper was more similar to Erin in a deep green dress. Bruce thanked her and then got out his phone although no one had any idea who he was texting.

"How did you find out about this place?" Erin asked quietly to Steve as she looked around. They were standing in a short hall in a line to get in to the main area. The walls were the same as the building front but with old posters and newspapers framed in the alcoves. A black and white squared linoleum floor looked a little bit odd beneath her black heels but she didn't comment on that or the angel mural on ceiling above them. She quiet liked the quirky décor.

"I was walking." Steve felt a little proud that he managed to reference their conversation and was even more so when Erin smiled.

When they reached the front Steve refused to let Erin pay for her ticked in. She expected she was on a date with Steve and he was a gentleman but she still tried to pay anyway. Erin wouldn't abandon her morals that easily.

Inside was breath-taking. They descended a short flight of steps that led into a multi-tiered ballroom. A large square polished dance floor was lit up by a chandelier and circled by spotlights buried in the floor. At the far end a stage housed a Big Band that played the liveliest music Erin had ever heard. Couples and groups of friends in varying degrees of forties attire danced enthusiastically whilst others haunted the bar or the booths separated by painted banisters. It was amazing. Erin laughed aloud and led the way to a booth on the highest tier away from the floor to dump her coat and hat. Bruce and Tony took orders from the bar and Pepper slid into the plush leather bench on one side of the table and apologised for having to send a quick work email. Erin leant over the banister and looked at all the dancers moving on the floor.

"You can join them if you want." Steve stepped in close next to her so he could hear her over the loud music.

"Can you dance?" She asked distractedly. Eyes flitting from person to person.

"Not well. Can you?" Steve felt a little nervous all of a sudden. He hadn't danced in so long.

"Nope." With a sudden surge of bravery she took his hand and led him down the steps onto the floor.

Tony and Bruce returned with the drinks a few minutes later. Tony had managed to commandeer a circular tray to carry the five drinks on and was very pleased with himself for it. As he placed the tray on the table with one hand he snatched Pepper's phone with the other and tossed it to Bruce who pocketed it. Pepper opened her mouth to protest but Tony raised an eyebrow and gave her a look so she shut her mouth again and instead engaged Bruce in a conversation. They'd had a rule for the night: no phones.

Tony wandered over to the banister and scanned the crowd for Steve and Erin. He found them in a far corner where it was less crowded. Fondly he smiled as Erin moved about wildly in time with the music, not particularly caring about what others thought. Steve danced but it was more compact than his partner. She was really trying with him, Tony could tell even from a distance. He was happy about that. He worried that Erin was going to be unresponsive and not put any effort into the date but she proved him wrong and not, as he suspected, just to prove him wrong either.

A couple of songs later and Erin and Steve returned, panting and slightly sweaty. Erin took a big swig of her drink and dragged Pepper off to the bathroom while Steve slumped down across the table from Tony, next to Bruce.

"How's it going?" Bruce asked, a grin on his face.

"Good," Steve nodded, a smile blossoming on his face involuntarily.

"Do you need to clear off so you guys can talk?" Tony winked.

"You don't have to." Steve felt bad about wanting to kick the others off the table for a bit. He'd asked them along after all.

"Don't worry Cap', we'll hook you up," Tony grinned. He drained his drink and then offered his hand out to Bruce. "May I have this dance?"

Bruce gave Tony an incredibly weird look but left just the same. As they filed down to the stairs Tony hooked Pepper's arm and dragged her with him as she and Erin returned to the table. Startled, Erin let her friend go. She was meant to be on a date after all which meant that she couldn't just leave Steve alone.

"You know, I was thinking," Steve began as Erin slid into the seat Tony had vacated. "That in all those months you spent interviewing me you learned all about me but I never got to find out anything about you."

Erin smiled wryly and took a sip of her drink before responding.

"You can ask me a couple of questions if you want but I have nothing to tell really." She was lying. She had a lot to tell but she didn't want to. It wasn't first date material and things Steve certainly wouldn't need to know as they wouldn't be going out again.

"I'm sure that's not true." Steve called her out on it in a friendly way. There was no edge of accusation to his voice which Erin liked. She could relax a little around Steve now that they had spent so much time together. That didn't mean she could share though.

"It's not as interesting as what you've told me," Erin said evasively.

Steve, not wanting to cross any boundaries, didn't respond straight away. He thought carefully and then decided to learn the little things first to make her comfortable. They could work their way up as the night went on if that's what they both wanted.

"I'm sure your favourite colour is interesting." He replied. His head was bent to look at the table but instead he watched Erin who seemed to evaluate him for a second before answering.

"Purple. Couldn't you tell?" She grinned. It was an effort to keep smiling as she was on edge but she did it all the same, hoping he wouldn't notice.

"Your hair colour does suit you." Steve commented. The compliment seemed to make her uncomfortable again so he changed tactic. "Favourite movie?"

They carried on that way for a good while, him quizzing her on her favourite things. He kept a mental note of them all, hoping he would get the chance to use them at a later date. Steve enjoyed the little stories behind some of the things. As she spoke Erin relaxed and they carried on talking, even when the others returned to get drinks. Sometimes he would ask her a question that would cause her to wall up and retreat into herself but with a little trial and error Steve quickly learnt which topics to avoid.

It wasn't perfect but it was admittedly the best date Erin had been on in a very long time.

Sadly nothing good lasts forever.


	11. Part 1 Chapter 11

_It wasn't perfect but it was admittedly the best date Erin had been on in a very long time. _

_Sadly nothing good lasts forever._

Erin had first noticed the girls while she and Steve were dancing on the floor. There were three of them, all brunettes, who kept shooting Erin the stink-eye behind Steve's back. In matching sailor dresses it was apparent that these girls hadn't made much of an effort for the dance. Their hair was straight and swung lazily about their faces as they danced in a style not suited to the music. It was clear as day that these girls were here for attention and to prey on men rather to celebrate days long past.

Erin tried to ignore them but she was certain that they followed her and Steve as they left the floor and purposely sat at a table not too far away just to spite her. Jealousy was written all over their snotty faces as they saw Erin was joined by not one but three of the famous Avengers which made Erin feel a bit smug but not enough so that she let the little group know that she even noticed they were there. Erin didn't see them as a threat. She wasn't serious about Steve and Tony and Bruce weren't really her concern in that matter so she ignored the girls. She figured they were harmless.

She was wrong.

To Tony's displeasure Pepper had stepped outside to take an emergency work call and the group were weighing in on Bruce's chance of asking out the girl behind the bar while they waited for her when the group of morons – as Erin referred to them in her head – walked over and the ringleader asked them to dance. She was absurdly tall in her ridiculous stiletto heels and had baby bunny eyes than bulged out of her head slightly. Erin found her quite repulsive to look at but the men around her did not appear to feel the same way.

"There are three of us and three of you. You don't mind right?" She added to Erin, a smirk clear on her face. If Steve hadn't been present she would have smacked the bitch round the face but why? If they wanted to dance they could dance. She shouldn't feel jealous.

"Of course not." Erin replied graciously.

Steve looked torn but Erin sent him a look that said it was fine by her so the three men left. Alone, Erin had nothing better to do than to watch her friends dance with the morons. The bunny-eyed, stick-figure leader was getting very close to Steve as she danced and Erin couldn't suppress the anger rising up inside her. You don't just hit on someone else's date! It wasn't right. She shouldn't care but she did. Erin had been having a good time until she let Steve go. It was confusing because she felt like she shouldn't care but she did. She cared.

Erin watched and as she did something clicked. She had never planned to date Steve but the morons had just provided her with another justification for her choice.

When the song ended the girls held on to the men for another dance. Unlike Tony, Steve didn't even try to resist which infuriated Erin. She was trying not to overreact but it was just ridiculous. He was on a DATE with HER. She'd taken care not to abandon Steve for too long but he clearly couldn't afford her the same courtesy. Another two songs alone and she'd had enough. Grabbing her coat, Erin didn't even bother getting the stupid hat. She was done. She had been proven right about all men and now she just wanted to go home.

From the dance floor Steve glanced up and saw Erin heading for the door. He panicked and nodded to the others before following her. The morons protested but all of a sudden the men didn't have the time of day for them. Tony went to the table while Bruce followed Steve as he tried to head Erin off at the door. They were a little too slow though but they still managed to catch Erin up in the hall.

"Erin, wait!" Steve called after her.

Erin froze and Steve ran the rest of the way while Bruce hung back by the doors just in case the morons tried to interrupt.

"Wait for what? You to leave with little miss _thing_ in there?" She tried her best to not swear although why was beyond her. She didn't care what this jerk thought of her anymore. Clearly he wasn't as interested in her as he had led her to believe.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gone but you said it was okay." Steve apologised.

"Okay for one dance maybe but _four_? That was more than you danced with me!" Erin snarled. She was very controlled considering how easily she usually flew off the handle. Steve expected the yelling to start immediately and was grateful that it didn't.

"I made a mistake-" He began but Erin wasn't having it.

"Nope. I made a mistake. I thought this date would be easy but obviously I underestimated you." She shook her head, disgusted with herself. As much as she hated to admit it, Erin had let herself believe that Steve was different. She believed he wouldn't hurt her and she was wrong. She was hurt. She was selfish and hurt and stupid and tired. She had let him get one over on her despite her best efforts to lock him out and it was her own fault.

Steve started to speak again but Erin didn't bother listening. She'd already given him the money in the cab for the previous night and gone on the date as agreed upon. It wasn't her fault if he screwed up. Erin felt entitled to go home so she did. She just turned and left Steve in the middle of his pathetic apology. She wasn't even going to try any more.

"Look, I filled my end of the agreement. I did what we agreed upon and now I'm going home." Erin cut Steve off again.

"Let me make it up to you." Steve tried but Erin snapped.

"I don't want you to! Can't you see that?" Erin yelled, losing her temper.

"Why not? I made a mistake. It's not the end of the world!" Steve raised his voice too, more angry at himself than at her.

"Does it matter what my reasoning is? I gave you your chance and I say no more!" Erin asked heatedly, glaring daggers at him. She was done.

"Yes it does actually," Steve surprised himself with his response. "I want to know on what grounds I'm being rejected because we were having a good time just now."

"No, we weren't. You were off dancing and I was on the side lines." Erin retorted.

"I said I'm sorry. Why won't you let me make it up to you?" Steve asked, making sure to keep in line. She may be angry but Erin was still a lady and ought to be treated with respect no matter what her faults.

"It's because you're desirable!" Erin shouted. She hadn't meant to say those words but they slipped out before she could really think about it.

"I'm what?" Steve asked, taken aback.

"You're desirable," Erin calmed a little bit, taking deep breaths and closing her eyes briefly before elaborating. She was in the pit anyway so she may as well dig deeper. "Since the Loki incident girls have wanted you all over the world! That back there is a perfect example of why I can't date you! Even if I _was_ interested in you I'd constantly be worried about girls trying and succeeding in taking you from me. Falling in love in dangerous business because you open yourself up to a world of hurt. I'm not doing it! I won't let my heart be broken again! This was anoter mistake; a mistake that I never intend to make again."

Without another word Erin stormed away, head bent to hide the tears forming in her eyes. She had been so stupid. Why had she let herself get nervous over that night? Why had she agreed? Erin berated herself in her head as she left, wishing that she had taken Tony up on his offer to find another way.

"I can confirm that she is _not_ a lesbian if that makes you feel better." Tony said out of the side of his mouth, sidling up to Steve. The captain hadn't even registered his friend's arrival until he spoke

"For some reason that doesn't make me feel better at all." Steve replied glumly, staring after her. He didn't know how to proceed. He'd tried to be polite and ended up ruining all his hard work. He was such an idiot.

"May I make a suggestion here?" Doctor Banner piped up, joining the other two. He hadn't moved or spoken since Steve began apologising.

"Go ahead." Steve kept staring down the hall, sighing as the door slammed shut behind her.

"_Go after her_." He said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I don't kn-" Steve started to protest.

"Just do it." Banner told him.

Taking a deep breath, Steve ran down the hall and out of the front doors after her. Once he was outside he had to pause to see which direction she went in. He quickly spotted her and chased her down the road, calling out her name. When she heard him, Erin sped up walking without breaking into a run but she knew it would be useless so instead she quickly dried her tears before he could see them and prayed the dark night would hide the redness of her eyes. She was so stupid. Why was she even crying? She didn't care. It wasn't like she liked Steve or anything. Sure, they'd had a fun evening but despite her better judgement he had turned out to be just another man, just another disappointment like her father. How had she let herself get nervous over this date? She shouldn't have even said yes. She had done the wrong thing again.

"Erin stop!" Steve ran in front of her so she couldn't walk any further.

"What?" Erin asked, masking the hurt in her voice with malice.

"What just happened back there?" He asked.

"I told you. It's not my fault if you don't listen." She reminded him bitterly, failing to side step him.

"This… this tantrum is because I was dragged off to dance by a few girls?" he asked disbelievingly. That was what it seemed like on the surface but he knew Erin and it was more than that. It had to be.

"Because you were dragged off to dance and you didn't come back. After weeks of you asking me out you decided to ditch me halfway through a date that I was actually enjoying." Erin hissed.

"Erin, I-" Steve started.

"Enough Steve! I have had enough! I knew I shouldn't have done this but I did because I thought it would get you off my back!" Erin shouted.

"What?" Steve went quiet. He didn't want to believe her but he knew she was telling the truth. He should have known but he didn't want to believe it.

"I'd like to thank you, you know," Erin went on, ignoring him. "For proving me right. All men are the same. I knew I was doing the right thing not dating you."

"Why? What do all men do?" He was trying to keep up but his mind was full of things he wanted to say if only she'd give him the chance.

"All men hurt you! It's what you do!" Erin spat. She went to turn away again but Steve caught her upper arm with his hand and turned her to face him.

"You're wrong," He told her gravely, not letting go. This was his chance. "I read that book you know. The one that made you late for coffee and then again to our first meeting."

"What?" Erin was thrown off by the very sudden change of topic.

"I read _The Fault in Our Stars_ by John Green. Don't you remember what he says? "You cannot choose if you get hurt in the world but you do have some say in who hurts you." Men only hurt you because you let them. You let your father and others hurt you but I won't do that. And if I do, you can choose not to let me. Letting me in isn't the same as letting me hurt you. There is a choice Erin, there is always a choice. I may have messed up but it was a mistake. Just a single mistake. It will never happen again." Steve told her earnestly.

Erin was silent. Tears welled up in her eyes but she didn't stop staring straight into his, not even for a second. When the first tear tumbled down onto her cheek she remained still. She didn't wipe it away, she didn't sniff or push Steve off of her. She stared him out and she did so because he was right. So completely and irreversibly right. And she hated it. She hated him. One of the worst things about hate though is that it is the other side of the coin to love. There was no way in Hell that Erin could love Captain Rogers in that moment – it was too soon – but she realised that it wasn't impossible to love in the future. Not the near future of course but still, at some point, if she let him, Erin could love him. She could forgive him because nothing she held against him was really his fault. They could have a happily ever after if she put the effort in.

What a terrifying thought.

But he wouldn't love her. He didn't know anything about her and the common phrase was very wrong. What you don't know can hurt you. In fact, it can hurt you twice as bad when it comes to light.

"You don't know me," was all she could say. The lump in her throat restricted words.

"Not yet," Steve said gently. He could see the look in her eyes soften. She was peering out from behind the many barriers she'd built up for herself over the years. It was crucial at this point to be extra caring and understanding, to draw her out. "But I want to know you."

"No you don't." Erin choked the words out, shaking her head.

"I do." He insisted.

Unable to resist himself, he let go of her arm and lifted his hand to lightly brush her glistening cheek. Erin's eyes fluttered closed and she trembled beneath his touch. She needed help but not him. He had done so much to hurt her and he hadn't even known. Could her destruction really be her salvation? No, surely not.

"Please." The moment the words left his lips she was lost.

She opened her eyes again and looked up at him. There was a cautious look on his face, not one of expectancy or desperation as she might have anticipated from any other man. He truly didn't want to hurt her.

Not yet at least.

The battle raged on inside her head, each argument counterbalanced by the opposition in some way. It was so confusing. She needed to be alone. She needed space to think.

"I have to go," She whispered. She tried to take step back but Steve's strong arms were around her waist, holding her close to him.

"Let me walk you home." He requested. Steve hated the idea of offending her but he didn't dare leave her to her own devices at night anymore. Not after the weekend she'd had so far.

"I want to be alone." Erin kept her voice low although she didn't know why. It just seemed appropriate to remain quiet.

"And I want you to get home safely." Steve replied.

Erin bit her lip and bowed her head which resulting in her resting her forehead on Steve's chest. He was much taller than she and it hurt craning her neck up to look at him from this close. Despite the cool night air Steve's body was so warm. She liked being this close to him. It reminded her of a long-lost intimacy that she'd not had in seven years. She'd not had anyone in seven years but now someone was trying. What real reason did she have to push him away? Her father ruined her childhood, not this man. He was good and kind and while she didn't deserve him, the least Erin could do would be to let him walk her home.

"Okay," Erin looked back up at him. "Can we go now?"

"Of course, I just need to grab my coat from inside." Steve nodded. He was so relieved that she wasn't fighting him on this.

Placing a protective arm around her back, Steve led Erin back along the street and into the club. As they walked around the edge of the floor Erin spotted the girls who had asked Steve to dance glaring at her from out on the floor. Knowing her date had his eyes fixed on their friends at the table Erin discreetly flipped the bird at those vultures and revelled in their little gasps of shock. Had she thought she might get away with it Erin probably would have kissed Steve right in front of them, just to send the girls into a tizzy of course. She didn't actually want to kiss Steve. Of course she didn't.

"Are you okay?" Tony asked as Steve released her to put on his jacket and say goodbye to the others.

"He's taking me home now." Erin nodded with a weak smile. She was tired and this was all getting to be a bit too much.

"Okay, I'll call you when we get to LA." Tony smiled. He and Pepper were headed home for a while because Pepper needed to be at the main office.

"Sure thing boss." Erin joked even though she didn't really feel like it.

With an awkward hug, she said goodbye to him and then waved at Pepper and Bruce before Steve wrapped his arm around her again and walked her out.

"So was it as terrible as you thought it would be?" Steve asked when they emerged outside.

"I'm not going to lie: I didn't expect to get date poached which definitely made it worse than expected." Erin admitted wryly.

"But before that, was it a good date?" He pressed, hailing down a cab.

Erin pretended to consider it carefully but she already knew that it was. The thing was, she couldn't give him false hope. She was still torn and it wouldn't be fair.

"What did you think?" She asked, turning the question around.

"It was definitely the best date I've ever been on." Steve decided. His mind cast back to all those awkward double dates with Bucky where the girls were never really into him and how he'd never had the chance to go out with Peggy. That didn't matter now though. They were all long gone and Erin was here beside him, shivering slightly from the cold. Wordlessly he slipped off his jacket and draped it about Erin's shoulders. It swamped her which made them both laugh. That laughter was short-lived though. Erin was still distracted and that was fine. As they got into the vehicle Steve left her alone with her thoughts for a minute while he gave the driver Erin's address.

"Steve?" Erin said finally, her voice quiet.

"Yes?" He leant back and gave Erin his undivided attention.

"I don't know what I want. I'm so confused." She admitted. She had wanted to be good to him and failed. Maybe there was no point in trying to try and be nice again but Erin felt like she owed him still, especially after the mess she'd made.

"How can I help?" Steve was serious again. If he could do something to bring her round to his side he would do it in a heartbeat. He was determined to get a second date.

"When you drop me home can you just wait until I call you?" Erin requested carefully.

She needed time to think, to get herself together. It meant a few days of solitary confinement where Steve had to keep his distance.

"Yes," Steve understood. He didn't want to but he would do what she asked because she asked. It may be stupid after all the hassle she caused him but Steve didn't like her any less after that weekend which must have been some sort of miracle.

Erin stood in front of her apartment door, key in hand. Steve stood behind her, hands in his pockets. He didn't know where to look or what to do. This wasn't exactly a conventional end-of-date experience.

Erin opened the door and paused before wedging it open with a book she snatched from the table by the door. Then, against her better judgement, Erin turned and hugged Steve goodbye. His arms were as warm and safe as they had been the previous night which made it harder letting go. For the second time that night she considered kissing him but thought better of it. She was in a confused place right now and it wouldn't be smart. Instead she whispered goodnight and vanished into her apartment.

So began the long process of figuring out what the hell it was she wanted.


	12. Part 1 Chapter 12

Steve woke up as he always did at dawn without an alarm clock. He rose instantly and changed into a grey T-shirt and jogging bottoms before going for a jog in Central Park. An hour later he returned home and made himself breakfast: two slices of toast, a banana and vanilla yogurt. Then he washed, changed and got his motorcycle from around the back of the apartment building and drove to the library where he spent the rest of the morning catching up on his history. At lunch time he returned home and began to cook himself Spaghetti Bolognese. What he didn't eat he put in plastic containers and placed in the freezer for later in the week. Then he grabbed his duffel bag and headed out the door. Normally he would have gone to the gym but his phone rang and Steve jumped to answer it.

It had been two weeks since his date with Erin. Two weeks in which he hadn't heard a word from her. He didn't call though, didn't go to see her. He just kept his phone by him at all times and routinely checked it, waiting as patiently as he could for her to make up her mind.

"Hey gramps." Tony's usual cheer sounded a bit strained which immediately concerned Steve.

"What's wrong?" Steve asked, stopping in the middle of the hallway.

"Have you heard from Erin?" Tony asked in a would-be-casual voice.

"No," Steve began to grow anxious. "I take it you haven't either."

"Not since I first got to LA. She's stopped returning my calls and hasn't been on any social media or made any contact with anyone whatsoever. I've spoken with her landlord: no one has entered or left her apartment in two weeks." Tony admitted.

Part of him didn't want to be seen going overboard about nothing but you could never be too careful nowadays. Tony had thought of all the possibilities: Erin could be dead in her apartment, have been kidnapped _from_ her apartment, she could be being held hostage or tortured or she could be starving herself or something crazy.

"I'm on my way." Steve tightened his grip on his large duffel bag and headed out of the apartment, still on the phone confirming Erin's address with Tony.

Erin woke up on the couch at God-knows what time of day. Her ring binder that contained all the printed out pages of her Captain America Biography had fallen onto the floor and was splayed open before her. With a lazy hand she shut it and tucked it behind her so it wouldn't fall again before closing her eyes for another hour. Then she rolled off the sofa, got up and shuffled into the kitchen for something to eat. She made herself mac 'n' cheese with the long-life milk that haunted the back of the fridge and at it straight out of the saucepan with the ladle whilst it was still hot. Discarding the dirty dishes in the stack to be washed whenever she felt like it, Erin went and showered. She almost fell asleep again as she leaned against the tiled wall but she didn't. She turned on the cold water to make sure she woke up. Then she put on fresh pants and a large shirt before going back to the living room. She turned her "sleep song" (_Young and Beautiful_ by Lana Del Ray) or constant repeat and turned the volume up as her entire library of songs set itself to shuffle. Erin sat down heavily on the sofa and opened her laptop. Then, taking out the ring binder she picked up her green highlighter and red pen and began to proof read her work again.

She had finished the second draft a few days previous. Rather than send the rough copy off to Tony Erin printed out all two-hundred pages of her compiled word document and began to scan through everything with a fine-toothed comb, highlighting things she needed to change and writing notes to herself in the margins. This was the second time over the last two weeks she'd done this and though a long and tedious process, it was Erin's second favourite part about writing.

When she had gotten back from the date Erin had been a wreck. It didn't take long to pull herself together though. Most of the time it never did take too long. She had been fine, just making a list of pros and cons in a conscious attempt to actually try to resolve her issues when she'd found some of her notes from the interviews. A really great idea for the biography had wormed its way into her head and then she was possessed. She couldn't stop writing. Erin was in the zone and she wouldn't let anything else have her attention until she was done.

So she sat on the sofa, editing away for hours. Occasionally she'd stop to pee or eat something but those breaks were few and far between. Sometimes she'd stop and get up, going to the drawer by the door to her bedroom and checking that the brown envelope still contained the special contents she was waiting to part with. Once she was satisfied she would return to her seat and sink deeper into the zone. Ringing phones and knocking on doors didn't even register to her. Nothing did, at least until there was a hand on her shoulder.

"Jesus freaking Christ!" Erin jumped ten feet in the air, flipping the ring binder onto the floor as her heart pounded against her ribcage. "How the hell did you get in here?"

"Your landlord let me in." Steve frowned, taking a step back. He let her blasphemy slide because he was too busy taking in her physical appearance. She was clean on the surface but noticeably thinner which meant she wasn't eating properly. She was very pale and her hands shook minutely in her lap though Erin didn't seem to notice.

"Why are you here?" She was more shocked than angry.

"No one's heard from you in two weeks Erin. Tony sent me to check on you." Steve grimaced. He didn't like the situation at all. If he'd have thought she was alright he would have stayed away but Steve had known better. Erin needed help, whether she wanted to admit it or not.

"He's still in LA?" Erin asked. Steve nodded and so did she, zoning out slightly. Even if he was in New York Tony probably would have sent Wonder Boy to check on her.

"Erin?" Steve asked. He was concerned only because the situation was novel to him. Was she usually like this?

"Yes." Erin snapped back to attention.

"Are you okay?" It was awkward how he just stood there so she got up and scavenged for a free seat while she answered.

"Yes, I'm sorry. I should have called but I got side-tracked…" She found a stool and slumped on it.

It was meant to be for Steve to sit on but the sudden movement and rush caused her head to spin. She groaned and held her head in her hands. It felt like a ton of bricks. Steve walked over and crouched in front of her. Carefully he took Erin's hands in his own which felt nice as they were cool and she was too warm. Then he peered into her eyes which were bloodshot.

"I know you hate being the damsel in distress," Steve started slowly as he took Erin's temperature with the back of his hand. "But you're not well. Will you please let me look after you?"

Erin shook her head.

"I'm fine," she insisted. "Can I get you a drink?"

"I'm fine thank you." Steve denied.

He followed Erin into the kitchen and watched her forage around in the cupboards. He took a look around the room, awed by how much it resembled the American flag.

"I had no idea you were so… patriotic." Steve commented as Erin cursed under her breath.

"I'm not. This place used to be my dad's." She replied.

That silenced Steve for a while.

Erin frowned at all of the clutter around her entire apartment. She wished she had known Steve was coming over. She would have cleaned up. There was a mess everywhere and she didn't really want him to think her a slob. Panicking slightly, Erin started organising the dishes into stacks in the sink. She started to fill the basin with warm water and a tiny squirt of bleach when Steve stopped her.

"I think you should call Tony, let him know you're alright. I'll get a handle on this." Steve suggested.

Erin looked at him, puzzled slightly. She could understand his offer to help but was confused by why he thought she would need to call Tony. Was something wrong with him that she didn't know about? The possibilities made her anxious so with a nod and a "thank you" Erin rushed from the kitchen, grabbed the home phone and went into her room to make the call.

Alone, Steve worked quickly washing the dishes and placing them on the drainer to dry. Once he was done Steve was unable to help himself. Piling all the books on the floor he wiped down the counter tops before lining the books against the back wall so there was space for him to prepare a meal. Erin really looked like she could do with a good meal. He began to check the cupboards for food but was shocked to find most of them empty. There was a solitary box of mac 'n' cheese in one, an unmade packet of Jell-O in another, some tins of peas and pineapple rings in another but that was it. The fridge held only a half-full bottle of Pepsi and the freezer had a practically empty tub of lemon sherbet ice-cream in it.

Concern for Erin's health increasing drastically, Steve walked to Erin's room and tapped lightly on the door. She didn't answer so he knocked a little answer. Still she kept quiet. Pressing his ear against the door, Steve couldn't actually hear any noise from inside the room. He was torn for a moment but then decided it was probably for the best if he went inside.

Erin was curled up on her side in the middle of what appeared to be a giant nest in the centre of her bed. Duvets and blankets had been used to construct walls around her with teddies strategically placed as guards about her. Pillows propped up her barriers and Erin's head rested on one of them. Nothing covered her thin body and she was shivering slightly between deep, even breaths. Steve thought about how sweet she looked but also wondered about what had made this happen. No one slept in such a defensive way for no reason. Erin's phone was laying on the pillow next to her open hand. As he put a thin blanket over her, Steve picked it up and listened. Tony was no longer on the other end of the phone so he put it back and left Erin in peace. She probably needed the rest.

Unsure of what to do, Steve left Erin and looked around the chaotic living room. He didn't dare clean this up only because it looked like Erin had some sort of categorised system that he didn't want to mess with. Instead he sat on the sofa and picked up the ring binder that Erin had been working out of when he arrived. This was clearly the distraction that had prevented her from calling him so he couldn't resist opening it to see what she had been working on.

He was glad he had.

_Contrary to popular belief, life was never easy for Captain Steve Rogers. The famous war hero more commonly known as 'Captain America' came from more humble beginnings than anyone could guess. _

_Born on July 4__th__ 1918 in Brooklyn, New York, Steven Grant Rogers was the first and only child to Sarah Mary and Joseph Steven Rogers…_

Steve sat back and read Erin's biography, careful to take note of what changes she had scribbled in the margins. It was a good read despite being incomplete. Erin hadn't let her personal opinion of Steve shade her work at all which he was grateful for. It was weird, reading about his own life but Steve enjoyed it for the most part. There were points where old and painful memories resurfaced so sometimes he had to stop and gather himself before moving on. It didn't bother him though. She'd captured everything almost perfectly.

The ending though confused him.

"Do you like it?" Erin asked. She was standing in the doorway, watching Steve read the last page. She'd been there for a while, just watching and assessing his reaction. It was interesting because she'd never had the character of one of her stories read them before.

"I don't understand the ending," Steve admitted, looking up at her. "It never happened."

"Actually," Erin was very calm as she opened the drawer to her left and pulled out a brown envelope. "It's not happened yet."

"What do you mean?" Steve stood up and met Erin halfway.

"I found her." Erin kept her voice low and steady as she handed him the envelope.

Steve opened it and looked at the contents: a plane ticket to Washington, an address to an old people's home and a photo of a woman with white curled hair in a hospital gown and wheelchair, smiling tiredly at the camera. Despite having aged, it was a face that Steve thought he would never see again because he believed her to be dead.

"Peggy's alive?" His voice was caught in his throat as his eyes glistened.

"Yes," Erin nodded. "I was doing some research and I found her. I was going to tell you but I managed to speak to Fury first and he's arranging a place to stay for you when you go up there."

Steve was speechless.

"After everything you've done for me it was the least I could do for you," Erin told him truthfully. "I've been horrible to you every step of the way so I hope this makes up for it in some small way. I know you can't be with her now – she's married and her husband is in the same place as her – but I figured you might want to say goodbye? You can use that ticket whenever you want according to Fury."

Still saying nothing, Steve took Erin by surprise and hugged her.

"Thank you." He whispered in her ear.

"Yeah, well, I owed you." Erin replied uncomfortably.

She hadn't been sure how Steve would take her news. She hadn't been sure she even wanted to tell Steve at all. It was the right thing though, telling him and helping him reunite with her for one last time. No matter how jealous she might secretly feel it was for the best. Steve wasn't hers. He might not ever be.

Erin was still working through things, still figuring out what she wanted. She had an idea but she wasn't sure. Did she really want to see her father one last time to shout at him for messing her up? Probably not. Did she really want Steve to love her and be just hers? The answer to that one was seeming more and more like a firm "yes" which scared Erin. She sent him away to deal with that fear. After all, you don't have to deal with a situation like that if the guy in question no longer likes you. It probably wouldn't work though and she knew that. The thing is, irrational thoughts were hard to control. She was trying to work through them, to come to a place where she could accept a second date with Steve but she wasn't ready yet.

But she would be, some day.


	13. Part 1 Chapter 13

Steve took a tentative step into the hospice room. His hear was racing and he felt sick to his stomach at the thought of seeing his girl again. It had been sixty-seven years since he'd last seen her and now she, like him, had been reduced to a fragment of the past. At least Peggy had gotten the chance to get on with her life. She'd married a soldier, had two bold sons and a fierce daughter which wasn't surprising. Steve expected nothing less that Peggy to be the mother of some amazing children. Steve used to wish that he had gotten to be the father to those amazing tykes. That was before Erin though.

The room was dark – thick heavy curtains blocked out the grey sunlight from the outside and the wall lamps that looked like shells clinging to the clinical white walls were all off. Despite being a private room there was hardly anything in there. A cupboard with a pitcher of water on it and some photo frames that showed her wedding day, her children at various stages of their lives, her grandchildren who were all teenagers now and a picture of Steve. Even after all this time he was dear to her. A large curtain hide Peggy from sight but Steve could clearly see her oldest son Steven reclined in a plastic armchair, the light from his mobile illuminating his face. Upon noticing Steve, Steven tucked his phone in his back pocket and rose to shake his hand.

"No need to introduce yourself. Mother spoke of you all the time." Steven smiled warmly.

"Steven, right?" Steve smiled back as he released Steven's hand.

"Right. I was the first boy. She named me after you – hoped I'd grow up to be as brave and strong." He seemed almost embarrassed by the fact.

"I'm honoured to share my name with you." Steve replied sincerely.

Erin took a deep breath but didn't open her eyes immediately. The sun radiated down on her, warming Erin's exposed skin. The one thing Erin loved more than anything else was feeling the heat on her skin. Such was the blessing of Los Angeles.

Picking up her suitcase, Erin walked the remaining few steps to the glass front door and knocked three times. Not knowing where else to look, Erin ended up inspecting one of Tony's sleek silver cars from a distance. She'd never had a particular interest in cars but it felt rude to peer through the glass as she waited for someone to let her in.

"Erin! You made it!" Pepper threw her arms open and Erin stepped into them for a welcoming hug.

"I did," Erin wasn't really sure what else to say. It had been a long flight and her thoughts were still a little jumbled.

"I'm sorry we couldn't get you ourselves from the airport. I've been at work and, well, Tony…" The smiled slid off her face as Pepper trailed off.

"What's happened?" Erin asked darkly, stepping inside.

"It happened slowly at first," Steven frowned. He'd found another chair and now was filling Steve in on Peggy's current state while she slept. "She forgot little things, like to shut the front door or she skipped a meal which for her was really quite unusual. Mom was always on a strict routine and took safety very seriously. Mary, my sister, figured something was up straight away but with Dad's stroke so recent the rest of us put it down to old age and stress. Then she started forgetting more things, bigger things, like birthdays and where she lived a couple of times. She couldn't remember her appointments and often double-booked or skipped them completely. When we took her out or visited she hardly spoke a word to us, she just watched Dad. Eventually she confessed to Mary everything – she actually went whole days without eating sometimes you know. She just forgot to. In the end we sent both Mom and Dad here. They couldn't look after themselves and with our own families and jobs we couldn't look after them."

Steve looked down at Peggy's sleeping face and felt his heart break at the story of how she was unravelling and losing herself. She was still beautiful though age had taken its toll. He could see the first love behind the wrinkles which made it worse. Her inner self had set to self-destruct, thus sending the bravest woman he knew into another war from which she could not emerge victorious.

"She calls out for you sometimes you know. When she read in the papers you were back she was thrilled. Kept talking about trying to find you but the nurses thought it was the dementia and never mailed her letters." Steven relayed sadly.

Struck by a sudden though, Steven stood up and crossed to the cupboard. He pulled out a small stack of envelopes which he handed to Steve once he'd sat back down. Some were addressed to SH.I.E.L.D., others to Captain Rogers himself. All in all there must have been about twenty. The letters and the intention behind them brought tears to Steve's eyes but he did not cry. He couldn't cry, not then.

"Steve, is that you?" Peggy's voice wavered as her eyes opened.

"Yes," Steve moved closer and smiled at her. "How's my best girl?"

"I didn't realise what was happening at first. After the incident in New York when we weren't with you Tony was either helping rebuild the Tower with me or holed up in one of the labs with Bruce. I didn't even know they were improving the suit until I was shown the finished Mark 8. Then a few months later they'd built a juggernaut and apparently flown out to the desert multiple times to test it out!

"After that he kept on working on upgrading his suit. You slowed his progress down a bit. He really cares for you and those two days following the date and then the few around the two week mark where he hadn't heard from you, well he was incredibly worried which stemmed the flow of his projects. Bringing him to L.A. was not a good idea. We're on the Mark 15 now I think of his suit." Gwen told her gravely.

"Have you talked to him?" Erin asked, trying to keep up as they walked through the house to the guest room.

"He doesn't realise what he's doing. He won't talk to me or a doctor or a therapist. Trust me, I've tried." Pepper sighed, opening the door for Erin whose hands were full with her suitcase.

"Would you like me to try?" She offered, placing down her suitcase and following Pepper back out of the room. She could unpack later. Clearly there were more pressing things at hand than the placement of her luggage.

"He might listen to you." Pepper mused as she led Erin back down the curved stairs to the main room.

Erin couldn't help but marvel at how large and spacious everything there was. Nothing was crammed or "compact" as she liked to think of it. There was room to breathe and stretch – Tony's house was the perfect escape from New York.

"I doubt it but I'll try." Erin replied as they descended a second staircase into the basement which doubled as Tony's lab.

He had his back to them when they entered and was merrily deafened a particularly loud rendition of AC/DC's _Highway to Hell_ which blasted out from unseen speakers. The straps around the back of his head indicated he was wearing a protective face mask and a sparking light was obscured by his body. After a few moments in which Pepper coughed in a pitiful attempt to grab Tony's attention the noise level halved and an automated male voice caused Erin to nearly jump out of her skin.

"Sir, you have visitors."

Angrily, Tony put down his welding torch and pushed back his helmet.

"Well you can tell those visitors to-" He turned around and instantly changed his tune. "Erin!" He walked forward and Erin met him halfway for a hug.

She had missed Tony.

"You're okay!" Peggy rejoiced, taking Steve's hand in her own.

"I am, how are you doing?" Steve smiled and squeezed her hand lightly with both of his own.

"I'm much better now that you're here. Where have you been?" Peggy fixed her gaze on him, smile never wavering. She had missed him so much over the decades.

"New York." Steve replied honestly, not knowing what else to say.

"It's changed a lot since out day." Peggy told him, an air of sadness suddenly engulfing her. She mourned the loss of 1940s New York. It had been a much simpler, safer place in some ways. Now, like her youth, it was long gone and there was no returning to it.

"It has." Steve agreed. He missed the world he had been born into even more now that he was reunited with Peggy.

"How are you adjusting?" Peggy asked, the brisk manner with which she used to speak haunting her voice.

"I'm doing well. I've got some new friends now to help me out." Steve assured her.

"Good. At least you have friends now. I remember at the beginning you looked like a lost puppy – all scrawny and alone. All the other soldiers called you the runt of the litter." Peggy's eyes grew misty as she reminisced.

"Well I'm not a runt anymore." Steve wanted to move past that time. The words had opinions of others had never hurt him as much as their fists had but that didn't mean the memories were pleasant ones to have.

"No, you're not." Peggy agreed dreamily. The look in her eyes showed that she was no longer in the room with Steve but lost in a time long past. How Steve longed to join her. The present was too sad to stay in.

"You've been a very bad girl, not calling for weeks!" Tony scolded Erin mockingly as the three of them sat at a large granite-topped table in the kitchen.

"That may be so but I've gone through five drafts of this thing and it's finally worthy of human eyes." Erin couldn't manage a full smile as she slid the extra two folders containing copies of the biography to Pepper and Tony.

It had been another two weeks since Steve's visit to her apartment and her behaviour had only improved slightly as a result of Captain Rogers' intervention. She had eaten more and actually left the apartment to go shopping but her sleep was still lacking as she had stayed up all hours to get the biography in the place she wanted it to be in time for her flight out to L.A. The result was that Erin felt as tired as Tony looked. The bags under his slightly bloodshot eyes were reminiscent of trenches. Like she had been he was ghostly pale and Erin could see how his hands shook as he took out his copy of the biography.

"Is this long enough?" Tony joked, flicking through the three-hundred A4 pages.

"Tony," Pepper hissed but Erin didn't mind.

"He has a long story to tell. We can cut down bits and pieces you think are irrelevant." Erin told him seriously.

"So how are we doing this? A few chapters a night?" Pepper asked, opening hers to the first page.

"Sure, whatever's easiest for you guys." Erin shrugged. She was out there for an entire fortnight so it made no difference to her.

"Yeah, let's do that. Then we can spend the days looking around L.A. Have you ever been to a beach before?" Tony grinned.

"Yes I have actually." Erin poked her tongue out at him, a gesture he returned.

"Well I bet you've never been to a private beach. It's like a regular beach except no annoying children screeching about the place." Tony informed her as if she were clueless.

Erin rolled her eyes as Pepper set Tony on task. Together they were going to keep him in check because this was a very important step for Erin. As a trio they would go through the book and make sure it was ready to be taken to Fury. If all went well they could be presenting to him in less than two months.

"I married eventually you know," Peggy told Steve sadly. "He's a lovely fellow. You saved him, that first time you went out alone to bring Bucky back. Daniel is such a wonderful dancer."

"I'm glad you're happy." Steve smiled. He genuinely was. From the sounds of it she had led a good life and he was glad for her. The last thing he wanted was for her to have wasted it because of him.

"I am. Are you though? Have you found someone yet?" Peggy seemed very concerned over this.

"There is a girl…" Steve admitted.

"Tell me about her." Peggy requested, her eyes glowing in the dim light.

"She's… It's… We're not together. She's gone through a lot and isn't in a place where she's ready to…" Steve struggled for the right words but Peggy seemed to understand.

"Just give her time. If she's got any sense she'll come around and see how good a man you are." Peggy's words were of extreme comfort to him. Steve could already tell that Erin was coming around in her own time but Peggy's faith made it all the easier to wait.

After a few hours of editorial work Pepper announced she was tired and went to bed. Erin would have done the same but Tony decided he wanted to head down back into the basement which made her reconsider. Once she'd bid Pepper goodnight Erin followed Tony back to his lab and perched on the side.

"Are you going to talk about it?" Erin asked, keeping it vague to see how he reacted.

"No," Tony replied flatly, inspecting his new helmet rather than looking at her.

"Why not?" Erin swung her legs childishly and cocked her head to the side. When he turned and looked at her he didn't smile. There was a grave look on his face which Erin didn't like.

"Because I almost _died_ Erin. Because people will lie to my face and say they understand when they have no idea what it's like. I'm not in the mood for others to judge me and shove pills down my throat. I'm perfectly fine working through this on my own." Tony snapped.

Erin pushed herself off the side and stood beside Tony. She put a comforting hand on his shoulder and waiting until he finally met her empathetic gaze.

"What if we could find you someone?" Erin asked him, completely serious. "What if we could find someone with a similar experience for you to talk to?"

"I don't know Erin." Tony looked at his feet again. "I'm fine as I am."

"But you're not fine. Pepper's really worried for you and so am I." Erin reminded him.

She had an idea that might just work but she needed help. More importantly than that she needed Tony's willing participation. When he looked back at her he could see how eager she was to help him. Silently she urged him to accept her offer and how could he say no when he was hurting the people around him?

"I'll give it a try." He conceded.

"That's all I ask." Erin said, relieved.

When Steve returned the next day it had been hard. Peggy was sat upright in her bed, a tray across her lap. A nurse spoon-fed her porridge and chattered away about her kids to Peggy who was very interested in the tales of little Tamika and the Summer Reading Program she hoped to attend. Steve hung back, not wanting to embarrass Peggy, and waited until they were done. Then he entered with his bouquet of fresh red Asters which brought a smile to her face.

"I was hoping you'd come back." Peggy told him.

Her children weren't there that morning which was fine by the both of them. The previous afternoon Steven had got up and left without saying goodbye to either his mother or her guest. Steve hoped that it was because he didn't want to interrupt their conversation. He wouldn't be too pleased to discover that Peggy's children were disrespecting her after everything he'd been through.

It was just around lunchtime when Steve's phone rang in his pocket. Conveniently the nurse was walking in with Peggy's lunch so he excused himself and went outside to take the call.

"Hello?" Erin's voice was clear as day through the phone speaker which was surprising but in the nicest possible way.

"Good afternoon," Steve replied cheerily.

"It's not afternoon is it?" Erin panicked slightly, checking the clock on her phone and then relaxing. "It's only ten."

"It's one pm here." Steve told her conversationally.

"L.A. is three hours behind DC," Erin stated the obvious. There was a moment silence in which she shook her head and woke herself up a bit more. "Steve, I need your help."

And so began the conversation that Steve would never had expected to happen. Erin explained what she wanted quickly and clearly, not wanting to waste time as Tony was taking her to the beach and she didn't want to separate Steve from Peggy for too long. While not the easiest of requests, Steve didn't find it unreasonable. Erin was just trying to help Tony after all.

"I promise I'll try my best to find what you're looking for." He vowed.

Once the conversation ended Steve headed back into Peggy's room. She was finished with lunch and was staring out of the window at a few birds drinking from a fountain outside. When Steve sat back down her head snapped in his direction and her eyes grew wide, glistening with tears.

"Steve? Is it really you?"

Steve ended up staying just over a fortnight in DC, spending every single hour he possibly could helping the nursing staff take care of Peggy. He ended up feeding her her meals, brushing her hair and reading to her when she got too tired to talk. The days when she did not recognise him or forgot that they had been reunited before broke his heart which is why he ended up leaving when he did. Steve couldn't take it anymore and instead of being weak and crying, he kissed Peggy goodbye and got on a plane back to New York knowing in his heart that it really was the best thing for the both of them.

You can only cling on to the past for so long.


	14. Part 1 Chapter 14

"I know it's late but I didn't know who else to go to." Steve admitted miserably.

Erin was quite surprised to see him standing on her doorstep so close to midnight with a suitcase in his hand and a lost puppy look that made her annoyance melt away. She'd only been home a day herself and was restocking the kitchen once again when she'd heard a knock at the door over her music.

"I didn't know if you'd return to New York." She said softly.

"This is my home." Steve reminded her. It had been for almost a hundred years.

"That doesn't mean you can't move. Peggy's in D.C. as is S.H.I.E.L.D. I figured you would take Fury up on his offer and join." Erin told him.

"They're not for me." Steve replied shortly. This was a conversation that shouldn't be held in a doorway and Erin recognised that.

"Come inside." She instructed him, moving out of the way so that he could wheel in his suitcase behind him.

Clearly Steve had come to her straight from the airport which was… sweet. At least that's what she thought it was. It was also a little sad that Steve had to run to the girl who wasn't sure how she felt for him when he was clearly distressed. Who else would he turn to though? Steve wasn't close with Bruce or Clint. Natasha wouldn't have time for him and Tony was working his way through what Erin was 90% sure was PTSD. That just left her.

"Thank you." Steve said though he was at a loss as to what to do with himself.

Gently Erin took the suitcase from him and left it in a convenient, out of the way place by the door before leading him to the kitchen.

"Would you like a cup of tea or coffee?" Erin asked, getting out two mugs.

"What are you having?" Steve asked, hovering in the doorway.

"Hot chocolate." As childish as it sounded, hot chocolate seemed like the perfect drink for that moment. It wasn't particularly cold but the idea of drinking liquid sunshine and melted marshmallows appealed to Erin.

"Can I have one too please?"

"So tell me about it." Erin ordered as she started heating the milk for their drinks.

"Tell you about what?" Steve asked densely.

"All about whatever's got you at my door at midnight." Erin elaborated.

"I just got back from D.C. and I wanted to see you." Steve confessed.

It was true. Once he'd reclaimed his motorcycle Steve found himself with an overwhelming desire to see Erin again. It was late and he knew he ought to have waited until the next morning to call on her but he wound up at Erin's apartment anyway. He was upset and had he thought about it there was no one else he would think to go to other than her.

"Is it because of Peggy?" Erin kept her tone light as she flitted about the kitchen preparing their drinks.

"Maybe," Steve was hesitant to talk about it. Erin was sensitive and he didn't want to make her feel like a second choice. The thing was, he had to open up to someone about it. "I knew it was going to be painful visiting her but I didn't realise it would be that bad."

"Then why did you go?" Erin paused to frown at him. She'd never taken Steve as a masochist.

"I owed her a dance." It seemed foolish to say it like that but it was the truth. He had felt a sense of duty, it was like he had to go and see her. He needed closure and wanted to know how her life had turned out. Now he was as satisfied as the given situation allowed him to be which meant he was ready to properly move on with life.

"How can I make it better?" Erin asked as she handed him a mug of hot chocolate that was topped with a mini mountain of melting marshmallows.

Steve didn't answer straight away. He couldn't tell if Erin was being sarcastic or not. There was a serious look on her face which made her seem sincere which caught him off his guard although he wasn't sure why. Erin had been nice to him before. She'd comforted Steve in that last interview when the stress of memories became too much and Erin had been the one to send him to Peggy. During the first half of their date she'd been wonderful – it wasn't entirely implausible for Erin to offer help. Wasn't that the entire reason that he was there? For her to make it better?

"I don't know," Steve admitted, bowing his head.

"It's a good thing I do." Erin was struck by a sudden thought that made her very proud of herself indeed.

Taking Steve's free hand, Erin led him into her bedroom. It wasn't particularly big or anything like Steve imagined. Blue-grey walls, a large double bed, some sleek black drawers, a closet and an entire wall of DVDs stacked around an unnecessarily big television. Steve stared in awe of it as Erin's visitors usually did.

As he was often working, Phil Coulson had hardly ever gone to the cinema. He was too busy or too tired to go out, thus the DVD collection had started. Erin had never known how extensive it was until she'd moved to New York. There were literally hundreds of titles there, most of which she had no interest in. Still, she'd added her own preferences to the wall and never thrown out any of her father's movies, even after he died. She couldn't bring herself too. As much as she hated him for how he treated her, Erin could never quite forget the times he'd show up at her aunt's with a new movie to watch on the itchy fabric sofa or when he'd return to the apartment after a mission and used a movie marathon as a way of enticing Erin to start talking to him again. She'd not had a movie marathon with him in over a year now, not since he met the cellist. It didn't matter anymore though. Erin was doing this for Steve, not herself.

"You spoke about having a list of cultural things people expect you to catch up on, right?" Erin asked, scanning through the titles.

"Star Wars." Steve replied without thinking.

"_Star Wars_." Erin repeated gleefully, pulling out the original movie from its case. "You and I are going to watch Star Wars and forget about the past for a while."

She turned to look at him, seeing if Steve had any protests but none passed his lips so she carried on setting up the DVD. Then she took her mug over to the bed, placed it on one of the side tables and relaxed, snuggling down under the covers. The nest from the last time Steve had visited was gone and the teddies were nowhere in sight. Steve hovered in the doorway. There was nowhere to sit other than the other side of the bed and he didn't feel comfortable with joining Erin. It wasn't that he didn't want to be close to her; in fact he'd have loved to have shared a bed with her. It was just that it felt unnatural to him. His early twentieth century manners and purity prevented him from joining her on his own.

"It's okay. I won't bite and I promise not to make any advances on you." Erin told him jokingly.

Well it ended up being true that she didn't make any advances although by the twenty minutes into the film Erin had somehow ended up asleep cradled in Steve's arms. He didn't mind one bit. In fact it was relaxing to have her close. He played with her hair absent-mindedly as he watched the action unfold on the screen and was careful not to wake her up when he took sips of his heavenly hot chocolate. The distraction of the movie was exactly what Steve needed that moment and Erin peacefully beside him made everything that little bit better.

In that moment Steve could imagine his future in which Erin fell asleep against him every night while they watched a film. Sometimes one of their children would crawl into bed with them and watch too. Sometimes all three of the children joined them. The room never changed in his daydream although Steve knew in reality if that future was to ever happen it would be in a place much different to this. He'd like to think that he and whoever he married would end up moving to the more suburban area of the state so that he could raise his children with a garden but who knew if that was even possible? Erin didn't seem like the type to want to get married. He shouldn't even have been thinking about the future like that anyway, she hadn't even agreed to go out with him!

Slightly sad again, Steve rewound the last ten minutes of the movie as he had run away with his mind and not paid attention to it properly. As the credits finally rolled, Erin sat up slowly and rubbed her eyes. As she stretched her legs a small squealing sound escaped, startling Steve mainly because her lips never parted. With a yawn and another rub of her eyes she turned to face Steve.

"I'm sorry about that. You should have prodded me awake or something." She apologised sleepily, shuffling away from Steve slightly so she could turn and face him properly.

"You looked so peaceful. I didn't want to disturb you." Steve shook his head.

There was an embarrassed silence as Erin looked down at her feet. She was still incredibly tired and couldn't really think of what to say. Instead she tried to fight back the childish blush she could feel rising to her cheeks. Erin was very self-conscious about having fallen asleep beside Steve. Usually she would have hidden this behind some kind of anger but there was nothing to get mad about and she was trying to be a better person which meant she shouldn't start an argument. It was difficult; she felt exposed as had seen her at this new level of vulnerability. He hadn't run away though or complained. He'd stayed which was a new experience for Erin. In fact, until she'd apologised there had been something natural about the situation. It was easy to be with Steve like this. Maybe other aspects of a relationship with him would also be easy. All she had to do was try.

"If you were tired why did you let me in?" Steve asked, breaking the silence.

"I'm trying to be better. After everything I've been saying to Tony about letting people in I couldn't turn you away. I may be a lot of things but I do try not to be a hypocrite." Erin admitted this only because there was no use in hiding the fact. That night she had done something out of the norm for her and both of them knew it. Over the past two weeks she had been helping Tony be open and honest to get past his troubles. Why could the same things helping him not help her?

"You don't need to be better." Steve said this because he felt rude commenting on how she essentially let him in to prove a point. He wasn't sure how to feel about the whole thing so he kept it simple.

"I do though. I need to be a better person because-" Erin stopped very suddenly in the middle of her sentence and turned away. Filled with a sudden urge, she scrambled off of the bed and darted from the room as quickly as she could.

Steve sat confused for less than a moment before stopping her. It was very clear that Erin was running away from something and it was a behaviour that drove him up the wall. She avoided her real feelings and he was desperate to know how she felt. He had an idea in his head now but how could he be sure if he was on the right track if she wasn't honest with him? He caught up with her in the living room and on impulse hooked around her waist, spinning her to face him. They were very close, faces inches away from each other. Both were incredibly warm and breathing heavily. The tension between them was thick enough to cut with a knife and they knew it. Erin knew it. She knew exactly where this entire scenario was headed and it scared her. She wanted to run away or to shout but Steve wouldn't let her stray from the path. Not now. Not when they were this close.

"Why do you need to become a better person?" He asked softly, taking great care not to come across as anything other than calm. One wrong move and it would be game over. If she rejected him this time Steve knew that he would not try to win her over again. A person can only be rejected so many times.

"Because I'm afraid you won't like me as I am. My father didn't. My ex-boyfriend, co-workers and peers didn't. People don't like me as I am so I must become better." Erin closed her eyes to restrain tears. Honesty hurts.

"Don't say that," Steve said darkly. He thought back to his life before he joined the army and could feel his heart break because he understood. "They chose me for the serum for reasons that made most people dislike me. I chose you because you're different and amazing. If people don't like you for that then it's their loss."

"That doesn't mean I shouldn't become nicer." Erin began to wobble slightly but Steve kept a firm arm around her. He wasn't about to let her fall.

"Become nicer because _you_ want to, not because others do." Steve told her firmly.

Erin opened her mouth and closed it again. When she used to hang out with people they were always trying to get her to change. Even her ex-boyfriend who had apparently loved her so much. After all of that and then a period of near agonising loneliness there was a man before her who didn't want her to change unless it was her choice.

_Steve might always change his mind though further down the line_, Erin thought bitterly to herself.  
_No, he wouldn't_. She tried to see reason, to remember exactly who he was: a kind, caring Christian man who fought for good. Doubt spoke out loud and clear though in her thoughts, making her rethink what she'd been about to say. Maybe it was best to stray off of the path and remain alone. She would never get hurt that way.

"Erin, let me in." Steve requested in that same soft voice he initially used.

"I want to try and be with you but I can't trust you not to hurt me." Erin breathed. She bowed her head because she didn't want him to see her crack. She didn't cry – she simply refused to – but she still wanted to. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears that she was not about to share with Captain America of all people.

Steve could tell she was hiding her face from him on purpose but he needed her to look in his eyes. Ever so gently he freed a hand and used it to raise her chin up to look at him.

"I will _never_ hurt you or let you get hurt again." He vowed.

There was an aching in Erin's chest that she didn't understand. Those were the words she had been dying to hear for all of her adult life so why did it make her heart throb more painfully than before? Tongue-tied, Erin knew that if her life had been a movie or a story that it would have been the perfect moment to kiss Steve but she couldn't. She could only hug him tight and marvel as the pain ebbed away. As cliché as it was, Steve was the cure she was looking for. He was someone to make her feel better even when he had initially made her feel worse.

"Okay then," She stood on tiptoes to murmur in his ear. "Please don't break my heart."

She pulled away to look at him properly but Steve followed and kissed her sweetly on the mouth. She was taken by surprise as he didn't seem like the forward type but she didn't push him away. She'd done more than enough of that. Now it was time to change her tune and take a leap of faith. Erin knew that she would probably end up alright. After all, Steve was strong and fast enough to catch her if it all went wrong.


	15. Part 1 Chapter 15

Steve had left soon after the kiss. After all, Erin had given her consent to date which therefore made it inappropriate to stay the night with her no matter how innocent her intent behind asking was. He drove home that night with a large grin on his face that didn't fade until a week after his first date with Erin.

Erin on the other hand felt extremely jittery and almost didn't go to the first date at all. She could throw herself into some situations no problem. Having thrown herself headfirst into a mission to Norway with little hesitation anyone might think that Erin would be able to throw herself into a new relationship with the same ease. Both situations were adventures after all but Erin was terrified about how things with Steve would end. She became very self-conscious and though she attempted to hide it well Steve could still tell she wasn't adjusting to the new situation well. It was the little things like smoothing her skirts or tucking hair behind her ear that gave it away to him that she was uncomfortable so he made sure that he would give her little reassuring compliments every time they went out. This started to help but it wasn't until Tony's intervention that Erin really got a grip.

With Steve's biography completed the team had arranged to meet with Fury in D.C. In the original plans Steve wasn't invited but he had arranged for Tony to meet a man he knew called Sam Wilson who would help Tony find someone to talk to about his near-death experience. On the plane Steve sat next to Erin and casually held her hand as he looked out of the window. Usually Erin would want to sit where he did but she felt so nervous that it was best if she was close to the toilets.

In an effort to distract herself Erin watched Tony and Pepper. She found it odd that they hardly ever sat side-by-side but directly across from one another instead. There was nothing wrong with it but it was very clear how they managed to differentiate their personal and private lives. As always Pepper was working, doing something for _Stark Industries_ while Tony was playing on a Gameboy of all things. He stopped though when he caught Erin staring and then looked at her hand.

"Erin, a word please?" Tony asked abruptly, placing his Gameboy down and standing up.

With a small squeeze, Erin let go of Steve and followed Tony over to the minibar. He opened a bottle of scotch and poured out two drinks, not bothering to ask who wanted the second one.

"Did you know," Tony began very calmly as he handed Erin the second glass. "One of the few truly wonderful things about the man whom we call Captain America is that he doesn't judge anybody by their appearance. If he wanted to date the prettiest person he knew Steve would have asked me out a very long time ago so stop this-" he mimed brushing his hair behind his ears. "-this-" he smoothed an imaginary skirt. "and this-" he checked his reflection in his watch. "Because he doesn't care. Steve looked past the grungy outer layer and a lot of the defensive, hostile inner layers to see the real you. Your appearance doesn't matter all of the time so relax and enjoy being with him because if you don't then it'll never work."

She was unsure why but Tony's words managed to get through to her in a way that no one else had. He hadn't complimented her and lied about how she looked like others once had. It wasn't just that though that made his words sink in. Maybe it had something to do with how absolutely right he was about the entire thing. It could have been that because Tony was similar to Erin it was easier to take his words to heart. It might have been how she viewed him as a father figure and wanted him to mean it though. At the end of the day it didn't really matter why Tony's mini speech worked. It just did.

When Erin returned to Steve's side she was a lot calmer and a lot more relaxed. Together they talked in low voices for the rest of the journey to Washington which was nice because once they settled into a rhythm it was just so easy to get lost in conversation. Steve immediately noticed the change in Erin and when he caught Tony's eye at a moment when she was distracted, Steve nodded silently in thanks. Tony nodded back and grinned to himself. He was getting good at this relationship stuff.

Erin had expected to be nervous as she and Tony headed down the very bright, very grey corridor towards Director Fury's office but she was surprisingly calm. This route was not unfamiliar to her and she had complete faith in their project. Fury was not a disagreeable man either which meant that as long as they stuck to the plan there was no need for her time and effort to have been wasted.

"Come in," Fury called before Erin had even raised her hand to knock on the door.

Tony led the way and Erin followed, switching her briefcase from one hand to the other. Fury sat at his desk in the far corner, feet up lazily on the desk, iconic leather trench coat and eye patch still in place despite the distinct heat that filled the room. He had in his hands a copy of the manuscript that Erin had thoughtfully sent ahead of them and from the looks of it he was just about finished reading the entire thing.

"It's a good read," Fury began, flipping the book closed and motioning for Tony and Erin to sit across from him. "But I have to ask: why bother?"

Tony and Erin sat, exchanged looks and silently decided this was one of the questions Tony could handle.

"People are in split minds about The Avengers. On the one hand, sure, we saved the world but on the other, we've created billions worth of damage to New York alone and S.H.I.E.L.D. isn't exactly helping rebuild the city. I mean, it's been nearly four months and very little progress has been made. It really is appalling. The Public may have ideas about the origins of us as their heroes but most of their so called 'knowledge' is a bunch of Chinese Whispers. Publishing these biographies dispels myths around us and gives the world a chance to get to know and like those who they claim to be their saviours. I mean look at Jesus."

"Tony, I don't think you can say that." Erin glared at him but kept the pleasant smile plastered to her face.

"Noted. Anyway, to conclude: people mind less if a beloved celebrity breaks their stuff than a stranger. I know, I've done it. These biographies are a way to endear the rest of the group to a grumbling public without subjecting them to countless interviews and acts of charity that could go badly." Tony carried on as though Erin had not interrupted.

"What about the profits? Where would they go?" Fury asked, carefully considering Tony.

"We thought it was best not to give any one individual or organisation the money." Tony grimaced.

"Instead we think the profits ought to be placed in some sort of fund that can be donated to any cities partially destroyed in Avengers-related incidents. So, for example, the profits from the first six months of this biographies could be donated to the city of New York for damages to public and private property. We have the detailed financial plans here." Erin popped open the briefcase and handed Nick a few sheets of paper stapled together bearing the details Tony and Pepper had worked out.

"The personal histories of agents Barton and Romanoff are classified. How would you deal with that?" Fury changed avenues, hoping to catch them off guard.

"Well we'd save their biographies to be written last. In this time we can come to a compromise with both S.H.I.E.L.D. and the agents in question to select the truths we release to the public. If that's not possible then their coverage in other biographies ought to endear them to the general population enough that separate biographies are no longer required." Tony responded quickly.

Over breakfast beforehand Tony and Erin had thought of answers for almost any curveball that might be thrown at them during the meeting. They'd put a great deal of thought into the project and weren't about to fumble at this last hurdle.

"And if an enemy decides to dispute the selective truths?" Clearly he wasn't letting them off that easy. Luckily Tony and Erin had already considered the potential effects of their work on S.H.I.E.L.D.

"It doesn't matter," Once, Erin might have felt a bit nervous being rude to her father's old boss and friend but this was the truth and Fury wasn't on her good side anyway. "People are going to call us out as liars from the beginning and there will be nothing we can do to change that. If the people are going to dispute then all your faceless enemy is is an additional voice to the crowd. Anyway, if an enemy wanted to attack the world's heroes, don't you think they'd come up with a better plan than ruining their reputation by disproving their _biographies_? Anyone who did that would be a pretty poor standard of villain and easily dealt with by S.H.I.E.L.D." Erin put forward an incredibly reasonable counter but Fury was already prepared with an appropriate response.

"Rumours destroy celebrity image all the time, let alone real world evidence. The Public-"

"Are already split in half and more are converting to the opposition every day now that the initial relief of surviving an alien invasion is over," Erin interrupted boldly. "People are angry, Director Fury. They are angry that they are having to pull money they don't have out of their backsides to pay for the damage your heroes caused while you sit here and twiddle your thumbs. Now I know we're not here to pay the blame game, we're here to fix things and I really believe that these biographies are the way to go here. After all, it's easier to forgive someone you think you know for destroying your home than a total stranger."

The S.H.I.E.L.D. director was silent for a while. He pressed his palms together like a man in prayer before his face, index fingers brushing his lips. There was a look of concentration on his face that Erin feared was just for show. She knew Fury, had spent time with him when she was young, but this was different. She'd never asked for anything from him, never pitched an idea to him and she didn't want to fail. Personal history might not have much influence over something like this but Erin decided to give it a shot.

"Wouldn't you rather it was us doing this for the benefit of others under S.H.I.E.L.D. guidance than some selfish, freelancer trying to make a quick buck?" Erin added.

This was something she really believed in, just like when she'd believed in romance when reuniting Jane and Thor. She may not have been the most eloquent or gripping of writers but Erin was passionate for the cause despite her initial reluctance. That fortnight in L.A. had really committed her as they worked out all the finer points and impacts of Steve's story. This was no longer just her having a job she didn't despise, it was helping others as well as herself. Of everyone on the planet, Erin knew she would be the most spirited writer to do the job and the most loyal to her friends' original stories. There couldn't be anyone better out there nor could there be a better reason to publish the book.

"I need to think about this. Come back tomorrow and we'll talk more." Fury dismissed them.

Erin could have thrown her chair at his face.

If she thought she had them, Erin would have quite happily taken the letter opener off the desk and gouged out his other eye. It wasn't just the waiting that made her this angry; that had just been her final straw. No, what she was really angry about was how, in spite of all of their history, Fury had never called Erin to tell her that her father had died.

_One winter, when Erin was six, her aunt had tripped over a box of shoes she had sworn were in the closet and fallen down a flight of stairs. With that insufferable woman in hospital and no one else to turn to Phil Coulson had no other choice but to bring his daughter over The States for a short time, just months after he had sent her away. As there was not telling when she would be able to return to her aunt's care, Phil stepped down from his field work and took a desk job in the New York HQ for the time being. Despite being in the middle of one of the defining cases of his career bad things tended to happen to Erin's baby-sitters (which was one of the reasons she was sent to England in the first place) so he had to put it all down and take her to work with him. Erin behaved their well enough. She would sit at the empty desk beside him and learn whatever she wanted to that day. Some days he would help her with numbers when she got stuck but most of the time Erin wrote stories to read to him during the cab ride home. After a week they had a nice little routine worked out and while Phil was glad to have her there, he couldn't help but wish Erin would be able to return to her new home soon so that he could go back out into the field. _

_Christmas had just passed when Director Fury himself came to collect Phil from his apartment for an incredibly important mission that they couldn't do without him. Erin had been 'helping' paint the kitchen at the time so the pair were covered in red paint when they answered the door. This seemed to alarm the neighbours across the hall but Fury was not fazed by this – he knew all too well what real blood looked like by this point in his life. Erin was too young to remember the words or even understand them but by the handshake she could tell a compromise was being made._

_The next day Fury took them both to the airport and they travelled to some exotic location that Erin had no clue existed. While her father was left to gear up with the rest of his team, Fury took Erin with him to the command centre which was a bunch of technological stuff crammed into an apartment above a seedy barber's shop. As he sat in the big chair before a multitude of screens with surveillance footage from various sources, Fury kept glancing over to Erin as she played on the floor beside him. Part of their deal had been that Fury would keep a personal eye on Erin while her father risked his life. Fury was the only man Phil trusted to keep his little girl safe._

"_Mobile units in position?" Fury checked, suddenly whipping his head around at the crash beside him. It was only the Lego bricks falling out of the box onto the lark pink mat that Fury had had his assistant run out and buy specifically for that moment. _

"_Yes sire. How is she?" Phil's response was riddled with static due to the long distance between his team and the base._

"_Your daughter is fine so stop your damned worrying and get your head in the game Coulson. We're counting on you." Fury tried to act as he would with any other agent but he understood. _

_Nobody thought Erin was paying any attention as she sat on the floor building her ice-castle out of blue and white bricks but the truth was that she was paying very close attention to her father's progress and was quite enjoying it, even when there were scary gun noises. An hour went by before Erin spoke. She hadn't planned to say anything but she couldn't stop her curiosity at something._

"_Mr Fury?" Erin got up and stood by the arm of the chair._

"_Yes sweetheart?" Fury responded. "No, not you Benson! I'm talking to Coulson's daughter."_

"_When is Captain America going to show up to help out?" Erin asked in that wonderful way that children did: with no hint of embarrassment or confusion._

_Fury was silent for a moment before responding. "He's not going to make it to this mission."_

_Erin nodded and went to resumed building her ice castle. Her father always made such a big deal out of Captain America. It would have been nice for them to go on a mission together, even if she would never hear the end of it. If only she could get him that for Christmas, a mission that is. Maybe then he wouldn't send her back to England. Sadly, that would never happen._

_Time passed again, more slowly than before. Erin finished her ice castle, a little man in blue stuck inside, and decided to try writing again. She couldn't concentrate though. She was all fidgety and everything felt wrong. She wanted her dad back now. He'd been gone a long while. Jumping up, Erin went and peered out the window because Fury was busy barking commands into his headset. She saw explosions in the distance which set her heart racing, but not nearly as much as the sight of the helicopter flying straight for them with missiles out._

"_Mr Fury!" She called, running over to him just as an alarm went off. Whatever security they had in place had evidently seen the chopper too._

_Nick Fury tried not to swear in front of children but he couldn't prevent himself this time. Taking Erin's hand he had led her out of the suddenly bustling room, into the basement, down a ladder into a panic room that Erin thought shouldn't really have been there. They were flocked by people: assistants, agents in suits and some in disguises that had been cutting one another's hair in the barber's below the operation. It was very dark and rather cramped but Erin said nothing. Not a peep out of her, not even when the entire world shook with the force of impact. It wasn't the first time she'd been hidden like this, nor would it be the last._

The majority of the missions Fury led didn't end like that at all to be fair and no matter what the scenario he kept her safe. Erin had viewed him as an uncle, someone she rarely saw but could trust completely. There was a connection between them that had been forged through the years but clearly that meant nothing the moment her father died.

"Miss Coulson," Fury called her back as she was about to walk out. "A moment please?"

Erin was ready to ignore him and follow Tony but her Stark stopped her and gave her a look which meant Erin knew that she ought to at least hear him out. Frustrated, Erin passed Tony the briefcase and nodded when he told her he'd wait for her in the car. Then, when he was gone, she shut the door and turned to face Fury, not moving any closer.

"How are you doing?" He asked, taking his feet off the desk and leaning forward, grimace on his face.

"I'm fine. I'm always fine." Erin replied shortly. She wanted to go meet Steve for lunch.

"Are you sure? I know loss can be hard, especially on a young woman as yourself." Fury doubted her. He rarely did which let Erin know that not only was he seriously concerned. How nice.

"He was like a ghost to me at the end anyway. I hadn't seen him in a year, no thanks to you, so nothing has changed. Life goes on and I'm busy." Erin made to leave but he spoke again and she thought better of it.

"Who are you really angry at?" Well he definitely knew the right questions to ask.

"All of us. Me, for not mourning him. Him, for not being there for me and then dying. You, for calling his freaking _girlfriend_ to tell her he was gone but not me." Erin tried to keep her composure but it was difficult. He had betrayed her.

"No one called you?" Fury sounded disbelieving but it was true.

"No. I had to find out via a passing comment from Agent Romanoff. Audrey called me a few weeks later and left a message but I didn't call her back." Erin had never admitted the latter to anyone, not even Tony. She resented Audrey for stealing Phil from her and had no interest in anything to do with that woman.

Fury didn't say anything straight away which was fine by Erin. She was done. Before he could say another word Erin was out of the door, walking briskly to the stairs because elevators were too slow. In the parking lot Steve was there. He had decided to be there for when Erin got out of the meeting to share her success but she hadn't known. Erin was just grateful he was there as she ran straight into his arms and tried not to cry. Maybe she wasn't as indifferent to her father's death as she thought.


	16. Part 1 Chapter 16

The afternoon after the meeting with Fury Erin found herself all alone in her hotel room. Pepper was working as always and Steve had taken Tony to meet Sam. Her boyfriend had offered to stay behind with her but Erin knew that Tony needed Steve more and urged them to go out without her. She could have joined them but she didn't feel like going out. There was a huge weight on her shoulders that seemed to repel all other human beings at that moment which was fine. Erin thought she knew how to solve it.

The bathroom in this hotel was lovely. Russet and tan mosaic tiles covered the walls whilst great off-white slabs covered the floor. It was a spacious room considering how little was in it. The ceramic hand basin with the oval mirrored cupboard above it, the toilet and the shower were all that was included but it was enough and stylish to boot. Erin loved the shower more than anything else in D.C. It was a corner piece with a curved glass door. Water poured from the ceiling like rain and there were even two white plastic benches attached to the wall beneath the soap racks for her to sit in while she shaved her legs. The shower was not only bliss but a place for Erin to get lost in her thoughts. It was a place where she could drown in her memories.

"_Dad, I'm eighteen now. Your boss doesn't need to baby-sit me while you go on missions anymore!" Erin pointed out, clearly frustrated as she chased her father through the rows of armoured vehicles and crowds of infiltration squads. _

"_Now is not the time for an argument Erin. Go back to the van and we'll talk about it later," Phil replied shortly. "We finally have her surrounded in that building and I will not be the one responsible for letter her escape again."_

"_It I wait until later you'll find another excuse not to-" Erin began but her father cut her off._

"_Erin, enough!" He shouted, silencing her._

_Tears welled in Erin's eyes as she stepped away from him to glare. She didn't care that he had shouted – there were worse things he could have done – she didn't mind him working in the field or the self-defence lessons from Fury or the constant moaning to join the Academy so she could become part of S.H.I.E.L.D. What she cared about was how he never had the time for her and wouldn't listen to what she had to say. What she cared about was that he had no time for her opinions and that after eighteen years he was still dragging her into the shit that made him send her away to England in the first place! The deal was meant to be that Erin left England to live with him in New York. The dusty, filthy warehouse surrounded by jungle they were currently in was definitely not New York and so not where she wanted to be. Phil hadn't taken Erin home in about five months now. He was working a huge case tracking down the leader of a group of international terrorists which meant Erin was to be dragged across the globe in their wake. _

_As her father clearly had no time for Erin or her needs as a young adult she stormed off away from the masses and sat with her back to the warehouse on the roof of one of the cars with her headphones in. One of the things she hated most about being dragged about with her father was that there was nothing for her to do. She was never in one place long enough to make any friends so there was no one to talk to. She had never been an artistic person and portable games devices always ran out of battery and were too much hassle to charge because of changing plug sockets and what not. All that left to Erin was learning, reading and writing, all of which made your brain hurt when you did them for too long. Still, Erin found herself writing as the tuneful screams of Slipknot filled her ears (she was going through a phase). _

_This meant that Erin was oblivious as the cargo entrance to the warehouse swung open._

_The agents all stopped, repositioning their guns and stared into the darkness as they waited. It would have made sense for them to move first but as they had been taken by surprise defence was their only option. Everything was still and quiet except for the faint sounds of Erin's music. A young woman made a move to get Erin to turn it off but she'd hardly stretched out a hand when creatures came bursting forth from the darkness and pounced on the waiting agents. _

_Large feral Rottweilers with three heads bounded through the crowds, ramming people to the floor and chomping at them with pointed, saliva-covered teeth that left the wound stinging and oozing. Gargantuan men in dungarees barrelled into people, swinging their massive elbows to flip humans and cars over alike with the ease of flipping a coin. Small, slender women with brightly coloured cloths wrapped around their faces and bodies used whips and threw sharp pointed bits of metal with such speed and precision as the fabled ninjas. _

_The reverberations and the sounds of the slaughter were enough to get Erin to take off her headphones. She watched for less than a second and the horror behind her before she scrambled off of the top of the car and began to run for all her life was worth, music and notebook forgotten behind her. She had been conditioned well to respond to unexpected threats. Erin would be no use in a fight so she got out of the way to avoid becoming a problem. She would have done this time except for the huge dog that floored her only seconds after moving from her previous position. _

_Erin tried to roll but the beast was heavy and pinned her to the floor. In vain she attempted to scramble to her feet but the dog snarled, spraying spit in her face so she remained still. The dog considered her a moment with clouded brown eyes and then leapt off of her. Erin darted to her feet but the dog leapt and grabbed the collar of her shirt in the teeth of its middle head and slammed her back to the floor. Erin yelped as pain shot up her back but did not whimper as the dog took her sleeves in its other two mouths and began to drag Erin back into the throng. _

_She did not scream or cry at the attack – she had never been one to do that, even as a little girl – because there was no use drawing attention to herself, particularly when the massacre around her was hauntingly loud. Quietly she tried to struggle against her captor and managed rip one arm free of its jaws but the beast was too fast for her. It sank its razor sharp canines into her flesh and pulled like that. Erin cried out in pain as she witnessed blood well up around the wound, staining the dog's teeth red. Tears now flowed freely down her cheeks as her arm felt like it was being ripped in half. _

_Before she knew it, Erin was dumped at the feet of the woman they had been chasing all this time: Stheno. _

_Erin had never seen anything more than mug shots of this woman and therefore was unprepared for the sight. Towering above her, this slender woman was clearly fierce. Covered in light coloured leather, Stheno stared down at Erin with piercing red eyes and offered the girl a brass-coloured hand. Her red hair was flowing free around her, writhing it seemed though there was no wind to make it move. She had a haughty face and the defined air of someone with complete control over her forces and very little care for the consequences of her actions. She might have been beautiful but the sun blazing behind her head made it difficult to judge. _

"_Oh no no my beauty," Stheno cooed as a tendril of her hair slithered down her body and presented itself to Erin. It was a ruby red snake that entwined itself around Erin's throat when she did not accept the hand and dragged Erin to her feet. "Don't cry. We mustn't let the men view us as weak."_

_Stheno trailed a disgustingly long terracotta talon in the wake of one of Erin's ears. Rattles and hisses swelled in both women's ears as Stheno's hair writhed and slithered around the villain's head. Another snake slid out from among the entangled swarm down the back of Stheno's neck and snapped its venomous jaws very close to Erin's ear, causing her to flinch._

"_I won't hurt you my love unless I have to. You do not resist me which is good. I can see the fight locked away behind your eyes and the smarts. Such an obedient little girl but don't worry. When we march out of here I shall set you free and transform you into a great warrior like my other girls." Stheno promised in a silky voice as she made a sweeping gesture to the women battling for her before them. _

_Her words had a reassuring, almost hypnotic quality to them to which Erin may have submitted too had it not been for a poorly timed cadet who had freed himself of his attacker and came bounding up behind Stheno in a feeble attempt to rescue Erin. He hadn't even raised his gun fully when three snakes shot out behind Stheno quick as lightning bolts. One bound his arms to his torso as the others coiled around his neck and temple respectively. The topmost snake tensed itself and forced the cadet to tilt his head and expose his neck. All Erin could do was watch in horror as all three snakes simultaneously sunk their poisonous fangs into the cadet's flesh before releasing him. The boy dropped like a stone to the floor, convulsing dangerously for a few moments before going completely still. _

_Stheno had killed him without even looking._

"_What makes you think I'm going anywhere with you?" Erin tried to sound brave as she made a stand but her voice was no more than a choked splutter as the snake around her own neck crushed her windpipe, ruining the effect._

"_This," Stheno leered at her before covering Erin's ear with her hands and bellowing "ENOUGH!"_

_As Stheno removed her hands Erin was spun to face the carnage before her. Less than a third of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s men and women were still on their feet. Most were bruised and bleeding, mainly using the overturned vehicles to support themselves as they aimed guns at their assailants. Hastily Erin searched their faces, trying to locate Phil but he was nowhere to be seen. Fear flooded through Erin. She wasn't ready to be an orphan yet. _

_Heartbeat escalating, Erin tried to see if he was on the floor. Maybe he was playing dead as she was sure at least a handful of the bodies at their feet were but she couldn't see him. Desperately she looked around for some sort of clue as to his whereabouts but there was nothing among the sea of gore. There was no one to reassure her that it was all going to be okay. There was only Stheno and her slacking grip around Erin's neck which was terrifying._

"_You will let me leave unharmed or the girl gets it!" Stheno threated in her loudest, most authoritative voice. To show she meant business she took a fitful of Erin's hair and yanked her victim's head to the side, exposing her neck and the snake poised to bite._

_Nobody moved or spoke but something caught Erin's teary eyes on the floor. A small flash of gold on the wheel of a car. It disappeared and came back three times which meant that it had to be a signal. Not just any signal but one that May had been using since the Magnetic Man at the fair. Erin slowly slid her hands into her pockets and found of all things a nail file which would do just nicely. Fury had taught Erin many things and using everyday items as weapons was luckily one of them._

_In two quick motions Erin severed the snake from Stheno and head-butted her captor to send her staggering away before hitting the deck. Erin cried out in pain as a large chuck of hair was ripped out of her skull but the noise was drowned out but the echoing cracks of two guns being fired. Blood spattered Erin's back but she didn't flinch. She'd been covered in worse. In fact Erin didn't move a muscle until May's warm hand was on her shoulder and she could hear the closest thing she'd had to a mother tell her it was all over._

Erin was trembling as she emerged from the bathroom and not just from the sudden rush of cold air. She had planned to relax, to let the water wash away the bad memories but instead they clung on to her skin and haunted her conscious mind. Letting herself become immersed in the past had only made collecting herself in the present more difficult. Putting on her pyjamas, Erin curled up in her bed with headphones on in an attempt to drown out the flashbacks. It was a method that worked well, too well in fact as Erin quickly nodded off into a dreamless sleep in the luxurious comfort of the hotel bed.

The next thing Erin knew there was a frantic knocking on her door. Her phone had become unplugged from the headphones as she'd fidgeted in her sleep so she could hear the urgency in the man's voice calling through to her loud and clear. Immediately alarmed, Erin leapt out of bed and stumbled over to the door. The knocking stopped as she scrabbled with the locks that her numb fingers did not seem to want to open. Finally victorious, Erin flung the door open and revealed Steve standing there.

"What's wrong?" She croaked then coughed to clear her throat.

"You weren't answering your pone and no one had seen you for hours," Steve replied, concern clear all over his face. "I was beginning to get worried."

Relieved and admittedly somewhat irked that it was nothing serious, Erin was overcome with a wave of dizziness. Her world went fuzzy and spun slightly while her legs buckled from where she'd gotten up so quickly. She stumbled back and probably would have fallen to the floor if Steve hadn't caught her and lowered her into a sitting position.

"Sorry," She apologised vaguely, clutching her head. "I was sleeping."

"I take it that means you don't want to go out to dinner?" Steve assumed. He remained as close to Erin as he could while still giving her room to breathe. Being near was a comfort to them both.

"I'm sorry." Erin repeated with a small frown. She didn't want to ruin any date plans but she was exhausted and still emotionally drained from the memories and Fury's behaviour. Sleep had not helped her as much as it could have.

"Don't be. I'm sorry. I should have stayed." Steve shook his head.

Erin knew that they could spend the next few hours disagreeing on who ought to be sorry or not but recognised that starting that argument would be pointless. All she really wanted to do was to go back to sleep or at least be alone for a while in any case but would Steve let her? Not that he had any control over her actions but still he might protest. It would have been rude to send him away though and maybe his being there would help her somehow. She was already feeling a little better while he was crouching in front of her. With an inaudible sigh, Erin tilted her head to the left slightly.

"Want to watch a film and order room service?" She actually liked the sound of that. It was a compromise that meant they still had dinner but enabled Erin to fall asleep if she felt the need to.

"Sounds like a plan." Steve agreed with a warm smile.

He reached out to haul her up but Erin grabbed his hands and held her ground for a moment. She looked at him, really looked at him for the first time in what felt like forever. She took in his strong jawline, crystal blue eyes and soft, kind mouth. He was so handsome and Erin was overcome by the sense that he was too good for her, not for the first time either. What was she doing by being with him? Trying to become a better person? That was something you did on your own terms, alone. Making her father proud? He was dead so any attempt to make him proud was pointless. Banishing her loneliness? There were other ways to do that with family and friends.

"Our relationship doesn't make sense." Erin blurted out, taking Steve by surprise.

"No, it doesn't." Steve chuckled and looked down at his hands before looking at Erin. There was a shine to his eyes that appeared to her like an attempt to veil the nerves crashing through him. She knew what it was that he feared but she couldn't help herself. She had to ask.

"Then why does it exist?" Erin asked, passive-aggressive disbelief pouring out of her. "Why were you so persistent in dating me? I mean, I was _horrid_ to you right from the start and I just kept pushing and pushing you away from me."

Steve was silent for a moment, contemplating his answer before he actually spoke.

"When I was living in New York the first time and was trying so hard to get into the army I ended up going all across multiple states to more registration centres than I can remember despite being rejected each and every single time because I wanted to fight for something worthwhile. The first time I saw you, before you'd even spoken a word I saw that same determination in you as you barrelled down the sidewalk with Jane in tow. I could tell that if you had missed Thor at that moment then you would never have stopped searching until you had found some sort of way to transport Jane to Asgard yourself. We both have that same passion and dedication to our causes and that's a quality I want in the person I spend the rest of my life with. That commitment is what makes marriages work and I've seen it in you twice now, first with Jane and then with completing the book. Yes, we're still very different and on the surface our match doesn't make any sense but nothing is ever as it seems. No matter what we do, where we go or how restrained I am, my feelings for you are very real and will keep on growing over time, whether they make sense or not."

Somehow, Steve had managed to say exactly what Erin needed to hear.

Life doesn't make sense. Things happen and emotions are felt. Steve was a cause Erin could commit to, in fact he was the best cause Erin could commit to. The embrace that followed washed away all of her doubts and bad memories. It proved to Erin that it was okay to let people in, that it made things better. Erin knew however that the bitterness would return as the past would too but in the now she was smiling, drowsiness vaporised, as Steve ordered their dinner on the plastic hotel phone while she found the first Harry Potter movie on Pay-Per-View.

After that initial draining day, Erin's time in D.C. became a lot more enjoyable and practically flew by. The following day Tony returned to S.H.I.E.L.D. without Erin at her own request and received permission to write the rest of the biographies exactly as they had planned. The celebratory dinner had definitely been a night to remember, if only for how much it ended up costing. The afternoon after, when she and Tony had recovered from their handovers under the excellent nursing skills of Captain Rogers, Erin was all ready to return to New York but it wasn't to be. Tony had found someone, a young man who had nearly died just like he had.

J.D. Hathaway, 35, had been a pilot for the US Air Force since he left High School. He'd come close to death many times throughout his service but the most recent time had induced such trauma that he'd been made to leave his position. It had taken a lot of therapy before he had been able to walk alone without shaking and nearly a year later he was still haunted daily by the sounds of his bursting air tank and the five minutes in which he had been clinically dead.

Tony found himself really able to connect to J.D. just from the simple shared event of falling from the sky. Sometimes though Tony needed a familiar face present for unspoken support because it was a difficult thing, opening up to a stranger about something so terrifying and personal. Steve was always with Tony though he would usually talk to Sam in the doorway unless his friend was leading a meeting. Erin went tooo but she mostly stayed quiet, either listening to Tony when he needed her or standing by Steve as he spoke to his friend. Erin felt like she didn't really belong in the soldier's world but she recognised and respected the broken souls around her. She liked to observe them interacting, to see how they were now changed by the violence of their past. Each and every man and woman Erin saw had suffered at least ten times more than she had yet they were stronger than her and more at peace in one way or another. She admired that.

When Erin was with Steve and Tony she remained in the hotel, writing on her laptop in either the bar or her room, depending on how she felt. Sometimes her room was too quiet so the noise of others in the bar helped her relax and not crumple under the weight of her own thoughts. Sometimes it was the other way around though. Steve respected the re-inspired writing frenzy Erin was experiencing. When he returned from his days out he would often sit with her while she wrote, reading a book of some sort in silence. He rarely asked questions and kept all distractions to a minimum which she really appreciated. His presence made the silence more companionable and sometimes she just couldn't resist pausing to lean over for a kiss. Steve was more than patient with her which was why she didn't mind so much when he asked her to take a break.

They were with Tony on the private jet back to New York where the billionaire was to meet Bruce before re-joining Pepper who had already flown back out to L.A. Erin had been lost in her work while the men chatted away like the good friends they'd become. Everything was fine until Tony got up to go to the bathroom. Once they were alone, Steve placed a hand on Erin's shoulder.

"Could you maybe interact with us for a while please? I know you're inspired right now but we'd appreciate your attention for a while." Steve requested kindly.

"Yes _gramps_." Erin joked as she saved her work and shut down the silver lid.

"I was going to kiss you as a thank you but you had to ruin the moment." Steve teased back as he took the laptop from her and kissed Erin anyway.

"Aww, you two make me want to vomit," Tony said sarcastically as he returned from the toilet. "I liked it better when she hated you." He winked at them and sat down.

The rest of the flight passed in a series of friendly banters and sarcastic exchanges about one another's relationships. Both Erin and Tony were on fire as the burn count tallied incredibly high. Because they were laughing time seemed to just fly by and before they knew it the trio had landed safely on the tarmac at JFK.

Tony was the first to stand after they touched down. He stretched, clicking his back and sighed contentedly.

"Ah, sweet ground."

**BANG!**

The door exploded off of its hinges and the entire plane rocked violently as smoke billowed into the cabin. Tony toppled backward onto the floor as the oddest band of black-clad figures infiltrated the plane.


	17. Part 1 Chapter 17

**BANG!**

The door exploded off of its hinges and the entire plane rocked violently as smoke billowed into the cabin. Tony toppled backward onto the floor as the oddest band of black-clad figures infiltrated the plane.

There were five of them: First came two hulking men with stomachs and heads so large and round that it was a wonder they were able to squeeze through the plane doors at all. With arms thick as tree trunks these thugs began to swing in front of them sending blasts of air to whip the back of their victim's heads. They were closely followed by two very different women. The smallest was sickly thin and darted about with a distinct lack of grace and speed as she threw a seemingly endless supply of shurikens around the tanks that preceded her. The other woman was large in comparison, the black material highlighting her pear-shaped body. Her movements flowed with more elegance than her companion making her nicer to watch. In her hands she held a long metal chain on the end of which a snarling black Labrador foamed at the mouth as his mistress restrained him.

"Under the seats!" Tony shouted, darting back towards another set as Steve grabbed Erin around the shoulder and pulled her to the floor, shielding her body with his.

Erin fumbled under the seats for a moment before feeling a smooth metal object strapped underneath. With a small tug she had pulled out a small silver handgun.

"What the hell Tony?" Erin yelled as the two giants began to throw parts of the plane they had torn up with just their meaty fists.

"Not now! Steve's shield is in the cargo compartment. The switch is in there." He jerked his thumb towards the pilots' cabin before ducking as a side table was thrown at his head.

"Erin, go-" Steve was cut off as he was knocked aside with a great _whoosh_.

Erin bit her lip and scrambled forward into the cockpit. She kicked the door closed behind her and bit back a yell as something large crashed into it, almost sending her flying forwards. Erin desperately felt about for a lock as she surveyed the empty cabin. Where were the pilots to help her? As she was starting to give up hope her hand found the dial. Twisting it clockwise she heard the life-saving click and staggered forward to the control panel.

As she frantically searched for the correct button a breeze flicked her hair in front of her eyes. Erin glanced over to see that the emergency exit was hanging open. At least that explained the absence of the pilots. After a few agonisingly long moments of searching Erin found the right button and pressed it in a very undramatic fashion.

Over the thuds and grunts of the fighting Erin could hear the whir and crashes of the cargo area lowering to the floor causing all their suitcases to tumble out onto the asphalt. Unable to restrain herself, Erin hung out of the emergency exit and watched Steve as the two giants thundered after him around the exterior of the plane. The beasts were fast despite their gargantuan stature and the excess pounds of flesh that ought to have slowed them down. Steve was faster though and managed to dive into the pile of luggage to fetch his shield before they could register his change of course. One of the brutes saw though and went barrelling straight into the pile, seemingly as he forgot to slow down, and sent Steve flying. Twisting in mid-air Steve curled up as small as he could in the dip of his shield, waiting until it had come to a stop from skidding across the blacktop before returning to the plane.

The sparks created by the friction between shield and asphalt startled Erin. Foolishly she cried out, gaining the attention of the thugs as they charged towards Steve. Their heads snapped in her direction and Erin nearly toppled out of her precarious perch in shock. Each of the men only had a single eye. The other had flesh stitched over it in some gruesomely shabby patchwork with large thick thread.

"Lock yourself inside!" Steve shouted at her as he pelted towards the monsters.

He hurled his shield at the Cyclopes just as Erin raised her gun and fired two shots. The first bullet missed while the second buried itself into the mounds of flesh on the monster's shoulder. The Cyclops howled in pain and charged at Erin while the other thundered towards Steve. Erin quickly ducked inside, slamming the door milliseconds before the brute hurled his fist at her, creating a crater in the metal.

Unable to just sit by and do nothing, Erin felt her pockets for her phone thinking that she could call Bruce or the police but she couldn't find it. Before she could think of another thing to do something large slammed against the door from the cabin causing Erin to freeze. There was silence then **BASH!** It happened again.

Slowly and steadily, Erin raised her gun and pointed it at the door.

**BASH!**

The door was beginning to cave in. There was a scrabbling around the frame followed by silence. Erin could see a shadow moving around and large clawed paws scratching at the indents. The dog was coming for her.

**BASH!**

Erin glanced towards the exit and saw a faded blue eye leering through the glass. She was trapped.

**BASH!**

She could see light through the dents around the frame now which had become much larger. How many more hits could her hiding place stand?

Only one.

**BOOM!**

Erin rolled out of the way just in time as the door exploded forward into the control panel which lit and hummed in a sudden frenzy.

The Labrador paused in the doorway sniffing the air as smoke billowed from its open mouth. Erin raised her gun but couldn't shoot from her position curled in the corner. As the smoke wafted away there was a sickly squelching noise followed by the sound of tearing flesh. Erin gagged as two more heads peeled away from the Labrador's neck. Sticky clear gunk slicked back the jet black fur and it flew off right into Erin's face as the dog shook.

As she wiped it off with one hand Erin groaned in disgust. All three heads snapped towards her and the beast began to growl. Without hesitation this time Erin raised her gun and fired. Once again her first bullet missed its target but the second tunnelled through the eye of the leftmost head and shattered inside its brain sending fragments of shrapnel to shred the interior tissue. The head slumped to the floor, dead within the second. The dog whined but ceased the moment Erin misfired another bullet. She was aiming too far left. Eyes glowing an unnatural red, the dog lunged for Erin's throat but she shot once more killing the right head. The knockback and pain weren't enough to slowdown the creature for long though. Before it could try to pounce again Erin dived at it. Gripping the muzzle closed tight with her left hand she shoved the gun into its ear and fired.

The shot rung in her ear and Erin stumbled back disoriented. There were shouts from the main cabin but they sounded so distant. Erin knew Tony was in trouble though so she shook her head in a feeble attempt to banish the ringing before staggering forwards.

The cabin was a mess. Holes had been punched through the walls and shurikens were lodged in between them. Everything had been ripped off its original holdings and cast aside. Somehow the women had managed to back Tony into a corner where the small woman tauntingly threw knives at him now, trying to curve them round the leather-clad chair he used as a shield.

"Cover me while I get my suit!" Tony hollered. He was better with his armour than without it and would stand more of a chance.

Not needing to be told twice Erin raised her gun and fired. The bullet nicked the short woman's throwing arm inches about where Erin had aimed for. It was enough to earn a shriek of pain and the undivided attention of both women. The small one threw a knife at Erin but her wound made the throw sloppy and easier to dodge. As she moved Erin stepped into the path of the larger woman's metal chain which lashed her cheek. Erin felt the left half of her face go red hot as blood welled to the surface. She didn't make a sound though, instead raising her gun and firing three times. The larger woman managed to duck and dive gracefully, dodging all the bullets before snapping the chain at Erin. The recoil hit her partner's back as she scrambled about yanking her weapons out of the walls and furniture.

The yelp from the smaller woman was the distraction the other one needed to whip the gun from Erin's hand. As she lashed out a second time the metal coiled around Erin's with and with a small tug she had face-planted the floor. Understanding she was running out of time, Erin did the first thing that came to her mind. Leaping up she darted around the larger woman and kicked the smaller one with all her might in the head. The small one shrieked again and dropped her collected weapons. The larger one tried to tug Erin backwards but she was expecting it. With all the strength she could muster Erin surged forwards to complete her circuit. Once she was behind the larger woman once more Erin wrapped the chain around her hands and pulled so it shot up and tightened around the larger woman's throat.

A triumphant sound from the floor made Erin throw herself around, spinning her meat shield just in time for a sickening sound as the blade the smaller woman threw lodged itself into the larger woman's forehead. Erin tugged herself free as the chain plummeted to the floor along with the dead woman.

Unarmed and undefended, Erin spotted her gun gleaming on the floor at the same time as her opponent. In unison they dived for it, the smaller woman throwing a knife that narrowly missed Erin's face and slit the top of her ear. Erin's hand just missed the handle of the pistol allowing her attacker to snatch the gun up and point it at her. Erin tried to run away but as she leapt up a shot fired and gravity slammed her to the floor. Instead Erin lunged forward, hoping to wrestle the gun off the other woman, when metal clunking approached and she was thrown back against the wall by an armoured hand.

"Sorry Coulson," Tony apologised as Erin hit her head. His voice was slightly muffled through the helmet but that was no matter. He bent over the woman and picked her up by the scruff of her neck. "Just taking out the trash."

Iron Man dragged the squirming woman over to the blown off door and threw her face first down onto the asphalt. Like Steve she skidded to a stop but unlike the super soldier she left a trail of skin and blood in her wake.

"I'll be back in a…" His voice died as he turned to look at Erin as she struggled to stand. "Oh no."

His mask slid up and Tony dropped to his knees beside Erin.

"Sit down and don't move." He ordered her, putting his hands on her shoulders to force her down when she didn't instantly comply.

"Ow! We've got to help Steve! Stop it!" Erin protested.

"Erin, you've been shot." Tony told her gravely, looking around for something to use to apply pressure to the wound. There was nothing close by and the stain on Erin's jean leg was growing steadily larger.

"I don't feel anything. I'm fine." Erin insisted. She tried to push him off but failed.

"Adrenaline." Tony explained in a single word.

Pushing Erin back down again, Tony got up and went over to the door.

"Erin's been hit!" he called to Steve.

Steve Rogers went extremely pale. Punching one of the Cyclopes on the jaw he ran as fast as he could back up and into the plane. Knowing Steve would have it all under control Iron Man put down his mask and leapt outside to keep the monsters away from the plane.

With a single panicked look Steve assessed Erin who was still trying to stand.

"I'm fine." She repeated but Steve didn't hear.

In one swift movement he had torn his button-up shirt off and pressed it down over the blood fountain on Erin's leg. The sudden pressure caused her to scream out in pain but Steve couldn't do anything other than try to stem the flow. There was no telling how severe the damage was yet and he feared the worst.

"We're going to have to get you to the hospital." Steve told her as he dug in his pockets with one hand to search for his cell phone.

"NO!" Erin shrieked. She tried to crawl away but Steve quickly stopped his search to restrain her.

"Erin, we have to!" Steve insisted. He couldn't understand her resistance. It was the only way to heal her.

"Anywhere but there! Please!" Erin begged. She struggled which didn't make Steve's task any easier. In the end he had to pin her body down as best he could under his so he could keep her still whilst apply pressure to the wound.

"Erin, Erin look at me," Steve told her steadily. Using his free arm he locked her head so that she looked up at him instead of thrashing about. "I will not let anything happen to you while you're at the hospital. I promise but you need to trust me when I say you have to go there."

"NO!" Erin fought him. IF she kept moving she'd lose too much blood.

"Tony!" Steve bellowed, still struggling to restrain Erin. "Help!"

"Just a second!" Tony shouted back as he flew past the door pursued by only one Cyclops now.

"Tony we're going to lose her!" Steve yelled frantically.

Cursing, Tony stopped mid-air and shot a small missile that exploded right at the Cyclops' feet. He didn't stick around to see the damage he'd caused but flew straight to Steve who was having a hard time keeping Erin still despite his super strength.

"She'd panicking about going to the hospital," Steve told him over one of Erin's terrified shouts. "She'll lose too much blood like this."

"Way ahead of you," Tony landed by Erin's head. "Sorry."

Before Steve could argue Tony took Erin's face in his hands and with a single swift nod of his head she was unconscious on the floor.


	18. Part 1 Chapter 18

Three women sat crowded around a single small television in a very dark room. Wither, decaying flowers lay discarded next to a camera the size of a bottle cap that was plugged into the laptop before them with a single thick black wire. Somewhere near their feet a large golden Labrador snoozed, all three heads perfectly, eerily in sync. The women did not notice though. The dog was blanketed in shadow and they were rapt with attention at the footage they were just beginning to play on the silver framed screen before them, hoping to catch real words over the static sound.

Through a small gap in some lavender petals Steve Rogers was just visible. He sat on a swivel office chair with his head in his hands in what clearly had recently been an office from the looks of desk pushed up against the wall by the door (or at least recently in terms of the footage which was from nearly a week previously). A simple bed had been placed in the center of the room however and the abnormally pale, violet-haired girl in it was hooked up to various monitors and drips. It was difficult to see her properly as flowers blocked their view but it was hardly an issue. They were certain she was the one they were searching for. She looked just like her. Still, foolishly, the women leaned in attentively as she stirred.

"Erin?" Steve asked softly, voice full of hope.

"I don't want to wake up yet. Five more minutes." Erin groaned.

At her words Steve chuckled and sighed in relief. Part of him wanted Erin to wake up; he wanted to talk to her properly this time but Steve was a patient man. Much to the disappointment of the women watching he said nothing more. Instead he silently reflected on the past twenty-four hours once more. He couldn't help himself. He kept searching for how he could have done things differently, how he could have been better. He should have done more. He could have fought harder.

Waiting for the ambulance ought to have been the worst part. Tony had been smart in knocking Erin out as they were able to stabilize her leg wound more easily but Steve couldn't stop worrying that Erin would suffer some sort of head trauma because of it. She would certainly have a bruise left by Tony's iron helmet. Under any other circumstances Steve would have scolded Tony at the very least for hurting Erin or they might have discussed Erin's phobia of hospitals but the two remained silent as they waited in front of the smouldering wreck of the plane for help.

Steve didn't ask where they were going or how long it would take. He was unable to do anything than hold Erin's hand and stare at her. She wouldn't die, he was sure of that. He'd seen soldiers survive worse in the war and Erin was a fighter, not to mention the wonders of modern medicine. All she needed was a blood transfusion and a stich up and she'd be right as rain. That didn't stop him worrying though. It didn't put Tony's mind at rest either however he dealt with his anxiety by questioning the medics and absorbing every detail they said.

Up until the arrival at the hospital it had been plain sailing. Then the staff of the Jamaica Hospital Medical Centre got involved, engaging Steve and Tony in a very different kind of battle. As neither Steve nor Tony were blood relatives, engaged to or the spouse of Erin they weren't permitted to accompany her to the x-rays or surgery nor were they allowed to see her once she was released.

"She's an orphan with no siblings! We are all she has!" Tony yelled at a very stubborn greying nurse who had treated them with discourteous manner since the moment they began to resist her instructions.

"Sir, you are not listed as her emergency contact. We cannot authorise you to accompany her." The nurse repeated for the thousandth time through gritted teeth.

"Who is?" Steve asked suddenly as an idea burst into life. "Who is her emergency contact?"

"Sir, I'm afraid that's confi-"The nurse began.

"Confidential my ass!" Tony snorted, interrupting her.

The nurse looked like she was about to erupt but Steve uncharacteristically made no attempt to stop Tony from pushing all the right nerves. In all likelihood the squat woman before them didn't deserve Tony's unparalleled level of harassment but she hadn't been anything but rude and impatient with them since they had arrived and Steve was not about to let Erin wake up alone in a place she was terrified of.

"She doesn't have one!" The nurse finally exploded. "There is no name, number or address listed under emergency contacts which I'm pretty sure is illegal. Apparently she never updated her information after her previous contact passed away."

There was no need to guess who her previous emergency contact had been.

Steve and Tony exchanged horrified looks as the nurse revealed this to them. They could all too easily imagine Erin being dragged out of her apartment on Death's door and not having anyone with her as she suffered in this godforsaken place. How long would it take for them to know she had died if it were ever to have happened? Days? Weeks? It was a sickening thought and a problem they would rectify the instant Erin was recovered. Whatever happened she would not be alone anymore.

More arguing followed yet in the end the nurse still won. Steve and Tony were forced to sit in the waiting room until such a time as they were permitted to see her. Originally it was suggested the two men went home to rest but there was no way in hell they were leaving the hospital without Erin. Tony had already suggested kidnapping her but Steve instantly shot him down. Erin needed the doctors' care, something they couldn't provide alone. In the end that left them sitting on uncomfortable low grey chairs in the dreary waiting room, Steve staring at the clock with bloodshot eyes while Tony started hatching a new plan, a better plan that once he confided in Steve about ensured that he, Tony, would have something to do.

Steve half-listened to his friends' urgent phone calls feeling completely and utterly useless. It was something he hadn't really experienced since Hitler's attempt to take over the world. Back then the people in charge had prevented him from joining the army. Now they kept him from his girlfriend. Though the two things were worlds apart, Steve couldn't help but feel a little resentful to those who stopped him from helping the people he cared about. Erin would need him, even if she would never admit that. She would need someone to help her stand up and face the deep-rooted fears she couldn't hide and Steve wanted to be that person. He wanted to help her like she had helped him.

It was well past midnight when Steve heard it: the disjointed slapping sound of bare feet on linoleum floor. He stood so suddenly that Tony nearly fell from his chair beside him.

"What-?"

Steve immediately quietened his companion with a hand gesture and soon enough they were both hearing it. Daring to hope, Steve went to the door and peered down the corridor to where Erin stood wide-eyed at a T-junction in nothing but a revealing hospital gown. Beads of blood twined down her arms and she looked terrified, trembling there trying to figure out which way to turn. She must have been so cold and from the bleary eyes and dishevelled look of her hair it was clear she had not been conscious long. As she walked up close to a hospital map on the wall Steve caught her eye and the change in her demeanour was instant. Tears of joy and relief welled up in her eyes as she limped straight into his arms. Sweeping her off her feet, Steve held Erin tighter than he should have before they staggered backwards into the waiting room.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Steve apologised over and over, stroking Erin's hair as he held on. She sobbed silently into his chest as a burning sensation engulfed her limps. She was still in pain and shouldn't have been standing but fear drove her out of the ICU ward to freedom.

"Steve, take off your shirt and give it to Erin. We need to get her out of here." Tony instructed, taking off his own belt.

Without a word Steve did as he was told. Erin put on the shirt and used the belt to fashion it into some sort of dress as Tony instructed her. She would do anything to cover herself up and get out of the damned place.

Much to Tony's disappointment, no one resisted them as he and Steve wheeled Erin out of the hospital. His head drooped as they hailed a cab and with Steve so focused on the shivering Erin no one noticed the woman watching them from the shadows of the car park. The journey to Stark Tower seemed to last an age but eventually they got there. Doctors Tony had privately hired met them in the lobby and escorted the trio to the offices they had commandeered as a temporary hospital. They fussed over Erin's leg, taking her straight to the portable x-ray machine they had battled with security over the second that they could. They were 'concerned', saying that Erin shouldn't have put her weight on the wound so soon as it may have caused more damage. Steve worried too but kept his cool as Erin was put back under again because she was resisting the doctors. Steve and Tony were allowed in the room for the x-rays but were barred from the room as other medical tests were done. The moment it was all over Steve was allowed to be with Erin again and he hadn't left her side since.

The women watching only knew some of this. They'd followed the men in the ambulance to the hospital and tailed them as they escorted Erin out of it after all just as they had watched from afar as Steve, Tony and Erin fought with their brute squad. They'd been the ones to bug the flowers Pepper sent to but so far all they'd gotten was Captain America. He was a bonus really, not the prize they were seeking. These women needed more, some sort of proof that it was indeed Erin and not just another girl who looked like the one they sought.

One of the women fast-forwarded the tape until a doctor with a bowtie came into the room as Erin finally awoke. They watched as the doctor introduced himself, bored now because nothing was really happening.

"Can you tell me your name?" The doctor finally asked.

"Erin Louise Coulson." She replied drowsily.

And that was it. That was all they needed.

Eagerly, all three women scrambled for the phone. They squabbled but finally there was a victor and she dialled the number they needed speedily, her voice full of triumph as the person on the other end of the line picked up nearly instantly.

"We found her. Euryale, _we got her_."

**End of Part One**


	19. Part 2 Chapter 1

"Clarissa, dear, I've just flown in from New York. Tell Ms Knight she'll have to wait until I've attended to all of my business down here first. And bring me an updated report on the Coulson detail. I may live a few floors below her star-spangled boyfriend but I'm still interested to see how our flower is blooming."

Her name was Euryale and by god she was beautiful. With skin like smooth and creamy toffee yogurt and mesmerising hazel eyes, the finely chiselled features of this particular woman were misused as weapons to draw her victims in. The strike was to be expected though for when she removed the flowery scarf from around her head a nest full of snakes the colour of an oil slick attempted to dart out to freedom. They did so in that moment as Euryale strutted down the pewter hallways from the elevator followed by a gaggle of women. Clarissa, a perky redhead now weighed down with a scarf, sunglasses and coat, peeled away from the group to follow orders. Instantly she was replaced by a pimple-ridden blonde who did not hesitate to begin talking.

"The Cererbus Project remains strong ma'am. We've got out first surviving litter of natural Labradors which will be useful for any upcoming incognito missions. They're more sustainable than the Rottweilers at any rate though Greshwin wants to revisit the Pit bull route. There was an unexpected setback on the Minotaur splicing development when the stock came down with TB but we're working around the clock to collect new specimens and should have the issue rectified by the end of the week. In other news the phoenixes are living longer thanks to a strain of tortoise DNA. They aren't reproducing at all yet though and we're running low on salamanders. Luckily there are more eggs in the pen so we ought to be covered."

As the blonde reeled off this information Euryale paused in front of a large glass screen and watched rows upon rows of biologists at work. She did not smile at the litter of golden puppies with three heads as they chased one another and tripped over themselves in a pen by the door, nor did she convey any other emotion besides mild irritation when she finally spoke.

"Pit bulls are ugly dogs though fierce. Tell Greshwin she may attempt to revisit the route should she wish but I don't want a lot of time or personnel put on the project. We must focus on our successes and perfecting what we have. As for the puppies, I want the firstborn immunised and made ready for travel back to the US. I'm not too worried about the Minotaur development so don't bother draining unnecessary resources over it. We've found enough usefulness for the men with the whole Cyclops thing. Trying to give them a choice would be foolish anyway. The phoenixes are another matter entirely. They will be useful if I get the fight I want. Focus on ironing out that reproductive kink. Manufacturing them is too costly and no one will buy a faulty product from us."

Euryale reeled off her instant judgements without really reviewing the separate divisions of those under her command in depth. She didn't need to. They'd been at this for so long now that knowing what should be done was second nature to Euryale now. She had been in command for seven years now and was deputy to her sister three years prior to that. Instinct ruled at Euryale's side and it often tended to be correct.

As the majority of the surrounding women peeled away from their leader Euryale lingered. Her gaze was fixed on a certain bald lab assistant carrying a jar across the room that held two green eyeballs floating in a thin clear liquid.

"How goes my sister's surgery?" Euryale asked distractedly. She seemed to have softened somewhat as she craned her head slightly to follow the eyes until they vanished into a locked back room.

"She's responding well to treatment however we can't seem to put her hair to rest which is slowing the procedure considerably. It keeps biting us." The blonde frowned.

"Have a vetinary consultant brought in then. I won't have anyone ruining this operation, _especially_ Medusa herself." Euryale said flippantly.

As she made a dismissive motion with her hand the blonde scampered off to be replaced this time with a towering woman who had the most beautiful dreadlock hair Euryale had ever seen. This was saying something as she always found braids or any variation thereof incredibly tacky. It suited this woman very well however so she did not make a snide comment about it as she might have normally done.

"Your weapons have been upgraded ma'am and are ready to be tested at your leisure." She announced in a deep and soothing voice.

Euryale turned her gaze from the lab at this, a mischievous smile lighting up her face.

"Finally! What I actually came here for."

The room at the end of the hall was cavernous. It was a giant titanium box with walls six inches thick then encased in cement and steel pressurised doors. Euryale had designed the room to be a fortress but that was only if one knew how to use the locks which was information only she had. Along one of the seemingly endless walls were thousands of strongboxes and safes on metal shelves. Many contained survival supplies but a fair few guarded weapons specifically tailored to Euryale and her sisters. Stheno's boxes were draped in thin black cloth out of respect whereas Medusa's were veiled in dust. Only Euryale regularly played with her toys and she was always itching for the chance to use them. Unfortunately the plan called for patience. Neither side were strong enough yet for what she wanted. That was no matter though. Plenty of blood would be shed when they were.

The woman with the dreadlocks barked once and the team of men lounging about the room by the Prison Cylinders and on the desks all stood to regimented attention. Smug smile on her face, the woman proceeded to gift Euryale with a choker, an ornate silver dagger and a pair of unusual earbuds. Not one to take instructions, Euryale placed the earbuds in first before lifting up and inspecting the choker. It carried the same intricate design at the blade but the beautiful piece was hollowed and filled with little buzzing electric wires. A deep blue sapphire was embedded at the base which glittered hypnotically. Curious, Euryale placed the device on and pressed the jewel as though it might be some sort of button. A small gasp betrayed her as five tiny needles smaller than eyelashes pierced her skin. She couldn't see it below her chin but the choker began to blow a brilliant blue. Her assistant saw however and somewhat hastily handed Euryale the dagger before retreating from the room and placing in her own earbuds. She would witness the following events from the safety of the gargantuan doorway. All of the women knew better than to get in the boss' way when she was dealing with men.

A delicious smile gracing her face, Euryale stalked towards the group of men who all stood still expectantly. She prowled among their ranks trailing her fingers across their backs, stopping every now and then to stroke a handsome face. She could appreciate their looks even if she despised what lay beneath. Obediently they all stood still, eyes forward, not daring to think about their fate because the truth was that they were clueless. They might have been statues, Euryale thought, had it not been for the ride and fall of their scantily-clad chests.

"Would you like to be the first?" Euryale purred, eyeing up a buff Grecian hunk.

The man said nothing, he didn't dare which angered Euryale more than any response he might have been able to muster.

"I am **talking to you**!" As she yelled her voice became magnified a thousand fold.

The man before her dropped to his knees, crying out as his eardrums burst and blood spurted out from the now useless holes in the side of his head. The eight men surrounding him dropped too so no one was close enough to stop Euryale as she raised her dagger and slit the Grecian's face in half. All at once the men rushed at her but a single piercing scream not only threw them backwards but to the unfortunate souls closest to her it had a lethal effect. Their eyes seemed to liquefy as blood gushed out of every facial orifice. Delighted with the result Euryale quickly finished off the rest leaving fifty dying corpses in a red pool on the floor.

Satisfied, Euryale removed her choker and earbuds as her assistant did the same.

"A vast improvement I must say. Have this cleared up though. I'd like to use the room again in an hour." Euryale ordered before strutting out of the room, dagger still to hand.


	20. Part 2 Chapter 2

Erin sat at the breakfast bar in her home flat, bloodshot eyes fixed on her computer screen. Her fingers flew frantically across the keyboard, not always one-hundred percent accurate in the darkness. That didn't matter though. It was essential that she got the words out of her head. The most important thing was that she didn't fall asleep. She had to write. There were no deadlines, just a sense of urgency she mislabelled as inspiration. For all Erin knew she could be writing complete and utter garbage but that didn't matter. She could always come back and fix it in a saner moment, preferably when it wasn't 4am or at least when she hadn't spent seven consecutive hours in the same position before the laptop.

Absent-mindedly Erin reached for her stone cold coffee mug and tried to drink however it was just as empty as it had been the past dozen or so times she'd trued to drink from it. She really ought to take a break and make herself some more, maybe go to the toilet or at least stretch but not yet. Just one more paragraph. Just one more.

The phone ringing scared Erin out of her trance. Heart pounding, she stumbled from the chair to the light switch so that she could illuminate the chaos and find the damned phone. Her eyes aches with the sudden burst of brightness in the room so Erin had to search while squinting which made her task considerably more of a challenge. She found the shrilling nuisance at the foot of the sofa by accidentally kicking it which left her with half a mind to ignore it or abuse the called but the flashing ID changed her mind.

"Did I wake you?" Steve asked somewhat hopefully, not bothering with a hello. He didn't need to anymore. This conversation was pretty standard now and Erin was always so grumpy when he started the conversation anywhere other than at the point.

"No," Erin told him truthfully.

She heard the sigh as Steve scooped the keys he'd undoubtedly just thrown into the bowl by his door. If he was calling at this hour then he undoubtedly just returned home from a mission. He woke up to specifically call her nor did he keep himself up for that same reason. Erin had insisted he maintained a regular sleep pattern as best he could and to stop worrying about her. Steve refused to comply with the latter request but he maintained the first only because it meant a lot to Erin. He couldn't upset her like that. She needed him to be on top form. Not only that but the people on his team during S.H.I.E.L.D. missions needed him at his best and that meant he had to be well rested.

"How long have you been awake this time?" He asked, voice still full of genuine concern even after all of this time. How many times must he have made this phone call now? More times than Erin could count and it still warmed her heart that he showed that he truly cared each and every single time. When Erin thought back to how she first behaved towards her boyfriend she felt such shame and often thought she was not worthy of such a good man. That's why she strove to be good to him as best she could and part of that meant being honest even when she didn't want to be.

"We're hitting the thirty-eight hour mark around about now." Erin admitted as she turned the lights back off. That was much better on her eyes. It was easier to stand that way as the unusual brightness gave her a headache.

"You're getting better." Steve grunted a little as he put his shoes back on.

"You don't have to come. I can handle it." Erin insisted. She loved that he came to help her but she hated how her own troubles affected Steve. She would never lie to him though. She respected him too much to lie to him.

"I know you can but I also know it's easier for you when I'm there." Steve replied simply as he picked up the overnight bad that seemed to live by his door now.

"I don't want you here." It wasn't a lie. Steve needed rest and she didn't want him there, especially if the mission he had just returned from was a particularly stressful one. Her attempt to keep him back was in vain though as she heard the front door close down on Steve's end which meant there was no stopping him now.

"That may be so but you need to sleep or else we'll have to take you back to the hospital."

Erin flinched at the last word but still tried to think of ways to keep him away. Her mind was al frazzled though and a coherent plan was beyond her capability. There were vague ideas at the back of her mind: calling in private doctors again, Tony, medication, drowning. None of the words completed the journey from her brain to her mouth though and just a strangled wail came out instead. Realising that Erin was failing, Steve promised to be there soon before hanging up.

Then there was silence and darkness. Erin squinted about the apartment at the vague shadowy outlines of her belongings because they were hers now, not her father's. He was dead and she was still yet living. The downside to that was that, being very much alive and incredibly tired, left her at a loss as to what to do. She recognised that she ought to turn the light back on and tidy up but Steve didn't mind the chaotic and complex filing system that her living room had evolved into. That helped as Erin didn't have the energy to fix it or the motivation to buy a real filing cabinet. She couldn't clean or cook either, only slump back in front of her laptop and dive into the vortex of words she was creating. These words were so important to her. They spoke of things close to her heart, things she needed to say but just couldn't speak out loud. The words were the answers to that same one question asked over and over again. They were the truth and it was about time for her to set them free.

Consumed by her task as she was, Erin didn't hear the knock on the door or the key in the lock. Steve expected this though. In fact it was the reason he had a key to his girlfriend's apartment in the first place. Erin was more than happy that Steve had a key, as were Tony and Pepper. It made the older couple in particular feel much more relaxed knowing that Erin couldn't lock herself away for weeks without someone being able to help her discreetly if need be. Tony and Pepper cared for Erin like a god-child: she was not quite theirs but they loved and worried for her all the same.

Once inside Steve made no attempt to be quiet. It would only startle Erin and perhaps provoke her to attack when he took away her laptop so he dropped his bag on the floor and shut the door with slightly more force than necessary. Erin did not turn her head however which caused Steve to sigh a little. She was really lost. Shrugging off his coat, Steve placed his keys back in the pocket and hung it up on the peg by the door that hadn't been there until about seven months earlier when Steve had made a passing comment about feeling rude for leaving his jacked lying about all over the place. Erin had rolled her eyes, found a hook in a tool box hidden beneath the kitchen sink and hammered the thing into the wall right then and there before hanging Steve's coat on it. Now Steve smirked fondly at the memory in the dark though he'd been quite shocked at her rash decision at the time. He didn't smile for long though as it was nearly 5am and the pair of them really needed to sleep.

"Erin?" Steve spoke at normal level no matter how much he wanted to whisper as Erin would be deaf to him otherwise.

The frantic clicking of the keys paused for a moment which allowed Steve to spin Erin's chair around so that she was facing him. There was a small look of shock on her face before she hid behind her hands. Steve found it incredibly sweet that this far down the line Erin still got embarrassed when Steve caught her looking rough. Despite his reassurances Erin still put a lot of effort into how she looked for him even though he had seen her in two of her worst and most vulnerable times. This made Steve wonder how long she would keep it up for though. Would she stop when she realised this? Most women nowadays didn't seem to bother for long which he found a shame, especially as he could still faintly remember back to a time where his mother would let Steve sit and watch as she made herself up for his father every morning before he woke up. She carried on looking good for him up until she died, insisting that "if Daddy's ghost was watching then she wanted make sure he was looking at something worthwhile". Steve wanted to think about it then, to try and remember to that more simple time but he couldn't let himself get distracted by that or Erin's sweet behaviour. He had seen in the dim light cast by the computer that her eyes were bloodshot. Undoubtedly she'd been at the computer for too long so it was time to end it.

"I'm going to turn the light on." Steve warned her, crossing back over to the switch.

Erin bowed her head and kept her hands over her face as he did so. It would take a minute for her to emerge from her shell so Steve went into the kitchen as he usually did and inspected the damage. Not much had changed since his last visit the previous week. The dished had been cleaned though and the jars of sweets and biscuits were sufficiently depleted which suggested that Erin hadn't been feeding herself properly. A quick glance in the cupboards and the fridge confirmed this to him. Steve knew better than to bring it up at that ridiculous hour and so made a mental not to talk to Erin about it when they awoke later. He was about to go through the fridge to throw out any expired items when a pair of skeletal arms wrapped themselves around his chest. Erin rested against his back, radiating heat. The first time she'd snuck up on him like that Erin had frightened him half to death but not it was on of Steve's favourite things in the world. Closing the fridge door softly Steve turned to face Erin so he could her back. Recently she'd seemed to have shrunk in his arms and while this was bad Steve felt all the better holding her. She was safe there.

"Why don't you take a shower and-" Steve was cut off as Erin stood on tiptoes and kissed him.

"Hello." she murmured against his lips. He felt her smile and instantly reciprocated it.

"Hello." He repeated, sweeping Erin off her feet with ease so that he could kiss her better.

"Show and pyjamas, yeah?" she knew what Steve wanted her to do. It was always the same.

"I'll sort things out in here while you get ready." Steve replied in way of agreement.

Reluctantly he put Erin back on her feet and after another kiss he let her go. There wasn't really much to do in the kitchen other than some brief organization and making himself a cup of tea. Erin hated the stuff so he prepared some hot chocolate for her instead although he knew she probably wouldn't finish it. When that was done Steve returned to the sitting room and placed the drinks on the breakfast bar by the laptop. It was still open, the screen glowing brightly. Normally Steve would have shut the lid and indeed he went to but he caught some of the words on the page and stopped.

The captain found himself torn. He didn't want to invade Erin's privacy but at the same time he wanted to help her and Steve was certain that Erin's latest work would reveal to him the source of his girlfriend's current distress. It was hardly appropriate for him to knock on the bathroom door and Erin's reaction to Steve asking to read her work always drastically varied meaning that he couldn't determine what Erin might say if he asked. The way he felt, the way their relationship had been built and maintained made the decision all the harder however the reality of the situation was that something was causing Erin so much stress that her health was deteriorating and as she refused professional help Steve's only choice was to read a snippet of her work.

_**A pathetic wreck though I was with snot and tears sticking to my already greasy face, I hurled a chair at him which the bastard dodged though not with ease. He was hardly young anymore although had he ever been? Yes, Phil Coulson had been young once. You could tell by the way he spoke of his beloved superhero or collectibles. It was a supressed side of the man in some ways though as the particular aspect hardly ever raised its innocent head but when it did… well there was no stopping him. He'd babble and bore until long after your ears bled. He didn't care if you wanted to hear it or not. Coulson had never been one to show consideration to specific individuals. **_

"_**Violence isn't going to solve anything." He taunted me.**_

_**Wrong, I wanted to scream. It'll solve everything. I wanted him to hurt, to feel pain like I did every time he left and every time he reappeared to drag me off God-knows-where to endanger my life and not pay me the slightest bit of attention. **_

"_**LEAVE!" I screeched instead. My throat ached. It was as though a large sphere had gotten lodged inside to only then being to radiate heat. I couldn't really talk which was fine. Back then I thought I had nothing to say to him. "Go back to your freaking cellist and leave me here!"**_

"_**You told me not to come back last time." HE pointed out too cheerily. He didn't bother any more to conceal his joy at my distress. **_

"_**I didn't mean it. Why would I ever mean it?" I was hysterical. All I had ever wanted was for my only parent to spend proper time with me being a normal family and he knew because that's what I had asked from Santa for every year since I can remember. He never cared though; he never could be bothered to spend the time on any terms other than his own.**_

"_**I don't know Erin. I **_**don't know**_**. Maybe because you were always pushing me away?"**_

"_**Because you were never there in the first place! You left me alone and look what happened: I got into such an unhealthy relationship ended up with me getting shot!"**_

"Stop." Erin's voice waivered dangerously.

She stood framed in the bedroom door, damp hair tied up and drowning in a large T-shirt. There was a look of fear in her eyes as she saw Steve read those terrible words. He wasn't meant to see them. She hadn't realised how bad they were but Erin still knew they weren't intended for him. He would surely doubt her now and leave. He was crazy and not in a good way. Steve was probably sick of her. It was a wonder he still showed up.

"I'm sorry," Steve apologised for more than just the one thing. "Would you like to talk about it now or shall we wait until tomorrow?" He kept his cool even though his heart was an inch away from breaking. He had to remain together for both their sake's, or so he told himself.

Erin was rigid on the spot. She kept opening and closing her mouth but words failed her. She had been psyching herself up to just admit to Steve she was having issues with her father's death and now it was all redundant. He had found out her uncensored thoughts and she would be punished dearly for it. There were so many things Steve could have said or done. He wanted to walk forward and hold her. He wanted to hold Erin and tell her it was alright but he couldn't. She thought their relationship was unhealthy. She blamed him for getting shot. How could he get close to her without wondering if his behaviour would only make things worse.

They just stared at each other clearly at an impasse. Steve couldn't be selfish and ask what she meant and Erin couldn't explain to him the jumbled thoughts tumbling from her mind. Neither were able to run away whether it be for moral reasons or just the restriction of their physical reality. So they just stared, listening to the hum of the extractor fan from the bathroom in the background.

And then, to both their surprise, Erin closed the distance between them.

"I should have told you." She confessed, eyes cast to the floor because looking at him made her want to cry. His arms did not wrap around her and that made it worse.

"I wish you had," Steve admitted. "If I'd known you felt this way I would have… I would have…" What would he have done? What could heh do? Steve was distressed and could not see how to make things better this time. He just didn't understand where he'd gone wrong in the first place. They'd been dating a full year now and before that night he wouldn't have changed a minute of it. Now he wasn't so sure. Doubt and the feeling of uncertainty plagued him. Had she been lying this whole time? He couldn't stand the thought but he had to know. He had to know.

"There's nothing you can do. I have to save myself from this one. It has nothing to do with you." Erin tried to console him which just highlighted to Steve they weren't quite on the same page.

"The part where you call what we have an "unhealthy relationship" does, especially as you blame me for getting shot." Steve pointed out in a voice much calmer than he felt though it was bitter which was extremely out of character for him.

"Oh god. Oh _god_. Did I write that?" Erin looked mortified. She took a step back from Steve and clutched the roots of her hair, tugging furiously. Her eyes were wide and there was the looming threat that they might overflow with tears that would just make the situation worse.

"Yes, you did." Steve was beginning to feel numb. He was struggling to cope with this. It wasn't- He couldn't- focus. He was finding it hard to focus. His mind was running riot in a way Erin's always did. Steve had no clue how to master the chaos. All he could really do was reach forward and take Erin's hands from her hair. He hated it when she hurt herself, even if it was unintentional. Steve was hardly a controlling man but if there was one thing he would never, ever let Erin do it would be to cause damage to herself. Boyfriend or not, it was just not going to happen on his watch. Once her hands were by her sides however he let them go. Normally he would have held on but he couldn't. Not now. They needed to be separate so it was clearer to see what was really going on.

"Oh god. Steve, I -" Erin found herself torn. Part of her wanted to beg for him to forget about it, to beg for his forgiveness because she didn't mean it in the way he clearly thought she did. The irrational area of her brain thought it would be a good idea to shout and argue around the problem but she couldn't. She'd hurt Steve enough. No, she had to keep it together and explain. She owed him that. If he chose to walk away she wouldn't stop him. She didn't need a man to define her or complete her anyway. Not to mention Erin had sworn she would never beg again. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

"Then how did you mean it?" Steve was amazed at Erin's behaviour in such a way that the hurt was supressed and he appeared quite calm. It wasn't the first time Erin had maintained a level head during a potential argument but this wasn't your average high-pressure situation. She'd come a long way over the past year and Steve new it was down to his influence (though he would of course never admit this).

"Look at me Steve. I'm a wreck. I was even worse before I met you though is the thing. You've made me better and whole, you look after me and that's not good because I depend on you too much. I mean, look at today! I can't even go to sleep without you by my side. That's not healthy. I love you but I rely on you so much and I- What?" Erin halted as a goofy grin spread across Steve's face.

"You said you loved me," Steve pointed out which caused Erin to turn red. "I've been waiting five months for you to say that."

"Oh," Erin didn't know how to respond. She'd lost her steam and was kind of embarrassed, leaving her lost.

"Come here," Steve said, pulling Erin in close. He held her against his chest and kissed her forehead. "You are not a wreck. You're just unwell. I'm only trying to help but if you need me to then I'll take a step back so you can regain some independence. Just please don't bail on me because you're feeling too pressured, okay?"

"Okay," Erin mumbled in agreement into his chest as she realised again. It was all okay. It was all going to be fine.

They stood more or less motionless in their embrace for a good long while, basing in the mutually provided comfort of one another's presence. The clock tidied quickly by; something that didn't go unnoticed by either person but for a short while at least silence was essential to repair the fractures Erin's thoughtlessness had caused.

It wasn't too long before Erin began to yawn and sway and Steve new he too would soon fall asleep no matter what he did.

"Do you want me to go?" He asked gently, taking Erin by the shoulders and leaning back slightly so he could see if she was lying to him.

"No. Please stay. Just for tonight." She shook her head and pulled him back to her.

"Come on then," Steve squeezed her comfortingly before letting go.

Hand in hand they walked into the bedroom. As Erin clambered into bed Steve briefly disappeared to fetch his duffel bag and then to change into his pyjamas. Once he'd brushed his teeth he joined Erin who had already turned off the lights. The instead he was in bed Erin nestled into Steve's arms and let herself drift off for some much needed sleep. Tired as he was, Steve didn't fall straight away as Erin did. His mind strolled back to the events that had led him to the current situation.

After she had been shot Erin slept so fitfully. Often she'd rip the tubes from her arms and bang her leg on the metal railings which caused her even more pain. Steve couldn't bear to leave Erin alone at night and he hated how she hurt herself. He'd been thinking for days of ways to help her when the idea popped into his head that he could hold Erin still while she slept. So he did and it worked. In later weeks when the nightmares began it calmed her down too which prevented additional damage. Soon sleeping with Erin in his arms became habitual to Steve, not that he minded. It was a comfort, nothing more.

The issue of sex had been quite spectacularly avoided over the past year what with the nightmares plaguing them both, not to mention Steve was a gentleman and Erin was not used to or compelled towards that kind of intimacy for various reasons. It made life for them easier as the natural flair of things led them to an unofficially agreed upon place of comfort where they could support one another without fear of overstepping the mark.

Their relationship was by no means perfect though. It was difficult with Erin's distinct distrust of everyone and Steve's intense morals. They fought, less often nowadays which the neighbours were grateful for. It had gotten really bad about a month after the attack though when Steve decided to join S.H.I.E.L.D. on specialist missions. Erin had protested to the point where they very nearly broke up following an incident in which she threw a plate at Steve's head. She didn't – no, she couldn't comprehend Steve's need to protect and to serve. She had no idea that a large part of him joining S.H.I.E.L.D. was to track down those people who had attacked them on the plane so that he could bring them to justice. It was a silly argument as in reality they both wanted the same thing: for the other to be safe. They were working on it though, or working around it.

Steve and Erin were never fated to be the perfect couple, just a fiercely loyal and protective one. That was fine by them though.

At least they knew the other cared.


End file.
